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Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago, I wrote my final frequent entry to this blog, and haven't looked back outside of a short period in 2015. This was all the way back when Super Smash Bros 4 Wii U and 3DS was about to be released, I had also started to work on two different online series, one of which I continue to this day. I've learned a lot during these ten years, I've learned that there is such thing as "too much negativity", I've learned that having enemies is less fun than having friends, and I've learned that popularity is the biggest curse Momma Fortuna could possibly cast upon you. This blog was once somewhat popular, not overwhelmingly popular, but popular enough that I practically invented clickbait when I did that "Evangelion 3.0 Spoilers Review" blogpost. 

And yeah, a lot of what I've posted in this blog in the past has been pretty cringe. However I don't want to delete any of it, I did the mistake of deleting some old blogposts I wrote and now I am definitely curious about what was my writing like back then. I know I was obsessed with wanting to make "This Part of Site" a thing, but overtime my interests evolved and I wanted to make a story based on my first decade on the Internet instead. That being said, unless I magically gain some motivation to write I don't see it happening.

Why did I write this blogpost? I dunno, I just wanted to revisit this old blog and I kinda wish I had kept writing, even if most of my stuff didn't age well. If enough people are interested I might bring my blog back, but not in the current form, and especially not here.

Sometimes, I look at all the people I used to shittalk in this blog and where they are now. G0ATFAC3 is still doing his own thing but all of his old friends went their own ways, Craphole locked itself from guests (not that it's a big loss because all the fun users left that site), Crash Mania got shut down, SuperSaiyanCrash is still doing stuff but he can never return to Crash Bandicoot Retold because of the bridgeburning with Kayden, I don't even know what AX is doing because he still has me blocked after all these years lol and of course I had a brief bridgeburning with Annotators only to be brought back eventually.

So yeah, the world has changed, but I haven't changed that much. Any other person would delete this blog and pretend it never existed, but I want to keep it around as a reminder of the old days, when making fun of fanfictions was funny and majority of the world chose to speak in more than just 250 characters....

If I do come back, rest assured one of my very first posts will be a massive rant about Twitter and how I feel it has ruined every aspect of both society and human communication, but that's a rant for another day.

EDIT: I decided to go for it: fortanreviews.tumblr.com

Friday, July 17, 2015

My Current Whereabouts

Hi, some of you may've come across my blog still in 2015, but the truth is...i'm ashamed of about 80% of this blog's content. But over the years i've changed as a person and now i will no longer attack people who once disagreed with me. With that said, here are my current whereabouts for those who want to see more of me.

Goddamn Network

http://goddamnitsupersaiyancrash.tumblr.com/
The Blog that i got inspired to create back when i riffed Crash And Friends in Diapers and Crash Bandicoot Vengeance, it's one of the most successful things i've done in my internet age, seriously. It riffs and reports about the works of Richie "Supersaiyancrash" Norris and his friends.
http://goddamnwebcomics.tumblr.com/
It's spin-off that riffs all the other webcomics, currently being stuck at Warmage and Las Lindas, also features edits by fellow Minespatch.
http://goddamnitmighty355.tumblr.com/
And Third spin-off that focuses on another webcomic weirdo with bad fanbase. Mighty355 and his diaper fetish, combined with crossovers of Family Guy.

My Deviantart

http://johnnyvalentine.deviantart.com/
Place where i post cheap character bios and even art sometimes!

Alright, here's some information, thank you, and i'm sorry.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Best Super Smash Bros 4 Newcomer Choice

SSB4 apparently happens, and that means people start doing their annoying predictions again. (Implying they didn't do that before it was announced) Some people have just predicted literally everyone without doing a further research does it have any chance.
"I JUST WANT TO SEE CHARACTERS I LIKE ON SAME PICTURE OK???
Yes kids, 70% of characters (or heads to be more specific) have as much potential to be in Nintendo fighting game than Chris Benoit getting in WWE 2K14.

Yes, people should just leave predicting third party characters and predic Nintendo characters instead, you know, anybody who has appeared in Nintendo product has chance to get in Smash Bros unless it had killed someone.

People have also requested real life people to get in the game, like Shigeru Miyamoto and Reggie Fils-Aime, later being just because of THE FUCKING MAYMAY HE SPREADS.

If real life people have chance, then, why not go back in time, into the days of Super Mario Bros Super Show, the crappy cartoon filled with Pasta jokes and repeating climax. (Annotated Series guys had to ge over all the 50 episodes, poor guys).

Back then, several celebrities made appearance in the show, sometimes in live action, sometimes not. One of the celebrities in 80's who appeared was apparently...
Wait, where's that red thing on his head?
Mikhail Gorbatchev.

If you think i am seriously suggesting Gorbatchev for Smash Bros, you're right. The Man is very important, he killed one of the most dangerous superpowers in history, and he also helped to take down Berlin Wall. Plus, he's still alive! He needs to be honoured by making him one of the newcomers.

He appeared on Mario cartoon, therefore Nintendo has RIGHTS to use him, how they added him to cartoon AND live-action segment if they wouldn't had rights.

Oh come on, do you want that piece of MAYMAY bullshit Reggie-Fils Aime to that game? He isn't Segata Sanshiro, or Miyamoto, he's just stupid american vidya gaem nerd with scary face, he is american, he might be Drug user or something!

Mikhail is much better character, and russian players can imagine it's Putin and kick his ass, unless Russia bans it because it has Megaman, and he's a MAN, AS IN RUSSIANS KNOW WHAT MAN IS AND BECOME GAY!

Mikhail's moveset also should involve potatoes, and his introduction pun is "Mikhail Gorbatchev Breaks The Fourth Wall!". Hahaha, that is better than most of the fake puns.

I know this is ridiculous, but at least i'm not suggesting Spiderman, Spongebob, all the ponies ever appeared on MLP:FiM or Milli Vanilli.
They broke up because they didn't know in what position they fap for Kootie Pie.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Fortan Reviews Everything Returns: G0ATFAC3 Presents: Death Wears Blue Part 1

Yes, this is my bloody blog, and i'm back for some cool action when i review not-so-cool things.

So, this week i finally had it with Avery Petrie, better known as G0ATFAC3, i finally learned he is a huge jerk who doesn't care about his fans and just does stuff for his "friends". He is also dick towards everyone who are not his "friends" and hates popularity, while being an egoistical maniac.

So, now i bring you: his terrible Let's Play saga, G0ATFAC3, i mean D33RFAC3 Corner, with a sooper-dooper original name: Death Wears Blue.

Is that supposed to be a reference or something? D33RFAC3 means blue, so does this mean D33RFAC3 is evil, think before you give these tacky names, scrap-brain.

And OH GOD THIS IS 16 MINUTES LONG, OH WELL. LET'S DO THIS:
First we see our least favourite doppelganger, D33RFAC3, doing some emo pose while annoying 8-bit music plays, accompanied by his duffer friend, Kaiko Yoen.

And then after title we see D33RFAC3 relaxing on a table while Red Skull Fortress watches him. NICE USE OF SHADE HERE, AKA None.

That Red Skull is apparently Red Skull from Marvel Comics, how unoriginal!

Next, we see Kaiko Yoen and ummm... what is that thing, and left to that, there's a dog.

It's not any kind of dog, it's A CHARACTER BASED ON AVERY'S DOG. Yes, guys. A Character based on dog, not only that there are characters based on his intranet friends and wazzacky doppelgangers we have characters based on dog. Well, is there any other character based on dog on a Let's Play show? No. But it's stupid. I dislike that dog, and that ummmm.... thing scares me.

Well, Kaiko says the gang's all up on and then we cut back to lazily edited pic and D33RFAC3 asks what's with the dogs?

Yeah, i wonder too what's with the bloody dog.

Well Kaiko tells that dog tried to murder them earli...WOO WOO CUT THE BRAKES.

Not only the character is based on dog, it's also a doppelganger-murdering dog, wow. Making his dog more important than food, do these plonkers ever go to the bathroom?

Also Kaiko tells that he gave dog bath and made it fat. WOW FAT-SHAMING HERE.

Then we see what that thing is, AND WOOPADOOPA IT'S ANOTHER BLOODY CHARACTER BASED ON BARMY DOG.

So the dog's name is Dave, and D33RFAC3 mentions also that crazy Dave, whose country JOINED EU AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS MONTH AH-HA.

Anyways, It turns out there is no name of Dave in there, Kaiko thinks Master Neojock thought he wasn't important while doing that creepy smile.

Then, D33RFAC3 goes on with the "M33TING" and then he shows the image of main-baddie, GL1TCHK1D.

How i loathe this guy, he was killed in the last season and he keeps coming back, sometimes it seems he's like the MAIN CHARACTER OF THIS SHOW, or then last season focused on him too much. Also the pic is old but also SUPER-EDGY, also stealing the one-eyed villains from Homer the Poet, how unoriginal. Then, we see flashback where G0ATFAC3, summons GL1TCHK1D from Hell (Also known by gamers, Sonic '06 EHAHUHEHAHUHEHA) so D33RFAC3 tells GL1TCHK1D killed everyone last year blah blah blah. We also see his transformation, which is a fusion of Cyclops and Red Skull. The Transformation itself looks actually pretty cool, but doesn't have that much detail on it and is generic badly drawn edgy form. Also, it doesn't have to do anything with Glitches.

AND THEN WE SEE WHEN AVERY TURNS INTO A BLOODY SUPER SAIYAN! I THOUGHT CRASH BANDICOOT RETOLD WAS ENOUGH! RED SKULL CYCLOPS VS INDIE-GAME MAKING EGOISTICAL RAT SUPER SAIYAN! I loathed that episode, and i still do.

Now, back on video, then we see Mummy-Snowman, (Yetay from WCW) coming outta nowhere and turning into GL1TCK1D's reanimated soul. Hold on a second, he has red lines, GL1TCHK1D IS JUST LIKE CYBERSKULL FROM MIGHTY BLOODY MAX. However, this coming from the god of unoriginality it doesn't surprise me.

Well, then D33RFAC3's manky presentation ends and he wants to go to the Skull Castle of Red Lines. But Kaiko asks about his second discovery and D33RFAC3 shows it to him and it is...

that he has inate record on Let's Plays as well.

Sigh.

And that something URGES him to play vidya gaymes.

Bloody Sigh.

No need to explain what he was doing while planning this crap.
And Kaiko is like, OH THAT SOUNDS LIEK FUN and goes to make Snacks.

Also there is "One Hour Later" caption, expect Hour has been replaced by SNACKS, if this was meant to be comedy, it's actually tragedy, head-achingly terrible tragedy that makes Bolsheviks regret that they killed Tsar Family.

Well, One SNACKS Later, We see D33RFAC3 entering the castle of Red Lines and A BLEEDING EYE! PEOPLE WITH BLEEDING EYE ARE BAD! And we see Kaiko Yoen carrying boxes, as in COMEDY! And then, "L3T'S ROCK"

How many protagonists have said that? So many, i forgot them all.

Then we see second-worst thing i have ever seen in this videos, Wily's Castle but instead of skull it has THAT EYE ON IT. WOW REALLY? YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU RIP-OFF CAPCOM, They will sue you but cancel it because they're busy with their own terrible projects. And "Stage 1" caption, so we won't forget this is a show about VIDYA GAMES RIGHT?
 
Then, we hear the terrible recording noise, does this mean, oh no, this means...

GORDON BLOODY BENNETT! HE'S GOING TO LET'S PLAY! AND HE SOUNDS LIKE JIMMY THE SQUIRREL, FOR ALMOST ADU...oh wait, i forgot he was a man-child.

And boy, does this mean LET'S PLAY SAVES THE WORLD??? AND MATTERS MORE THAN ANYTHING!???? WHAT???? WHAT IN THE??? WHO DECIDED THIS??? BLOODY HELL, THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS USE OF SRS BSNS EVER! IF YOU PLAY RETRO GAMES WHILE YOU TALK, BOOM! AL-QAEDA IS DEAD! IF YOU MAKE CORNY JOKES WHILE PLAYING GAMES, BANG! CHINESE ARE FREE FROM SLAVERY!

THIS IS BULLSHIT! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HEAD IN AND SMACK THAT ASSHOL...excuse me, PIKEY IN THE FACE. OR JUST LET THEM ALL DIE.

I can't handle that fuck...excuse me, bloody voice for long, so let's skip that part, 05:48, and we see now D33RFAC3 fighting fictionally against Bubbleman, but, it doesn't look like Bubbleman, it looks like...

DAVE! OH GORDON, HIS HOLY GOD FRIENDS HAVE TURNED INTO BADDIES AGAIN! Dave, being Croatian, is too polite, in real life he is just mad all the time, so G0ATFAC3 is dictator in this universe who shapes people as he likes to be, and they need to act like G0ATFAC3 want or they will be busted out of existence? FRIDGE BRILLIANCE! Well, Dave is the Sailor Guy, wow how unoriginal.  

AND BOOM! HE'S BUBBLEMAN AGAIN! Skipping again, 06:39

And Dave's dead. Pow, and he's no longer Bubbleman. I wish D33RFAC3 would kill him, his real life counterpart is a hyper-hipster arsehole, who gets bitter all the time. So, Dave survives and D33RFAC3 returns to, somewhere where Kaiko Yoen is waiting for him. And suddenly it gets 2edgy4me. Crying that the guy there was Dave, just KILL HIM. And then, silent NOOOOOOO and copied image goes thru the screen, what a skanky spoiler.

There's the half left of this shit, i feel like backing up, but i have to do this.

Cut again to copied image, with Stage 2 written in Roman Numbers, how unoriginal.

Let's skip all the way to 10:44, where we see D33R and Sebastian.

Who's Sebastian? Well, an irrelevant Doctor Who and Michael Jackson fan, Hmm, Doctor Who fans send deaththreats to people who didn't enjoy the show and Michael Jackson is a child rapist who has faith in industry just because the guy is dead and had a cool game on Sega Genesis. And Sebas is also sarcastic, so chav him.

Well D33RFAc3 proceeds to kill the guy, (DO IT) but Flash Man notices his Botch and then turns into real Flash Man. And let's skip to 11:30, where we see that copyrighted image THIRD BLOODY TIME and Stage III begins, let's skip it too, 14:36 and we have tart mouse. Yes, an actual tart mouse? Furry? What is that thing, it has tits, so it's a woman, and Avery knows her, so she's a tart.

Tart just blinks, and D33RFAC3 TAKES DINK KNOING BARREL????????
 AND RUBS HER FACE ON IT.

You know what that is? IT'S A RAPE SYMBOLIZING YOU INSENSITIVE CHAVS.

As D33RFAC3 continues to rub her face with a barrel, suddenly the tart goes all NYYAAURGH and gets an edgy cyclops face.

What is up with GL1TCHK1D and his fetish for bleeding cyclops? Did he met Odysseus? Oh wait, Odysseus was too hard man to play stupid vidya games. AND THERE COMES THE CYCLOP DEMON OH GOD BLERGH

AND THERE'S THE WOOD MAN AGAIN? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?

Let's skip this, and now Kaiko Yoen and the other one are suddenly there, what happened to the demon? Did they actually kill them? DID THEY ACTUALLY KILL THEM?

YES! YES! THIS IS THE FINAL SEASON OF G0ATFAC3 CORNER! Or at least those gits will not be seen again.

And, someone is watching, i wonder if it's a cyclops face too... And then we see "TO BE CONTINUED" thank god it's over. Too many cyclops for me, and it's just damn terrible, ok bye.



Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Are the Crappers their own Wrestling Fan Community?

According to Wikipedia, Mark means "a person who enjoys professional wrestling as if it were unstaged. Derived from the carnival term," knowing Wikipedia this is obviously a lie, because Mark is more an internet pro-wrestling fan, who is member of IWC. Smark is told to mean "A fan who is aware of and interested in the backstage and non-scripted aspects of wrestling".
Really, Wikipedia? I know you've spewed out bullshit before, but Smark doesn't mean anything like that.

But, if you insist, then i guess all the angry members of IWC are labeled as "Crappers" from now on.

What is Crapper exactly? Well...

Crapper is a person who follows WrestleCrap and Wrestling. Basically labeled as "Angry Video Game Nerd of IWC", because Crapper just wants to find all the negative points of angles and wrestlers and then make fun of them with other crappers. Crapper takes everything seriously and is known to get butthurt over everything. Crappers hate marks, IWC and even each other. Crappers don't cause that much damage because they are locked on the Hell of IWC, Craphole The Wrestling Forum, where they argue with each other forever.

Crappers have really mean sense of humour, that has been actually handed down from R. D. Reynolds, the founder of Wrestlecrap and "the god" of Crappers. Crappers are atheists of Wrestling because they judge wrestlers from their real-life activites, which is the reason why Chris Benoit is always getting hated on threads and why nobody considers Hogan as the one of the most famous wrestlers in the business. Whenever FAN, wrestlingforum.com or Wrestling Clique sees a Crapper, he'll be automatically banned for life. Crappers are very infamous in the wrestling community, even more so than "Youtube Marks".

One positive thing about Crappers is that they are very intelligent and seem to know more than Marks do and are the masters of Inside Jokers.

Example of Crapper Quote:
Again, anyone claiming "oh, WWE isn't cool anymore so it's okay for their world champion to ignore the company" needs to stop and pause the tape.

'The fuck are you calling yourself a fan of this business?

If Rock had brought the belt and mentioned Wrestlemania, then maybe it would be "culturally relevant" somewhat. Depends on what you call "culturally relevant". I see a lot of kids watching the product who have a favorite wrestler. Do we just need more kids watching to make it "culturally relevant" or do they all need to be wearing John Cena T-shirts?

Does it even fucking matter if wrestling is cool or not? Dwayne just told the world that he is not a wrestler, even though he is a world heavyweight wrestling champion. How can you be okay with this? How can you be defending this outright shitting on of the business by Dwayne? The only reason Dwayne even has a shitty movie to star in is because of wrestling. Without wrestling, we would have given up on this piece of shit the second the premier of Walking Tall was over.

Buyrates? A few extra paydays? Dwayne clearly does not give a damn if WrestleMania sells or not, or else he'd have taken the Leno opportunity and ANY OTHER OPPORTUNITY HE HAD to promote the show. He's obviously already been paid for his appearance, or else he'd get off his Hollywood ass and sell some fucking tickets so that he would be guaranteed his money and perhaps some extra.

And when your world champion publically shows that he don't give a fuck about you, your job, your company, or even HIS job or HIS company...that's no champion. That's a bitch. And I'm trying real hard not to insult anyone who is on Dwayne's side, because you're entitled to your opinion. There's just no arguing your point with me. I love wrestling too much, and I'm probably borderline trolling here with this thread - but this pissed me off so bad when I read the newsbite on Rajah that I will bark this shit to the end.

Fuck you, Dwayne.


 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Fortan Reviews Everything's Worst Of The Week March! Feat. More Omnigiantess!

EEEYup, we are back at this.

1. Kaye Fabian Hates Me Now
Apparently i've been a racist for saying the N-Word at the president. Stupid Americans, always being so "patriotic." It also got me banned for life.

2. Craphole
Just, forget about it. It's the rejection of god, (Literally, RD has abandoned it a long ago) and is filled with pointless arguements, stupid laws, paranoid slut cuntbitches who tell their asshole conspiracies and many more.

Just forget about it, Craphole is not worth liking, nobody there is not worth liking.

3. PatStrikesBack Never Grows Up!
Not only that he did personal insults at me, he also seemed to torture VideoGameCutOuts, (Journal Here) who does hard job taking Video Game renders that help several Crash Projects. If he demands people give him respect or he cancels entire Crystal's Wrath i won't be surprised.

4. AX does it again
Any Questions?
I know i've talked about this before. but he seems to never learn when it comes to ANYTHING. He is overpushing a boy with terrible grammar and no sense of "different" WHO CALLS THIS ANIMATION???
Kasuko-San is the Ryback of Deviantart's Giantess Community

5. There is no Fifth option.