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Saturday, October 27, 2012

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: When song got Wings! Part 1





Alright, the next fanfic seems stupid, first of all, it's a Vocaloid Fanfic written by FINN.


Finnish Vocaloid fans exist??? What's next? American who likes films made in Middle-East? South Korean who likes DKC Cartoon? Black guy who likes "Gone With The Wind"?

Anyways let's stop being racist. And let's move on to fanfic written by Zukkini, which is written in Finnish and only i can understand it out of you guys ha ha fuck you.
Miku's P.O.V
I was reading the lyrics. I was ready to throw up. The words were really "syrup-ish"
 I thought Miku was all about love and creepy monotone voice? Or was it GLaDOS?

"Isn't this too much?" I told at one of the lyricwriters of Yamaha
What is Yamaha? Sounds more like Hawaii than Japanese.
"Well that's nothing. Just good enough for you," I got as an answer.
My posture crashed, but i started to train.
Hi. I am Miku Hatsune from Vocaloid 2. Nice to meet you. I was just created. I got my voice from Japanese Saki Fujita. As you can see, i am training for my new song.Vocaloid
2?? Isn't she from Vocaloid 1? You know, those stupid clones came in Vocaloid 2 i believe.
After the training there was a lunch break. They told me that i would meet other Vocaloids. Then i got totally excited. What kind of people they might be? Girls? Boys? Small? Tall?
Two last words are funnier in Finnish.
I stept into the canteen
"There is a lot of people!" I whooped. Part of them were the workers of Yamaha
What the HECK is Yamaha? I thought this was Vocaloid!
I fastly took something on light-blue tray. I looked for association. I started to walk towards one group.
And they were BLACK Y'ALL!

I wonder why they haven't made black vocaloid yet. UTAU's don't count, because they suck.

"This is completetly unfair" said one pink-haired girl, who had a bow on her head.
Evil Mixture of Luka Megurine and Rin Kagamine??
"I guess that's not anything special" said one boy, who hate ice cream
Of course they had to tell what he EATS, and not what he looks lik...wait a minute

Eats Ice Cream?

EATS ICE CREAM???

It's La Parka!!! You son of a bitch! First you raped Mike Hassumair's girlfriend and now walk into Finn's stupid fanfic?? Damn it! I should've read this before so i would know you would appear in this story! Fuck you, La Parka! Fuck You!
 Great, first we have Yamaha and now we have La Parka. What's next?
I kind of hesitated but i said:
"Can i join?"
"Len! Don't play with food!" One lady in red upbraid -Sure, she smiled at me.
I wish joining into an internet group would be easy as that. But no, you get always badmouthed by some 4chan-veteran, in this group's case, La Parka.
Also Len? Len Kagamine? Japanese Justin Bieber? That guy who Negau-Chan used to love? Even the writer seems to hate him!
I sat next to that gril who had a bow
"What is so unfair?" I asked.
"Meiko's and Kaito's voices will be taken to the market!" Girl shouted and bite a sandwich.
Who is Meiko and Kaito? They seem sisters because they have name that rhymes.
If i checked right, Meiko seems to be a human version of Courtney Gears and Kaito is, well, typical bishounen. 
"Is it really a miracle, as they are from the first series, and you from the second?" beautiful woman with pink hair said.
Well Miku seems lesbian if she calls a lady beautiful, or then she has equality standards.

"Who are you, anyway?" asked the ice cream eating man.
CORRECTION: La Parka doesn't care about other people's names. He simply kills, or rapes.
"Hatsune Miku, from the second series" I introduced myself.                             "Kagamine Rin, a bow-girl said.                                                                                  "Kagamine Len, boy next to the Rin said, and moved peas to the other side of dish.
-"Sakine Meiko"
-"Shion Kaito".                                                                                                        "Megurine Luka", pink-haired girl said.
I cut a piece of meat.
"By the way, what the market launch of the voices mean?"
"Voices will be announced as simply put." Kaito said and munched waffles.
What are Kaito and Meiko doing there anyway? I thought that pink-haired girl with bow was jealous? And when the UTAU invasion happens?
After lunch there was a free stuff to do. We all hold training together and tried a variety of duos. We had to ask for more songs, because we got tired of the old ones.
In my opinion, all the Vocaloid songs are boring. I would like to see Miku singing "Welcome To The Jungle" damn it!
Later in the day there was a news report that presented the latest Vocaloids. In addition to me Rin, Len, Luka and one Megpoid introduced themselves. Megpoid came up to me later.
"Hello. You Probably know who I am. Call me Gumi, he held out his hand".
 Who is Megpoid? Is she/he some kind of dinosaur? That would give this story new impact!
"Hello. Nice to meet you. You can call me Miku-sama", i shook Gumi's hands.
-"Miku-SAMA?"
"No-no. Joke, joke!"
                                                                                                            "I shocked already!" Gumi laughed.
What's wrong with "Sama"? In Finnish it means "same".
In the evening, when I was just going to bed, Rin knocked on my door.
-"Miku-oneesan, you want to come for a sleepover?" Rin almost jumped for joy."Sleepover? Well, sure," i accepted.
I would invite Miku for a sleepover, if she accepts to have sex with me.
Rin had got chips and soda from. Len brought a Playstation and a few fun games.
-I've heard that Vocaloid will become a game! Len enthused.
And I've heard rumours that you will become perhaps the most popular Vocaloid ever!, Rin said.
Where did they heard that?
To know everything, you must give up everything.
-"Huh? Me? How is that possible, I'm only a newcomer" I was wondering, while focusing on accuracy games.
-Yes, Len said too.
 Later, when Len had left the room, Rin found me a mattress, which we placed together.
-Is Len nice brother, I asked.
-Yes, Rin nodded and smiled. -Yes, he is sometimes a little bit silly, but kind and funny.
-I wish I would have a brother, I said quietly.
-Of course it would be possible. It may be that you'll be developed in a boy version.
-Really? I wondered. -That would be fun.
Ladies and Gentlemen, i present to you.
AUTOTUNE.
We had fallen asleep with Rin in early morning. The next day, I woke up before Rin. I wondered first where I was. I started to think about what Rin had said yesterday. The boy version of me ... I thought. Rin thought that I still slept. He came to tickle me.
-Rin! Stop it! I laughed. It was wonderful to be a Vocaloid.
It's wonderful to be overrated MIDI Replacement bitch!

Who is boy Miku anyway? Is that some kind of rule 63? Nah, it's a fan thing anyways.

What will happen next? Find out Later! 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction: The End Of Boredom!



OHMIGOSH ITS THURSDAY ALREADY!

I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY DIGIMON FANFIC YET!

But anywho, here's another edition of Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner! Which is:

"The End of Boredom?" No, that's not End Of Evangelion fanfiction from Hideaki Anno's P.O.V.

This is, Andrew HussieXLauren Faust.

...
......
......... 
Excuse me, what?

Now let me get this straight. Their both creations are popular, but SHIPPING them is only for mad fanboys/girls from tumblr!
Though, that somehow fits. Because Faust is depressed drug addict and Hussie is, according to Guinness World Records, person who has bought the most porn ever? (1,034,234,100 dollars if i remember right) So Catholic Church hates them both.

Also i hate them both....

Anyways, let's move to our fanfic, where Lauren Faust writes a Valentine Card to Andrew Hussie, and it's written by SiFi270.

"Mister Hussie?" Ms. Paint, the classiest artist in all of Prospit, knocked gently on the door. "There's a letter for you. It seems to be a Valentines card."

And story of course has to be started with a stupid HomeStuck word!

"Valentines!" Andrew Hussie rubbed his hands together in excitement. "What a day! Ms. Paint, do 
you know what's so special about Valentines for me?"

Also Ms. Paint? That's the second most ridiculous name pun i've ever seen! Also why is Andrew excited about Valentine Cards? It could be from some crazy fangirl who wants him to send his sperm to her so she could make herself and her sister pregnant?

 "What is it, Mister Hussie?" She tilted her head.
"It's the one day I bring my characters closer together instead of killing them off!" He declared proudly. "Show me the card!"

Well this writer at least showed ONE truth about Hu-Say.

Ms. Paint nodded as she produced a pink envelope decorated with stars, hearts, and horseshoes. Andrew accepted the letter and opened it.

Don't open! It might contain link to Tumblr!

"Huss." He read aloud. "Meet me in Princess Celestia's castle in Canterlot at 3PM. Hoping to see you very soon, L F." He put the letter down. "L F? What do those letters have to do with DNA? What kind of awful fantroll is...

What kind of awful fantroll?

100% of fantrolls are awful!

" He paused, reaching once more for the letter. "Celestia... Canterlot... Very soon? Ms. Paint, do you know what this means?"
"That equines will haunt you forever?" She guessed.

Hahahahahahahaha... Last RAW was funnier than that.

"No, I already worked that one out long ago." He said. "It means that my fanbase and the brorses are going to be very upset. To Canterlot!"

Brorses? The writer doesn't know ANYTHING about bronies! Also nice way ruining Camelot, Lauren!


Lauren Faust paced nervously back and forth as she waited for her guest.
"Is something wrong, mother?" Celestia approached her with a worried look on her face. "You've been like this for an hour now. I haven't seen you this nervous since... Well, since you started on this show!"

She's a drug addict! She is used to be nervous! Also what is a fictional pony doing there? Lauren is heavy on drugs, i see.

"What time is it?" Lauren asked hastily.

IT'S ADVENTURE VADER PAY HORRIBLE SLASH TIME!

 "Do I look humanoid or equine right now? Where's Andrew?"
"It's... Half past two..." Her daughter answered. "You look equine, and... Andrew?" Her pupils narrowed until they were the size of pin-pricks. "Oh... Oh no... Mother, you didn't!"

"Oh yes i did! And i also invited Gabe Newell!

"Surprise!" Andrew barged through the front door. "This had better be important. I was in the middle of making the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Thanksgiving Special!"

"prother pass the trukey"
"no"
"AAGAGSGVCSVCVHASJAABRAFSHAJ"
IMAGE RELATED
"Andrew!" Lauren ran excitedly towards him. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see you! I have something very important to tell you."
"I'm... Half an hour early..." He noted. "So what is it?"

"I want your sperm so i can make me and my sister pregnant."

"Andrew..." Her voice lowered down to a whisper. "I... I love you, Andrew. Will you be my very special somepony this Hearts and Hooves day?"

...

Andrew raised his left hand and wiggled his fingers. "There may be a problem with that..."
"You mean..." Tears began to form in Lauren's eyes. "You won't...?"
"Well, I..." He nervously scratched his head.

"I've got something to tell you" Andrew said.
"What?" Lauren said with an extremetly sad voice.

IT'S ME LAUREN! IT WAS ME, ALL ALONG, LAUREN!

THE END

Just then, Lauren's despair caused Discord to break out of his stone prison.
"Ha-ha!" He cried triumphantly. "After another thousand years I'm free! It's time to bring about the end of the universe!"

And then writer didn't had any idea what to write and added a stupid overrated villain

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "But it hasn't even been a thous..."
Just then, the universe ended. And, as you'd expect, Lord English arrived as a result.
"WHAT A PEACEFUL UNIVERSE THIS HAS BEEN." He bellowed. "I INTEND TO GO BACK AND CHANGE THAT." His massive Cairo Overcoat transformed into two halves of a sarcophagus, both of which joined together around him before disappearing into the past.
"Oh, what an idea!" Discord clapped his hands excitedly as he too began to disappear. "I am so there!"
Celestia's eyes burned with rage. "Oh, now look what you've done!" She chastised. "I suppose now you expect me or the Elements of Harmony to go out there and fix this. Well, allow me to be the first ever in Equestria to say; Fuck that! You and my mother are going back in time and you're going to fix this together! Do you understand?"

What...

"Waaaaaaaay ahead of ya." Andrew jumped onto Lauren's back and pointed straight ahead. With a reluctant nod, she flew in that direction. Upon reaching 80MPH, she began to leave a trail of flaming rainbows behind her, and as soon as she hit 88, the two disappeared completely, leaving naught but a Sonic Rainboom to signify that they were ever there to begin with.

AND THEN THOUSAND KILLER ROBOTS CAME AND KILLED DISCORD! BUT DISCORD INVITED THE POWER RANGERS!! *Glass Shatters*
JIM ROSS: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
AND BEFORE AUSTIN COULD STUN THE SIXTH RANGER SLENDERMAN CAME AND ATE ANDREW HUSSIE.
THEN BEAR ZOMBIE CYCLONE HEAD NICHOLAS CAGE CAME AND FOUGHT GODZILLA AND CAPTAIN QWARK CAME WITH Q-FORCE AND THEY FOUGHT EVIL POWER RANGERS WHICH WERE CONTROLLED BY CTHULHU. BUT ONE OF THE KILLER ROBOTS HYPNOTIZED HIM AND HE TURNED INTO *pause breath* A PHILOSOPHER'S STONE AND HARRY POTTER USED IT TO KILL CAPTAIN QWARK'S AIRSHIP AND SWEET BRO DIDN'T PASS THE TURKEY, MICHAEL COLE RAPED HEIDENREICH AND...
*faints*


"So do you have a plan?" Lauren asked. "I'm fairly sure our author powers alone won't be able to stand up against those two."

Just invite your angry fanbois and they love and tolerate the fuck out of 'em!

"Do I have a plan?" Andrew began to laugh hysterically. "Do I have a plan? Do I have a plan? Do I havNo. No I do not. How about you?"
"I was thinking we could defeat them using the power of love..." She sighed. "But that doesn't seem very likely to work given the circumstances."
"Lauren Faust!" His eyes widened. "Are you saying that I am incapable of love? That is just so untrue! Why, I'm the lovingest person ever! Just ask anyone!"

Yes, ask those 1000 fangirls Hussie raped. And Avery Petrie, but he's gay! That explains everything!

Elsewhere, Ryan North finished the latest episode of Dinosaur Comics and sighed loudly.

And somewhere Fortan was puking because this story sucked.

"Listen here..." He demanded. "We are going to stop these two, and we are going to stop them using the power of love, and we are going to stop them using the power of love between you and me."
Lauren grew teary once more. "You... You really mean...?"
"You're welcome." He smiled.

And Andrew Hussie ripped Damien Sandow off ONCE AGAIN.

And with that, they finally arrived in the past. Or rather, what was left of it.
"YOU ARE ALREADY TOO LATE." Lord English bellowed. "DISCORD AND I HAVE TORN THIS WORLD TO SHREDS, AND YOU TWO ARE NEXT."

YOU ALSO SOMETHING IMPORTANT!

"Oh, are we next?" Andrew climbed off Lauren's back and assumed a fighting stance. "Are we next? ARE WE NEXT? No."

Now i know where those "No."'s came from! I should've knew it was a HomeStuck meme!

"You're next, Lord English." Lauren's horn began to glow. "You and that freak over there. You two are going down."
"Oh, please..." Discord waved his hand dismissively. "What could you two possibly hope to do to us? You have no weapons! No defenses! No plan!"

"Don't worry" Hussie said. "We've got an AIRBAG"




That makes anyone, even Hussie look badass!

"And doesn't that scare you to death!" Andrew grinned. "Lauren Faust?"
"Yes, Andrew Hussie?" She displayed a similar grin.
"...I love you."
Discord's pupils narrowed until they were the size of pin-pricks. "Oh... Oh no..."
"They didn't..." Lord English breathed.
"We're just about to!" Andrew turned around and began to move closer to Lauren, who immediately realized what he had in mind. Before either Discord or Lord English could comprehend what was happening, the two were engaged in sloppy makeouts.
Moments later, both Discord and Lord English were nothing more than statues.

They were like me, the worst nightmare came up true. Meanwhile Gabe Newell had sex with Notch.

Lauren finally broke away for air. "Andrew, that was incredible!" She declared. "We just saved the multiverse by making out!"
"Who cares about the universe?" He dismissed. "We're each other's very special someponies now! We can do anything!"
The two stared awkwardly at one another for a while.
"So..." She tried to scratch her head, only to remember that she was still in equine form. "You said you were working on a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Thanksgiving Special?"
"Oh yeah, that!" He laughed. "I was thinking, maybe, Sweet Bro eats too much turkey, and so the next few panels show him expanding until he's larger than the earth itself, and then it... Just kind of ends. I dunno."

NO! DON'T MAKE SWEET BRO BIGGER THAN EARTH! THAT'S GIGA-SAKURA'S JOB!

And then Hussie and Faust made everyone to hail their creations, and also they recruited Vince McMahon, who cancelled NFL seasons. And everyone laughed.

THE END. 

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Co rner: Daddy Dearest!

Sorry, No Fortan Reviews Crap today. Mainly because i can't find any crap i should review.

Instead i give you a second Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner, whose main target of mocking was requested by Niall "Jasper" Passmore.

What?

 If it''s requested by Jasper himself it MUST be bad, and this isn't any fanfic, this is HOMESTUCK fanfic.

"Daddy Dearest", also known as "John Loves His Daddy" written by HannaFalkCross.


John is a good boy. And he loves his daddy. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! This is a joke fic, purposefully written badly! I'm happy if you enjoy it, I'm thrilled if it makes you laugh, but please, PLEASE, don't take this seriously.
Well i've gone to Tumblr and people seem to take this shit seriously.

I'm going to review this in "serious" mood.

 Daddy Dearest
John is a good boy.
And he loves his daddy.
Sounds like a nursery rhyme, why didn't they included it in "Kiddy Korner"
And this story has been accepted by Aloysius Pig from *BA-DUM* the network!

John loves making his daddy happy.
He always makes good grades in school so his daddy will smile and pat him on the head.
I would also love making my daddy happy.

If he wasn't asshole for like, 24/7 or something.

 He learned to bake even though he hates cakes so his daddy would praise him and give him hugs.
PRAISE THE LORD EGBERT! Daddy seems to be Laestadian...
Also why John hates cakes? Just because Andrew Hussie also does?
He never uses bad words and is always polite so his daddy gives him kisses
But he seems to drop ridiculous amounts of blood anyway.
John loves how his daddy still lets him sit in his lap.
And he loves how his daddy's arms hold him close, all snug and warm.
John, that is not your daddy! That's Uncle Steve!
Uncle Steve seems to grow backwards
John loves how his daddy undresses him for bathtime.
And he loves that he's allowed to undress his daddy.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 John loves sitting in the bathtub with his daddy.
Daddy loves to grab John's Tweeny-Weeny! "Oooooh that feel's gooooooooooood" Daddy says.
 And that his daddy is careful to wash him everywhere.
Including his Tweeny-Weeny.
He loves how his daddy wraps him in a big fluffy towel and picks him up.
And he loves how his daddy lays him very gently on his bed.
Sounds bawdy? I don't care!
John loves when his daddy kneels over him and starts gently touching him, carresing him.
And he loves the soft murmurs of encouragement he gets when he moans softly, like a mewling kitten.
Okay, this is starting to suck even if it was a JOKE FANFIC
He loves when his daddy gently spreads his legs, hands so gentle like he's afraid he'll break John.
And he loves when his daddy's slick fingers press inside of his little hole, finding this little spot that makes him shudder and mewl and vision go white.
At least we now know why John is white! And why his daddy doesn't have a face!
John loves how his daddy gently strokes his small cock as he pulls his fingers out.
AND THEN AMY KILLED EVERYBODY
And he's careful to take deep breaths like his daddy says, keeping himself relaxed.
John has no problem relaxing and even smiling softly as his daddy presses the head of his cock to his stretched hole; he knows it hurts a little at first, it always does.
I think Aloysius has commited a suicide....
 But John trusts his daddy, and his daddy never hurts him on purpose.
Expect in this case.

And it does hurt, and John clenches his daddy's shoulders, trying not to cry.
And his daddy softly murmurs what a good boy he is and strokes him gently, rubbing his sides and back where he can reach to comfort John.
His daddy waits, patiently still, until John has adjusted and is nodding to move.
And his daddy thrusts into him, soft and slow.
Until John starts mewling and squirming, pressing the softest kisses to his daddy's cheeks and neck, then his daddy thrusts a little faster, and just a little harder.
"Mewling" and "Squirming"? Now i know why this fanfic is bad! It has too many words that Tumblr-users can't understand.

And he hits that little spot again, and John arches up into his daddy's touch.
And his daddy keeps up his steady pace, stroking John in time, until John clenches his hands again, moaning loudly as he 'cums' (as his daddy calls it).
His daddy shudders and kisses him lightly, as he cums inside of John, which feels warm and wet but nice.
John falls limp on his bed, giving a small, weak mewl as his daddy pulls out of him.
His daddy cleans him up with the towel from his bath, and kisses his forehead, and tells John that he did good, and he loves him.
"I love you, i don't have a wife, so i keep doing my inside desires onto you my son."
And thus we proved John is a test tube baby.

And John smiles up at his daddy, as sweetly as he can manage, and tells his daddy that he loves him too, before yawning softly and kittenishly, rubbing at his eyes.
His daddy tucks him snuggly into bed, brushing his hair back and kissing his forehead again, whispering goodnight.
.If we skip the raping part, we could make it a good nursery rhyme. BUT NO!

John whispers goodnight back, and his daddy leaves, turning off his light and closing the door.
John snuggles down in his bed, soft little fingers curling gently in his sheets as he drifts off to sleep with only one thought in his head;
He loves his daddy.
And this "joke" fanfic stereotyped not-only Pedophiles, but also homosexuals ONCE AGAIN!

This story was bad, and the creator of it should feel bad. I don't even... I've never.... what the....

Alright, i will never look at the HomeStuck, no, entire MSPA same way again, EVER.

I don't even want to know what Hussie's reaction is.
And by this we proved Hussie steal from Damien Sandow before he even existed.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: Sonic and Tails Love Story!

Alright, before we go any further, i tell every person that hates yaoi to turn around, count to 10, listen to nice music (Like Foggy Fumes from Donkey Kong Country Returns, That is one of the most relaxing tracks ever even from a Nintendo game!) and then keep scrolling down and breathing slowly.

First of all, i'm not responsible for any heart attacks this story might do.

Secondly, if you're a Sonic fan or former Sonic fan (Yes Gabe i'm talking to YOU!) GET OUT!

Anyways uh..... let's start our first fanfiction which is....Sonic And Tails Love Story.

Uhhhh, yes. These guys had a furry fandom few years ago. Thankfully it's over, but now we have MLP, SO WHAT! For some reason i always imagine Tails to have Christopher Welch's voice. IT KEEPS HAUNTING ME. ALWAYS.

Anyways let's move to our story written by Miles'Tails'Prowerlover (Name sounds already like goofy 7-year old fanboy!)


A Sonic and Tails love story
Hi! This is my first time submitting a SonTails fanfic. Tell me what think about it ^^
Is he trying to say "What you think about it?" or "What to think about it?". I guess it was the later one.


Sonic's Point Of View
A blue figure was running through the forest. It was Sonic the Hedgehog and he was doing his morning run. A blue hedgehog with cobalt quills and green eyes,
This seems okay for now...
Sonic had a secret, one he had been keeping from everyone, he was gay, and he was in love with his best friend Tails.
AAAAND There goes the "okay seeming". Please send a postcard.
He and Tails live together for a very long time and Sonic only began to notice he was gay when he looked at him and his penis would become hard as stone.
Look! This story was so lame "d" from the first sequence escaped with "Okay Seeming"! Or then it's just the bad grammar.

Also since when Sonic had a genitals anyway? In every game appearance of him, he always is cartoonish-ly naked.
or then that blue part is just a part of a gigolo suit! We knew it all along Austin!
(Sonic Narration)
After my morning runs in the forest I went home. On my way home I thought "I've gotta tell Tails how I feel about him, not tomorrow, not next week, but today."
When I got home I closed the entrance door and took a deep breath and then called Tails "Hey Tails, buddy I'm home! And can you please come here I need to talk with you about something important."
"I can't tell about it in next week, i guess Dr. Ivo Robotnik Eggman could turn everyone into robots again! Including my Pay-Nis! No more suprise masturbating! That's why i'm so fast!" Sorry for ruining your childhood.

Tails P.O.V
Tails was in his room when he heard Sonic leaving for his morning runs; he got up from his bed and went to eat something at the kitchen. Tails was a twin two tailed fox with orange fur and light blue eyes. Like Sonic he was also gay, but he didn't tell anyone, not even Sonic, because the one who he loved was Sonic. He discovered that he was gay when he looked or though of Sonic and started to become aroused and his penis would get hard and let out some fluids.
Let out some fluids? They must use it as a COCK when they run out of water! (Sorry for lame pun everyone)
After eating he left the kitchen and went to his workshop "Well Sonic is out for his morning runs, I think I'm going to work at my inventions in my workshop". After working for a while he began to think of Sonic and how he loved him, he took a deep breath and decided that it was time to tell Sonic that he loved him, "Okay, I have decided, I'm going to talk with Sonic about this when he gets home from running."
And then Tails builded a vibrator! 
And it looked something like this.
(Tails Narration)
After a few minutes I heard the door and then I heard Sonic calling for me. I went over to him to see what he wants to tell me and I'll tell him about that.

Sonic P.O.V
(Sonic Narration)
When Tails arrived my heart started pounding and looked like he was about to explode out of my chest.
Since when Sonic's heart was a living person? I guess "he" pretty much caused all of the Sonic's drowning sequences.
"I'm really a muskrat! Stupid hedgehog heart!"

"I'm here Sonic, what do you want to talk about that it's so important?" Tails asked.
"You'll see, let's go to my room, we can talk there." I answer.
"Sonic before we go I also something important to talk with you." He said.
"Ok, we'll talk about it upstairs in my room" I tell him
"I also Something Important!" Tails's message to haters who got tired of him.
Tails nodded silently and he followed me to my room. When we got to my room we both sit on the bed. Then I open my mouth and start saying "Tails, there is something I've been keeping from you for a long time and I can't hold up anymore. So I'm going straight to the point. Tails…. I… I … I… lo… lo… love… y…y…you."
AND THEN AMY KILLED EVERYBODY
The moment I said that I turned my head the other way and many thoughts about what would happen next occurred me.
 Maybe you guys should get some pants?
Tails P.O.V
(Tails Narration)
I can't believe in what I just heard, I was afraid to tell him because after he knew this I thought he wouldn't be want to be near me anymore, but then he comes and says that he loves me? Wow, that sure is a relief.
Wow, when i finish reviewing this that SURE is a relief.
After a moment Sonic is still facing the other way, asks me sobbing "So Tails what was it that you wanted to tell me then?" When he asked me only one thing occurred me "Sonic, can you turn this way and look at me?" I asked and then he turns around with tears running down his cheeks. "Okay, now please close your eyes" he closes his eyes and I say "What I wanted to tell you was this" I went closer to him and kissed him on his lips, Sonic opens his eyes surprised, I break the kiss and say "I love you Sonic." Just as I finished saying that, Sonic's tears stopped and he was now smiling.
AND THEN AMY KILLED EVERYBODY 
And then Knuckles came and was like "WHUT DA HAYELL?"
And then Sonic's evil vibrator came and OKAY SHUT UP

Then I couldn't hold out anymore I look at Sonic penis and see he is having an erection, just like me. I look at Sonic's face again and ask "Do you want to do it?" he nods silently with a smile.
Having an erection while looking at other person??? What a perverted world we live in!

Also, Sonic and Tails performing gay sex? Or are they just going to save the world from Ivo Robotnik Eggman?

As soon as he agrees I pick up his hand and put it on my penis, I stroke it up and down until Sonic started doing it himself. Then I do the same; I put my hand in Sonic's penis and start jacking it off.
Jack It! Sonic Warrior!
This sensation was so good that I start to moan in pleasure "Ohhh, Sonic please do it harder" after hearing that he stops jacking my penis, he opens his mouths and puts my penis inside it and sucked it while he started to jack off my penis again.
Why i have enough brains to read this? At least it's text, not a picture.
This sensation was so great that I couldn't hold out any longer, "Oh Sonic I'm going to cum!"
Sex is suppossed to be painful! (At least how school teaches us) I thought this was a love story, not a novel porn!
Who does blowjob in real life anyway? It's only in porn! That is also so disgusting. According to christians sex was made to make babies! Not having it for fun! Now i at least understand why Jasper and Avery hate porn.
the cum came out and went into Sonic's throat.
*Drowning music*

"Well now it's time to make you cum" I say in a seductive voice and I started to jack Sonic penis harder until he "Tails I'm going to cum!" after hearing that I immediately put my mouth into his penis and he let's his cum come out. It tasted wonderfully!
NO! NO! NO! It's supposed to taste horrible! (At least how jokes teach us) That's it, it's not a yaoi love story! It's a stereotypical gay story! I call LGBT Foundation to sue this man!
Then Sonic opens his drawer and takes out some lube, e puts some on his hand and then he brushes it on my penis and then on his ass entrance.

[OKAY SCROLL DOWN NOW]
He puts himself with his belly down signalizing me to put my penis into his ass. I insert my penis into Sonic's ass slowly and then I start thrusting back and forth, this feels so great I can't describe it in words I continue thrusting and when I hit Sonic prostate he let's out a load moan of pleasure. At that point Sonic tells me "Tails leave your penis where it is, I want to feel you inside me" when I hear Sonic me that I stopped and let my penis stay inside his ass, I hug him and curl up with him. After a while we fall asleep in the bed.
The end.
That was the most DISGUSTING story i have ever read! And i guess this blog will have even more disgusting ones! (Hopefully not)


I give this -5 stars. This is really disgusting and ugly and i can't stand another one of this, but sadly, Internet is full of these.

(I guess Something Awful has reviewed this story for million times already, but whatever. Nobody even visits that shit anymore thanks to 4chan)
This story also showed homosexual people as a perverts who want to get a dick into their asses all the time.
Just because they like men, does it mean that they want dick all the time?

I'm kind of sure that gay sex doesn't exist. I guess even homosexual people think it's freaking disgusting.
Though i would like to have a hug from this guy. But even guys want this guy, so what?

And what comes to me, i survived. And now i will erase this from my brain forever.

What fanfiction i should review next? Please write a comment and follow!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

5 reasons why Homestuck game will destroy the Gaming Industry

Ladies and Gentlemen, Sheik Al-Trev Husay i mean, Mark Anderson has gone too far.

He has decided to make HomeStuck an official game called "Kickstarter". It will be released in 2014.

Here's some info about it: http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Homestuck_Adventure_Game

Seriously, this game will be a huge Earthbound rip-off because Anderson has a "lag-of-originality" disease. Also he forces his fans to send him MONEY???! That is the most meaniest thing any creator could ever do.

Everyone knows he wastes all his money on porn and he already absorbs people's tax money by sending them fake taxes. Now i know why Vince McMahon hasn't used One Man Gangbang for years. Thankfully it doesn't tell what game is about, but i guess it's all about shitty mindrape and unoriginal ambitions.

It's possible that this game will destroy every other game, probadly the entire gaming industry. How, you ask? Well....

5 REASONS WHY HOMESTUCK ADVENTURE GAME WILL DESTROY GAMING INDUSTRY

5. It doesn't accept the Modern-Day Gaming Quality Standards...
If this game would've released today (not by Nintendo) rest of the copies would've buried in the desert.
 Every American game released these days is about guns, zombies, robots, nazis, robot nazis, DLC and fat screaming kids on the Multiplayer servers. Homestuck has NONE of these, if this game will be released in public, the other gamers that don't know about HomeStuck will bash this game so much that HomeStuck-ers get mad and massive war between Modern-Day Nerd Gamers and Homestuck-ers would start and other companies produce expies of HomeStuck. Finally this mess will give Gaming biggest downfall since 1983. (Yes i excluded Retro Gamers and Hipsters from the war because they're minority) To not make other game companies copy Hussie/Anderson, Andrew/Mark and his slaves must make it FPS, add Multi-Player servers and also add few zombies and robot nazis. Then game would sell as heck.

4. If it sells too much it will destroy Independent Gaming Companies
Nobody will ever remember that this guy existed
Independent Gaming companies are companies that don't earn millions of dollars and actually put EFFORT into their games, these gaming companies however, will be destroyed if Hussie/Anderson releases his game, millions and millions of his asskissers will buy that game and not other valuable games that are actually better than any Valve game ever released. This will lead into the end of lonely wolfs, because they will lose all of their money. (If Hussie can't do it with Unity then of course they need money!) This will also lead into the end of gaming because without Indie Gamers there would be no big billion dollar bling bling cash money companies like Nintendo, Activision, Valve etc.

3. Moral Guardians have finally ability to see what is HomeStuck
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT'S PG!

Internet is the only place in the world that doesn't have Moral Guardians watching over it, expect in Middle-East and Asia. When HomeStuck gets released, it would probadly get censored (HomeStuck is violent so the game itself is too?) Also Hussie/Anderson will be sued by PETA, feminists, Homosexuals, Republicans, Communists and Unoriginality Officer. (It has dogs being killed, Jerkass female characters, trolls that seem to give gay stereotypes, Anti-Patriotic contect, Nazism (Hussie/Anderson is a nazi and communists hate nazis right?) and like i said above, Hussie/Anderson has the lag-of-originality disease.)
After this horrible game Moral Guardians start playing other games and start censoring them more. (TF2 BANNED IN AMERICA, EVERY CHILDREN'S WORST NIGHTMARE SINCE BOOGEYMAN AND MITT ROMNEY!) This will make Modern-Day really violent FPS games die, and this causes nerd to go mad and gaming industry dies.

2. Making games by asking money from pedestarians without access is illegal (At least in America!)
I still wonder why this fatass piece of shit isn't in prison yet.
 Like i mentioned above, Hussie/Anderson is asking money from his fans. If someone gives him that money he will promise a reward. Also at the larger sum's he seems to go sarcastic (but he always is!)
  • At $100,000, the canonised fan troll will survive for more than one page
  • At $1 million, the fan troll becomes "the most important character in Homestuck"
  • At $10 million, Hussie will "like" a tumblr post from the backer's blog
  • At $100 million, Hussie will "reblog" a tumblr post from the backer's blog 
  • At $1 billion, Hussie will write a courteous thank-you note to the backer, and deliver it on a social media platform of their choice.  
Well, you know that some fans of Hussie take everything he says seriously and really give that big amount of money. Of course, the money-hungry nation of U.S.A. will notice this and start spying Hussie, then they realize that Hussie steals from people and nation sends him to prison. And just like in Moral Guardians section, nation also starts spying other game makers, and this will also lead fatso in the image above into prison which makes fanboys mad and, yep you guessed it, Gaming Industry crashes.

1. Or then Hussie/Anderson is just the most menacing businessman ever lived not named Vince McMahon.
>mfw someone doesn't buy Gamzee t-shirt

Face it, Hussie/Anderson is evil, he once forced the late Steve Jobs to be his slave according to some people. He also had anal sex with his female fan(s) and he is seen walking into porn stores every saturday 5:00, to be honest one porn seller was asked "Who is Andrew Hussie?" and he answered "Yes, i know him, he's one of my best customers!"
When Hussie does something, everything will go wrong, His fans are just too blind to see it. And his game will be big "FUCK YOU" to the gaming industry just like his webcomic was the big "FUCK YOU" to other webcomics.

Knowing Hussie/Anderson, his game will be, the biggest disaster in the history of Gaming, and it affects EVERYONE.