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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction: Jaden and Alexis have hot sex!

You got here by searching porn, didn't you? You're fucking gross and stop giving me dream that my stupid blog is actually popular.

Okay, the name of this blogpost already tells why i have inducted this into "the list of bad fanfiction". While other sex fanfics had CREATIVE names, this name pretty much spoils the whole darn thing.

And this was written by YoBitch, sounds like some kind of a pimp with a hat and dick.

Well, a lot of people have a hat and dick, and those people are usually Gladstone Gander's who love to piss you off by saying they're better than you, because they have a hat and dick and you dont have a hat.
Hats cost a lot, and only cool people wear a hat, Have you ever seen George Bush wear a hat? He's not cool, and that's why he doesn't wear a hat.
If you wear a hat, you're cool. If you wear a hat and have a dick, you're a pimp, and also you love to piss people off, so it's plus minus to have a hat and wear a dick... i mean wear a hat and have a dick!

Anyway, back to the subject...

This fanfic is about another Pokeyman ripoff, called You-Zee-Ohno, also known as Yu-Gi-Oh. Never cared about the series, but i once saw Yu-Gi-Oh GX, which seems to be meant for kids, because original Yu-Gi-Oh was, well, creepy.

Also Yu-Gi-Oh spawned the famous abridged series, that i will not watch, because it's overrated.

Although i do watch Marvel Mashups...

This, is a story, of Jaden and Alexis, having hot sex. Jaden is a boy, who is a copy of Yugi from the original series, and ironically, in Finnish dub of the show, he was voiced by the same guy who voiced Shobu from Duel Masters, which is obviously a Yu-Gi-Oh clone, expect Duel Masters is more easier.

Alexis instead, well, has too big breasts, BUT IT'S ANIME, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???

Let's see how they gon' make it. Will it turn out to be lame, or more lame?

One night Jaden was sitting by himself in the Slyfer Red dorm on a beautiful night thinking about his life. He had all the duel skills that a man could ever want but he wanted something more. He wanted a girlfriend. He thought about who he would like to have as his girlfriend.

Make sure you have the hat and dick... oh wait, Jaden has none.

How do i know that?
You can guess from personality. What i've seen, i'm pretty sure Jaden is a pussy!!11 EHAHUHEHAHUHEHAHUHEHAAAH!!!

"Maybe Jasmine," he thought, "No,she's fugly" he continued

"Damn the wife of that dubstep maker is so Frikin' FUGLY!"

"Then again maybe I should ask out Mindy," he thought to himself once again, "No, she's dumb as a brick."

Hey! Don't insult bricks!

Then he thought about Alexis. "She's the perfect girl," he thought to himself. She had it all. She was great at dueling, she was smart and good looking, but most importantly she had a nice pair of rockin tits.

WELL OF COURSE! Why all the male characters are always perverts???

Jaden began to sit there and think about her. He just couldn't get her out of his head! 

For a while i didn't neither, when i first discovered fictional falling-in-love.

Then it stopped when i discovered Evangelion...

"Thats it!" he said to himself, "I'm going over to the Obelisk Blue dorm to ask out Alexis right now!"

Well, that doesn't solve your problems, because... you're not funny and nobody likes you!

I don't know what was the point of that...

Jaden ran out of his dorm as fast as he could into the night and ran across the Duel Academy campus. 

What kind of security those shitheads have anyway? How do they make sure that nobody escapes from the island? Well, at one episode Chazz escaped and nobody gave a shit, then he revenged by bringing in the Russian Prisoner Academy, that accidentally was disappeared to the South Pole. Of course Marty-Stu Jaden saved the day again and Chazz was executed. And There was much... YES I'M GONNA SAY IT DEAL WITH IT ...rejoicing.

While he ran he thought about what he was going to say to Alexis when he arrived. 

Just play this:

"I'm just going to tell her exactly how I feel." he told himself.

Tumblr humor, people.

Jaden swiftly climbed up the balcony 


that led to Alexis' second story window. Once he was safely on the deck above he noticed that the only light on in her room was coming from the bathroom and that steam was coming out.


"She must be in the shower!" Jaden thought ecstatically.

Nice find, Captain Obvious.

"She won't want to see me. Maybe I should do back now." He thought but then he got a surge of confidence. "I'm going to march right in there and tell her how I feel!" He said to himself determined.

The next day Jaden S. Yuki was arrested from sexual harassment. He was banished into a lost island of Melee where he became Guybrush Threepwood, A Mighty Pirate™! Expect not.

Jaden took a deep breathe and knocked on the glass door that led to Alexis' room. He peered inside and noticed that she had turned off the water and then he saw the door begin to crack open. Then Alexis walked out with a towel covering her body from above her breasts to her knees. She went over by the glass door and opened it. She poked her head out and said inquisitively, "Jaden what are you doing here so late at night? Shouldn't you be in your dorm?"

"Look, Alexis. Ummm....uh....errrrr....Shall we shag now, or shag later?"



Jaden blushed a little. "Well," he began, "There was just something that I wanted to talk to you about." He said.
Alexis let out a sigh and then said, "Alright, come in and have a seat."
She opened the door to let Jaden in and they both went inside. "Please, sit down." Alexis said rather nicely. Jaden went and sat down on her bed. Alexis went and sat down next to him, still clothed only in the towel she grabbed as she left the shower.


Next day, Jaden was found dead, with a train dropped on him.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Alexis asked.
"Well it's just that… uuhh," Jaden began but his mouth wouldn't move because he was too focused on what was in front of his eyes. His eyes had wondered over to Alexis' nice big breasts. 

Not again...

Look, the problem is that the academy suits are too small for her size... I mean she's SIX AND HALF feet tall!

They were barley being contained by the towel and they were still slightly wet from her getting out of the shower. "It's just that I really wanted to tell you that I like you a lot Alexis." Jaden said finally finishing his sentence.

Well, that went okay. And without any sil...

"Infact I think I might be in love with you." He said.

You are so dead...

Then a huge blush went across Alexis' face. "Well, this is all happening so fast," she said "but I've felt the same ever since I met you Jaden Yuki. I love you too"

I kinda wish Alexis would've stalked Jaden unsuccesfully and then masturbated over pictures of him, Oh come on, show that men aren't the only freaks!

Jaden was relieved that she felt the same way that he did so that he didn't have to deal with the pain of rejection. Just then Alexis pulled Jaden into a deep, passionate kiss. This caught Jaden off guard but he kissed her back with just as much love and passion as she had.

They were made out on Alexis' bed for some time when Alexis' hand had begun to drift down towards Jaden's crotch. She started to feel his member through his pants while they were making out.


Alexis then broke their embrace and got down and began to undo Jaden's belt. She brought down his pants and put Jaden's member into her hands.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jaden asked her.
"Oh yes I'm sure Jaden. I love you and I don't see whats wrong with having sex if we both love each other."

Oh come on, this is getting lame!

"Ok, if thats how you feel." Jaden said, "Then I agree."
Right after Jaden said this he grabbed hold of the towel around Alexis' and he removed it from her body, unleashing her massive breasts. The very sight of them gave Jaden a boner and he took them in his hands and started to play with them

Suddenly NIBBLA! *CHOMP*

but he stopped when he began to feel an amazing feeling around his penis. He looked down and Alexis was sucking his dick.


"Does that feel good?" Alexis asked Jaden seductively.

"Oh yeah." Jaden moaned in pleasure.
Alexis was sucking off the top of his dick while she let her fingers dance on the lower part near the base giving him a handjob. Suddenly, Jaden pulled his penis out of Alexis' mouth.

At that moment, Jaden realized he was a pussy...

"Yes," Jaden replied, "but I just wanted to return the favor." Then he picked up Alexis and set her on the bed. He spread her legs open wide and got a look at her fantastic pussy. He put his head in her crotch and began to lick her vagina. He moved his tongue around there and he would lick her clitoris. Alexis was obviously enjoying this because she began to moan loudly out of pleasure.

"I want to see if your boobs feel as good as they look." Jaden said as he raised himself up and got up on top of Alexis. Then he took his dick and placed it in-between Alexis giant boobs. She pressed them against his dick and he began to thrust his member forward between them.

Okay, this guy has watched too much hentai.

"Oh yes!" Jaden said, "They definitely like up to how great they look!" Alexis had begun to suck his dick while Jaden was pumping it into her cleavage.
"Seeing your dick between my tits makes me so horny!" Alexis exclaimed. "I want you inside me so bad!" Alexis said.
"You asked for it." Jaden said as he split Alexis' legs and prepared his member to enter her. He slowly entered her vagina procuring low moans from Alexis.
"Oh, that feels good," she exclaimed, "pick up the speed a bit."

I don't want to masturbate into this, you know why?
Because this is boring!

Jaden began to trust into her faster producing even more, louder moans from Alexis.
"Give it to me harder!" Alexis yelled.
Jaden did as she said and began to go full speed into Alexis' pussy. She screamed and her juices began to flow all over Jadens dick as she had an orgasm. The feeling of Alexis' juices on Jaden's dick just made him even more horny than he already was.

This is just like a porn movie, It was FEW FEETS close that this could've had an actual plot, but no.

Suddenly, Jaden pulled his dick out of her vagina. "Are you finished? That was amazing." Alexis said.
"There's more where that came from." Jaden said. "Get on your hands and knees."
"You want to go into my ass?" Alexis said.
"Don't worry" Jaden said. "I'll go slow"

"Don't worry, honey! When i'll take this car to the Cave of Killer Wasps, i'll go slow!"
 Oh, also, why don't they use condom? Oh yes, because it's porn.

Alexis shook her head approvingly and Jaden slowly put his dick into Alexis' ass. Alexis began to yell partially out of pain and partially of of pleasure. Slowly the pleasure began to out do the pain and Jaden began to increase the speed he was thrusting until he was going all out into Alexis' asshole.

Alexis started screaming very loudly as she had a crazy huge orgasm with Jadens dick pumping her ass as fast as he could.
"I'm going to finish." Jaden said as he removed his member from Alexis' asshole. Alexis quickly got on her knees and began to rapidly tug on Jaden's dick giving him a handjob. Jaden started to moan and Alexis' handjob caused him to start ejaculating all over Alexis' face, tits, hair, and into her wide open mouth.
Alexis swallowed the cum that was in her mouth and she started to lick off the jizz that had landed on her boobs.


They both lay down on Alexis' bed and they fell asleep naked in each others arms.
The next morning Alexis woke up to an empty bed and she got up and noticed that a note had been placed on her nightstand.
"Dear Alexis,
Last night was amazing horrible. I'm glad we have similar feelings for each other don't have anything in common at all. For example, you're a woman and i'm a man, you're blonde and i'm a brownie, I love you my DKC trilogy collection more than anything in the world. Same time tonight? Also you're fired.
Eustace Pietime"

Alexis blushed and held the note close to her heart.
"Same time tonight?" she asked herself, "Yes Jaden Yuki, same time tonight" she said to herself as she began to get dressed for the day ahead


Okay, that story sucked, because the plot was ruined by sex and nobody even wore a hat!

I think i've reviewed enough sex fanfics for now, i think i go back to ridiculous fanfics again, such as horrible crossovers etc.

Hope you liked this, please comment and give me suggestions for more bad fanfics to review!

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