Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Co rner: Daddy Dearest!

Sorry, No Fortan Reviews Crap today. Mainly because i can't find any crap i should review.

Instead i give you a second Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner, whose main target of mocking was requested by Niall "Jasper" Passmore.

What?

 If it''s requested by Jasper himself it MUST be bad, and this isn't any fanfic, this is HOMESTUCK fanfic.

"Daddy Dearest", also known as "John Loves His Daddy" written by HannaFalkCross.

John is a good boy. And he loves his daddy. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! This is a joke fic, purposefully written badly! I'm happy if you enjoy it, I'm thrilled if it makes you laugh, but please, PLEASE, don't take this seriously.

Well i've gone to Tumblr and people seem to take this shit seriously.

I'm going to review this in "serious" mood.

 Daddy Dearest
John is a good boy.
And he loves his daddy.

Sounds like a nursery rhyme, why didn't they included it in "Kiddy Korner"

And this story has been accepted by Aloysius Pig from *BA-DUM* the network!

John loves making his daddy happy.
He always makes good grades in school so his daddy will smile and pat him on the head.

I would also love making my daddy happy.

If he wasn't asshole for like, 24/7 or something.

 He learned to bake even though he hates cakes so his daddy would praise him and give him hugs.

PRAISE THE LORD EGBERT! Daddy seems to be Laestadian...
Also why John hates cakes? Just because Andrew Hussie also does?

He never uses bad words and is always polite so his daddy gives him kisses

But he seems to drop ridiculous amounts of blood anyway.

John loves how his daddy still lets him sit in his lap.
And he loves how his daddy's arms hold him close, all snug and warm.

John, that is not your daddy! That's Uncle Steve!

Uncle Steve seems to grow backwards

John loves how his daddy undresses him for bathtime.
And he loves that he's allowed to undress his daddy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 John loves sitting in the bathtub with his daddy.

Daddy loves to grab John's Tweeny-Weeny! "Oooooh that feel's gooooooooooood" Daddy says.

 And that his daddy is careful to wash him everywhere.

Including his Tweeny-Weeny.

He loves how his daddy wraps him in a big fluffy towel and picks him up.
And he loves how his daddy lays him very gently on his bed.

Sounds bawdy? I don't care!

John loves when his daddy kneels over him and starts gently touching him, carresing him.
And he loves the soft murmurs of encouragement he gets when he moans softly, like a mewling kitten.

Okay, this is starting to suck even if it was a JOKE FANFIC

He loves when his daddy gently spreads his legs, hands so gentle like he's afraid he'll break John.
And he loves when his daddy's slick fingers press inside of his little hole, finding this little spot that makes him shudder and mewl and vision go white.

At least we now know why John is white! And why his daddy doesn't have a face!

John loves how his daddy gently strokes his small cock as he pulls his fingers out.

AND THEN AMY KILLED EVERYBODY

And he's careful to take deep breaths like his daddy says, keeping himself relaxed.
John has no problem relaxing and even smiling softly as his daddy presses the head of his cock to his stretched hole; he knows it hurts a little at first, it always does.

I think Aloysius has commited a suicide....

 But John trusts his daddy, and his daddy never hurts him on purpose.

Expect in this case.

And it does hurt, and John clenches his daddy's shoulders, trying not to cry.
And his daddy softly murmurs what a good boy he is and strokes him gently, rubbing his sides and back where he can reach to comfort John.
His daddy waits, patiently still, until John has adjusted and is nodding to move.
And his daddy thrusts into him, soft and slow.
Until John starts mewling and squirming, pressing the softest kisses to his daddy's cheeks and neck, then his daddy thrusts a little faster, and just a little harder.

"Mewling" and "Squirming"? Now i know why this fanfic is bad! It has too many words that Tumblr-users can't understand.

And he hits that little spot again, and John arches up into his daddy's touch.
And his daddy keeps up his steady pace, stroking John in time, until John clenches his hands again, moaning loudly as he 'cums' (as his daddy calls it).
His daddy shudders and kisses him lightly, as he cums inside of John, which feels warm and wet but nice.
John falls limp on his bed, giving a small, weak mewl as his daddy pulls out of him.
His daddy cleans him up with the towel from his bath, and kisses his forehead, and tells John that he did good, and he loves him.

"I love you, i don't have a wife, so i keep doing my inside desires onto you my son."
And thus we proved John is a test tube baby.

And John smiles up at his daddy, as sweetly as he can manage, and tells his daddy that he loves him too, before yawning softly and kittenishly, rubbing at his eyes.
His daddy tucks him snuggly into bed, brushing his hair back and kissing his forehead again, whispering goodnight.

.If we skip the raping part, we could make it a good nursery rhyme. BUT NO!

John whispers goodnight back, and his daddy leaves, turning off his light and closing the door.
John snuggles down in his bed, soft little fingers curling gently in his sheets as he drifts off to sleep with only one thought in his head;
He loves his daddy.

And this "joke" fanfic stereotyped not-only Pedophiles, but also homosexuals ONCE AGAIN!

This story was bad, and the creator of it should feel bad. I don't even... I've never.... what the....

Alright, i will never look at the HomeStuck, no, entire MSPA same way again, EVER.

I don't even want to know what Hussie's reaction is.

And by this we proved Hussie steal from Damien Sandow before he even existed.