Novengelion Filthy Fanfiction Corner! Angel's Soul

October is over, school and work is on full basis, and we come close to Winter, and 2013 WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE END OF THE WORLD COMES LOLno.

Anywho, let's start Novengelion Month, with a Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner! The Only corner here that people actually read! I guess nobody will visit my blog for this month because it's all about Neon Genesis Evangelion, and it's old. Yes guys, NGE totally aired in 1936! Keep going on your HIWHEness!

HIWHE, now THAT is an old word, and makes no sense anymore anyway.

But let's not go to past, let's go to future. Not to 2016, to Far Far Future, when Rei is dead and Shinji's son goes to her grave and Asuka's ghost is jealou.....

What?

The Following fanfic was written by Dolpher.

1.
"Enough this boring math!" with these words Shinji entered the classroom and looked around. Good. Rei is here.
Ignoring both his classmates, who were staring at him (all but Ayanami), and his teacher who hesitated between 'student Ikari, why are you so late' and 'WHAT? How dare you!' Shinji took a pistol out of his book-bag.

It started goodly, but then the writer confused Shinji with Sousuke Sagara at the end.

Great, now we are missing La Parka and Metalhead Donkey Kong, and we can say FUCK YOU to this story.

2.
"Let's get a history lesson." Shinji smirked knowing that he was a center of his classmates - even Rei - and teacher's attention now.
"TT. Guns TT-system were used during the World War Second. In 1990s, that means 50 years later, they began popular again. Why? It turned out that a TT pistol is unstoppable. There was not - and there still is not - a bullet-proof jacket which would be able to stop a bullet shot with TT. So, bad news for you guys. The gun in my hand is TT-system. And remember that you do not have bullet-proof jackets. See? You are in troubles."

Why the hell writer turned Shinji into menacing school shooter? Real Shinji would drop the gun from his hand and then start waving weirdly.

Not sure about the Red-eyed Rebuild Shinji though, he would kick universe's ass with fists.

"Ikari!" Kentsuki glared at the boy, "What are you doing?"
Shinji looked at his friend and the teacher believed that was the right moment for an attack. But Shinji - as if he had eyes on his back - turned around in the very last moment and shot.

And suddenly Shinji was Gendo.

3.
It was not a dead shot. Bullet in stomach won't kill immediatly. But it gives results - instead of getting Shinji and disarming him the teacher fell on the floor bleeding like the proverbial pig.

Now i get it! This is Neon Genesis Evangelion: Pink Floyd Version!

That means La Parka is actually a Crazy Diamond and there will be no money!

"What am I doing?" Shinji smirked one more time.

"Curse my regimented upbringing!"

 "Don't you get it?

"MEEEEEEE!"

"I am not kidding. Well, boys and girls, move your butts and go. Get out of the classroom! And take this parody on sensei with you. NOW!"

Shinji seems to be mad about school system of Japan and now wants everyone move to the big blue bubble in the middle of the nowhere.

All 9 students stood and three boys came to the teacher. They had no idea how they would be able to carry him out of the classroom. The man was really fat and heavy.

GABE NEWELL!

Two of the boys were Shinji's friends but that was obvious for them that their friendship meant nothing for the boy with the gun right now.

OF COURSE IT DIDN'T! STOP STATING THE OBVIOUS! WHEN ARE THE COPS COMING?

Having this choice between "leave and live" and "stay and die" 4 girls joined the boys. The girls believed that Shinji - and his gun - will stay in the room, so the sooner a student leave it the longer he or she will live.

THERE IS A FREAKING GUN SEQUENCE HAPPENING! THERE ARE CAMERAS FOR THINGS LIKE THESE! CALL THE FUCKING COPS ALREADY!

And it looks like the girl were right. When the seven students took their teacher and left Shinji didn't follow them. He looked at two girls who still were inside.

*Suddenly, a sex scene*

4.
'God, thank You, Rei-chan is here' with that thought Shinji glared at Asuka:
"What are you waiting for, Reds? Get out!"
"No way, baka! I am not scared of you!"

Why Those silly Americano's always think Japanese people insult people with the word baka? I know it means stupid, but Japs are people too, that's why the word "Kusottare" exists.

Although Asuka's catchphrase was "What are you, stupid?". But he doesn't say it every time.
Kusottare is good enough.

"You should be." Shinji smiled to Ayanami, "as for you, I am glad you are here..."
"WHAT?" the hitler-girl interrupted him.

What a fancy way to insult german people, are there any images where Asuka is a nazi anyway?

We need "Asuka is Informed"-videos to replace the Hitler ones. Seriously.

"You mean, you did it just because you want to stay alone with Wonder Girl in the classroom? BAKA!"

These days Baka is only used by otaku people against trolls.

 'Does that idiot have any brain in her skull? To call a man with gun 'baka' does not serve for her life.' Shinji sighed:

I've got to agree with Shinji. And he's got a gun.

"Yes I did this because I need to talk with Ayanami-san in private. Happy now, Asuka? Get lost."

"No, I will not let you..."
"I am not going to hurt Ayanami, okay? Leave us alone. I won't kill her."

Sounds like Tommy Wiseau for some reason.

"I don't care about the doll! I will not let you die. Idiot! What do you think our classmates do right now? They are calling police."

FUCK THE TOMORROW POLICE!

"What will you do when S.W.A.T. come for you?"

WHATCHU GONNA DO, WHEN ASUKA AND THE BAKAMANIACS, RUN WILD ON YOU!

"No one will come, stupid girl. GET OUT!"

Sounds like Jasper from 2011, plus capitals and symbols.

And now Asuka saw her own destiny in Ikari's eyes. She saw it clear and crystal if she says something right now (no matter what: "hello", "I love you", "baka") Shinji will send dozens bullets in her head. Asuka looked at Rei hoping the Wonder Girl would do something.

DANCE, DANCE BOTH OF YOU!

And the albino did.

And more insulting! This fanfic is more rude than Married......With Children!

She came to Shinji.
Rei Ayanami stopped near the boy and asked:
"Who are you?"

Oh Rei you're just one successful troll.

Asuka didn't believe in what she just heard. What a stupid question! But to her surprise Shinji smiled and said:
"I knew that of all people you were the only one who could guess."

I.
AM.
OVERMIND BATMAN BEOWULF IRON MAN THE GAME SHINJI FUCKING IRAK IKARI

What a... Is he not Shinji?
Asuka looked at him with the best of her attention. It looked like Shinji. No doubts it was Shinji Ikari, the Third Child.

Unless it was La Parka, the master of disgussion and games and sack of bones.

Shinji (Shinji?) sighed:
"Well, Ayanami-san, would you like me to explain everything in private?"
"I want Pilot Soryu to listen your explanation with me if that is acceptable for you."
"Fine. Hey, Redhead, you may stay."
"I don't need your permission, you idiot."

Last line sounds like typical Giantess Collager.

'That's it' the boy thought. 'I am so sick of this witch.'
He shot right in the red-haired girl's forehead. The dead body fell on the floor and the boy said to Rei:
"Looks like that was UNacceptable for me."
"I see."

What? Somebody gets killed and Rei is like "I See?". In my fantasies you weren't so heartless!

Also in my fantasies doesn't have bitch Asuka.

Or Shinji with a Gun.

Also what a way to kill guest star! I'm telling to Hideaki Anno!

5.
"Man, I am really scared." They boy shook his head. "Fine, let's start. Rei... um... suppose commander Gendo Ikari was shot by major Misato and suppose that happened in his office... um... and suppose a year later you enters the office - and it is the same date, the 25th of November- and sees the commander. He is alive but when you say something like you are so happy to see him alive, he doesn't understand you. He says that of course he is alive and how could he not. Can you suppose that situation, Ayanami-san?"

"Affirmative."

What in the bloody hell they're talking about? Suddenly Shinji gone nice, Misato killed Gendo. (Didn't it go backwards?)

"Good news." The boy smiled but the smile vanished really fast:
"So, how do you explain it? Why is Gendo alive and doesn't know that he was killed? And before you answer: no, he is not a clone who doesn't have memory of its original. See? NOT a clone."

So Shinji gone bullshit crazy because his father didn't know that he was supossed to be dead and 304th law of united Nations say "Dead Must Stay Dead!"
Don't break the law to follow the law.

Man, that sounds like the new Judge Dredd quote.

"I do not have any explanation then."
"Oh come on, I know you do, Rei-san."
The girl nodded:
"Negative. What I would think can not be considered as a solution for your riddle."
"Just tell me!"

"Any supernatural thing. A shipskinner, a doubler, a ghost,.."
"Stop. So, it is a ghost. Ghost who doesn't know that he is dead."

Now i realized the point of this fanfic.
This was written by Fuzzy chicken who wants to troll Evangelion fans by making nonsense-making and random story that is supossed to mock NGE's weird plot.

If you want to mock nonsense-making plot, write an Anti-Homestuck fanfic.

The boy kept silence for a minute or two and said:
"If you explained him that would he believe you?"

Just call the Ghostbusters already.

"I don't know. On the one hand, according to mythology a ghost who thinks it is alive will never believe in opposite information. On the other hand, the commander knows that I always tell him truth so he would has no choice but to believe me. He would think that he is alive and as a living person he would knew I told the truth."

Well, go tell this guy is dead and nobody wants to see him anymore.

"You mean that depends on what would be dominated personality in him: a ghost or the commander?"
"Yes, I do."
"And what does dominate in you right now?"

If this Fuzzy Chicken goes even crazier i will give up.

6.
The blue-haired girl glared at the boy and saw sadness on his face:
"I am sorry but I do not understand your question."
"Remember, I said Asuka that no one would come? I said it because... Rei-san, I AM so sorry... I mean... Well, I am Shinji Ikari's son. I am 15, so today is not the 26th of November, 2015. Today is the 26th of November, 2038. There was an accident in this school 23 years ago. An explosion and fire then. Forty five pupils as well as sixteen teachers, two janitors and five white rats from biology room died."

What? So that's why Shinji, i mean Shinji Ikari Jr. would go crazy?
Alright, if this story also features evil space cowboys, Dutch ballerina's and appearance by La Parka, i'll give up. I can hold the sex fanfics but not crazy ass Fuzzy Chicken trollfics.

Their eyes met themselves and all Rei could see was truth and sorrow. The boy kept talking:
"Well, as for the war. When you died commander Ikari activated your clone. The third clone'd been killed by the sixteenth angel and the commander activated yet another clone. The clone and my father stopped the last angel then SEELE sent army to destroy NERV. My grandpa was trying to use your clone for the Third Impact (oh, by the way, that was your last clone - Dr. Akagi killed them all). But..... so, thanks to my father and to your clone, Lilith gave people their second chance. But people, who died before the Impact has begun, didn't get their lives back. Most of them were reborn and some of them decided to be in the LCL ocean. And some of them... they are like..."
"Like me" Ayanami finished his sentence.

Did this just make sense? I know it didn't made sense for you who didn't watch Evangelion AKA Fuzzy Hens.

"Y... Yes. Ghosts in trap. They are doomed to spend their last day and die again and again and again."
The boy became a bit more nervous but managed to say his next monologue with no sign of any hesitation:

Damn it, it's starting to make sense! Goodbye!