OHMIGOSH ITS THURSDAY ALREADY!
I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY DIGIMON FANFIC YET!
But anywho, here's another edition of Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner! Which is:
"The End of Boredom?" No, that's not End Of Evangelion fanfiction from Hideaki Anno's P.O.V.
This is, Andrew HussieXLauren Faust.
...
......
.........
Excuse me, what?
Now let me get this straight. Their both creations are popular, but SHIPPING them is only for mad fanboys/girls from tumblr!
Though, that somehow fits. Because Faust is depressed drug addict and Hussie is, according to Guinness World Records, person who has bought the most porn ever? (1,034,234,100 dollars if i remember right) So Catholic Church hates them both.
Also i hate them both....
Anyways, let's move to our fanfic, where Lauren Faust writes a Valentine Card to Andrew Hussie, and it's written by SiFi270.
"Mister Hussie?" Ms. Paint, the classiest artist in all of Prospit, knocked gently on the door. "There's a letter for you. It seems to be a Valentines card."
And story of course has to be started with a stupid HomeStuck word!
"Valentines!" Andrew Hussie rubbed his hands together in excitement. "What a day! Ms. Paint, do
you know what's so special about Valentines for me?"
Also Ms. Paint? That's the second most ridiculous name pun i've ever seen! Also why is Andrew excited about Valentine Cards? It could be from some crazy fangirl who wants him to send his sperm to her so she could make herself and her sister pregnant?
"What is it, Mister Hussie?" She tilted her head.
"It's the one day I bring my characters closer together instead of killing them off!" He declared proudly. "Show me the card!"
Well this writer at least showed ONE truth about Hu-Say.
Ms. Paint nodded as she produced a pink envelope decorated with stars, hearts, and horseshoes. Andrew accepted the letter and opened it.
Don't open! It might contain link to Tumblr!
"Huss." He read aloud. "Meet me in Princess Celestia's castle in Canterlot at 3PM. Hoping to see you very soon, L F." He put the letter down. "L F? What do those letters have to do with DNA? What kind of awful fantroll is...
What kind of awful fantroll?
100% of fantrolls are awful!
" He paused, reaching once more for the letter. "Celestia... Canterlot... Very soon? Ms. Paint, do you know what this means?"
"That equines will haunt you forever?" She guessed.
Hahahahahahahaha... Last RAW was funnier than that.
"No, I already worked that one out long ago." He said. "It means that my fanbase and the brorses are going to be very upset. To Canterlot!"
Brorses? The writer doesn't know ANYTHING about bronies! Also nice way ruining Camelot, Lauren!
Lauren Faust paced nervously back and forth as she waited for her guest.
"Is something wrong, mother?" Celestia approached her with a worried look on her face. "You've been like this for an hour now. I haven't seen you this nervous since... Well, since you started on this show!"
She's a drug addict! She is used to be nervous! Also what is a fictional pony doing there? Lauren is heavy on drugs, i see.
"What time is it?" Lauren asked hastily.
IT'S
"Do I look humanoid or equine right now? Where's Andrew?"
"It's... Half past two..." Her daughter answered. "You look equine, and... Andrew?" Her pupils narrowed until they were the size of pin-pricks. "Oh... Oh no... Mother, you didn't!"
 |
| "Oh yes i did! And i also invited Gabe Newell! |
"Surprise!" Andrew barged through the front door. "This had better be important. I was in the middle of making the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Thanksgiving Special!"
"prother pass the trukey"
"no"
"AAGAGSGVCSVCVHASJAABRAFSHAJ"
 |
| IMAGE RELATED |
"I'm... Half an hour early..." He noted. "So what is it?"
"I want your sperm so i can make me and my sister pregnant."
"Andrew..." Her voice lowered down to a whisper. "I... I love you, Andrew. Will you be my very special somepony this Hearts and Hooves day?"
...
Andrew raised his left hand and wiggled his fingers. "There may be a problem with that..."
"You mean..." Tears began to form in Lauren's eyes. "You won't...?"
"Well, I..." He nervously scratched his head.
"I've got something to tell you" Andrew said.
"What?" Lauren said with an extremetly sad voice.
 | ||
| IT'S ME LAUREN! IT WAS ME, ALL ALONG, LAUREN! |
Just then, Lauren's despair caused Discord to break out of his stone prison.
"Ha-ha!" He cried triumphantly. "After another thousand years I'm free! It's time to bring about the end of the universe!"
And then writer didn't had any idea what to write and added a stupid overrated villain
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "But it hasn't even been a thous..."
Just then, the universe ended. And, as you'd expect, Lord English arrived as a result.
"WHAT A PEACEFUL UNIVERSE THIS HAS BEEN." He bellowed. "I INTEND TO GO BACK AND CHANGE THAT." His massive Cairo Overcoat transformed into two halves of a sarcophagus, both of which joined together around him before disappearing into the past.
"Oh, what an idea!" Discord clapped his hands excitedly as he too began to disappear. "I am so there!"
Celestia's eyes burned with rage. "Oh, now look what you've done!" She chastised. "I suppose now you expect me or the Elements of Harmony to go out there and fix this. Well, allow me to be the first ever in Equestria to say; Fuck that! You and my mother are going back in time and you're going to fix this together! Do you understand?"
What...
"Waaaaaaaay ahead of ya." Andrew jumped onto Lauren's back and pointed straight ahead. With a reluctant nod, she flew in that direction. Upon reaching 80MPH, she began to leave a trail of flaming rainbows behind her, and as soon as she hit 88, the two disappeared completely, leaving naught but a Sonic Rainboom to signify that they were ever there to begin with.
AND THEN THOUSAND KILLER ROBOTS CAME AND KILLED DISCORD! BUT DISCORD INVITED THE POWER RANGERS!! *Glass Shatters*
JIM ROSS: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
AND BEFORE AUSTIN COULD STUN THE SIXTH RANGER SLENDERMAN CAME AND ATE ANDREW HUSSIE.
THEN BEAR ZOMBIE CYCLONE HEAD NICHOLAS CAGE CAME AND FOUGHT GODZILLA AND CAPTAIN QWARK CAME WITH Q-FORCE AND THEY FOUGHT EVIL POWER RANGERS WHICH WERE CONTROLLED BY CTHULHU. BUT ONE OF THE KILLER ROBOTS HYPNOTIZED HIM AND HE TURNED INTO *pause breath* A PHILOSOPHER'S STONE AND HARRY POTTER USED IT TO KILL CAPTAIN QWARK'S AIRSHIP AND SWEET BRO DIDN'T PASS THE TURKEY, MICHAEL COLE RAPED HEIDENREICH AND...
*faints*
"So do you have a plan?" Lauren asked. "I'm fairly sure our author powers alone won't be able to stand up against those two."
Just invite your angry fanbois and they love and tolerate the fuck out of 'em!
"Do I have a plan?" Andrew began to laugh hysterically. "Do I have a plan? Do I have a plan? Do I havNo. No I do not. How about you?"
"I was thinking we could defeat them using the power of love..." She sighed. "But that doesn't seem very likely to work given the circumstances."
"Lauren Faust!" His eyes widened. "Are you saying that I am incapable of love? That is just so untrue! Why, I'm the lovingest person ever! Just ask anyone!"
Yes, ask those 1000 fangirls Hussie raped. And Avery Petrie, but he's gay! That explains everything!
Elsewhere, Ryan North finished the latest episode of Dinosaur Comics and sighed loudly.
And somewhere Fortan was puking because this story sucked.
"Listen here..." He demanded. "We are going to stop these two, and we are going to stop them using the power of love, and we are going to stop them using the power of love between you and me."
Lauren grew teary once more. "You... You really mean...?"
"You're welcome." He smiled.
And Andrew Hussie ripped Damien Sandow off ONCE AGAIN.
And with that, they finally arrived in the past. Or rather, what was left of it.
"YOU ARE ALREADY TOO LATE." Lord English bellowed. "DISCORD AND I HAVE TORN THIS WORLD TO SHREDS, AND YOU TWO ARE NEXT."
YOU ALSO SOMETHING IMPORTANT!
"Oh, are we next?" Andrew climbed off Lauren's back and assumed a fighting stance. "Are we next? ARE WE NEXT? No."
Now i know where those "No."'s came from! I should've knew it was a HomeStuck meme!
"You're next, Lord English." Lauren's horn began to glow. "You and that freak over there. You two are going down."
"Oh, please..." Discord waved his hand dismissively. "What could you two possibly hope to do to us? You have no weapons! No defenses! No plan!"
"Don't worry" Hussie said. "We've got an AIRBAG"
That makes anyone, even Hussie look badass!
"And doesn't that scare you to death!" Andrew grinned. "Lauren Faust?"
"Yes, Andrew Hussie?" She displayed a similar grin.
"...I love you."
Discord's pupils narrowed until they were the size of pin-pricks. "Oh... Oh no..."
"They didn't..." Lord English breathed.
"We're just about to!" Andrew turned around and began to move closer to Lauren, who immediately realized what he had in mind. Before either Discord or Lord English could comprehend what was happening, the two were engaged in sloppy makeouts.
Moments later, both Discord and Lord English were nothing more than statues.
They were like me, the worst nightmare came up true. Meanwhile Gabe Newell had sex with Notch.
Lauren finally broke away for air. "Andrew, that was incredible!" She declared. "We just saved the multiverse by making out!"
"Who cares about the universe?" He dismissed. "We're each other's very special someponies now! We can do anything!"
The two stared awkwardly at one another for a while.
"So..." She tried to scratch her head, only to remember that she was still in equine form. "You said you were working on a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Thanksgiving Special?"
"Oh yeah, that!" He laughed. "I was thinking, maybe, Sweet Bro eats too much turkey, and so the next few panels show him expanding until he's larger than the earth itself, and then it... Just kind of ends. I dunno."
NO! DON'T MAKE SWEET BRO BIGGER THAN EARTH! THAT'S GIGA-SAKURA'S JOB!
And then Hussie and Faust made everyone to hail their creations, and also they recruited Vince McMahon, who cancelled NFL seasons. And everyone laughed.
THE END.
