Dave McDonalds Rants: Dwayne Johnson Is The WWE Champion??? AGAIN???

(Note: Dave McDonalds isn't a real person, or actually he is. But i'm not him)

i saw this shit today and it fucking sucked. seriously, dwayne "the cock" johnson wins wwe championship? it's 2013 when it's the last time he won it? punk held it for almost a fucking year and then dwayne takes it from him with a GIMMICK ELBOW???? get back to movies faggot seriously you're not David Arquette.

THE "ROCK" IS JUST AN OLD GRANDPA!! HERE IN CROATIA WE HAVE OUR GUNS ALREADY!!!!! JUST LIKE WE DID TO STJEPAN MESIC!!! WHY DID FRANDO TUDMAN HAD TO DIE???!!! WHY WE DIDN'T KEEP YUGOSLAVIA!!!! FUCK WORLD AND IT'S PREGATORY!!!!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction: Two Peter Chimaera Fanfics!

Okay, Donkey Dudes. It's time to review another infamously bad fanfiction, expect this time there are more than one! All written by Peter Chimei... i mean, Peter Chimaera! This dude gave inspiration to whole "And Then Jon was a zombie"-Meme. But i dislike both memes and zombies, so let's move on. (I'm still not 4channer though, i don't hate the meme if it's used RIGHT! Zombies in other hand are too mainstream and can be never used right.)

First fanfic by him is "My Litte Ponly: Friendship is Danger!"

So we are going to encouter Swedish Pony-men that are trying to teach us Friendship is dangerous?
Oh, i'm not a brony. So i generally dislike everything about MLP, swallow your hate my friend, swallow it.

So let's review this thing:

Friendship is Danger
Chapter One
Rainbow Dahs woked up and went to at the garden
Hello Rainbow Dash "said " a girl pony who wa named Flyhoof.

You know, at least some fanponies had CREATIVE names.

"OK hello Flyhoof I have never met you at before?"
"No I am a new pony and we have to find Applyjack"

That Pony who spammed the "Apply Now" button? Yeah, that was the hardest boss in the game.
How do exactly Ponies "come" to Ponyville? From what i've seen from Deviantart there must be about googolplex ponies with most of them being expies of famous characters. I guess no world in a place could fit that amount of beings into one place?

First Rainbow Dash went to Applejack's house and they ate a apple pie

Brought to you by Hulk Hogan.

 and then they went to the space base where they had to get ready to go into space

Whoa! What happened? Did i missed something?

"Put on your space suit Rainbow Dash"
"OK"

AND THEN JON WAS A ZOMBIE

And then when they landed on the moon aeverything was okay

Expect this

and they had a picnic but they coudlnt eat because they had to keep their space suits on so it was only a pretend picnic

 YOU GUYS HAVE IMAGINATION LIKE SPONGEBOB!

but while they were gone a hundred disasters happend

You see, the moon crashed on Earth. And when Moon crashes it's one huge disaster, and then under chain reaction hundred other disasters also happen. Animals die, houses get burned, wars and infighting come after it and also possible attacks of Eldritch Abomination.

Yes i'm trying to make sense out of this fanfic, got a problem with that?

"We have to go back to" Flyhoof said. Flyhoof was a pegasaur but she had horn like unicorn but it didnt do anything.

Pegasaur? New dinosaur species has been found by 8-year old fanfiction writer, Pegasaur! They can be live in moon with space suits! And they have a horn like unicorns! They eat Apple Pies so they are herbivores! They became excint way faster than others.

So they went bck to Unietd Equestraland

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Volkoff requests, that you all rise and respect the singing of Soviet national anthem!

and found Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle and the other one and then they went to solve the disasters

The Other One is the best pony.

First they found a corcodile

NOW IN 3 SIZES

 and they kicked its head and it went "Oof"

Like, that Corcodile had no teeth at all right?

and then gave back all the children it ate

And those were HIS OWN CHILDREN. Have you watched animal documents?

and they were fine but it wasn't time to say horay

This makes MLP look bad.

and they had to get to the job deal done if they wanted to solve the rest of the disasters and the crocodile felt bad and offered to help them "My name is Crunch"

"NAMED AFTER MY FAVOURITE FOOD"

 "I am Raindbow Dash and these are my friends" and they all went to find the big tree that was burning down

"MOSES!" Tree said. "HERE'S GOD! YOU MUST FREE THE PEOPLE OF EGYPT AND TAKE THEM TO THE PROMISED LAND!"

so they put out the burning tree

"NO, YOU CAN'T DENY THIS OFFER! I MAY BE A GOD BUT I'M ALSO BILLY MAYS!"

"We have to not go in the forest because it is danger"

"And i don't like German names!"

and they went into the forest and Fluttershy got caught in a beartrap and then she died

THE END.

"Fluttershy is dead oh no"

Did The Cheat direct this?

"OK"

No, i'm definetly sure this is the same person who brought us Waligie.

"We will find a key"

What? Where was i?

"Please of hurrying my leg is very much blood" Fluttershy said with cry

NO! THIS WAS WRITTEN BY TARA GILESBIE! SAME BAD GRAMMAR, SAME RANDOM RECOVERS! AND SAME USE OF BLOOD! I HAVE SOLVED A MYSTERY! NOW GIVE ME NOBEL!

So they found a lumberjack pony who came with axe

 And made sure Fluttershy stayed dead...

and cut the bear trap off but he got lost. Alog the way they solved almost all the other disasters aand then found the lumberjack but he was very sick

Can somebody explain to me what did this say? All i saw was just a bunch of words...

"I was bitten by a poisoned snake" he explared

"That's my brother, Snickers!" Crunch shouted.

"That is nt true you are halucinating and you just got a toad posion"

"That's my sister, Twix!" Crunch shouted.

"But I did not eat a toid"

A name given to a jackass from new york who cant say the words like "thirty" and say it whith a stupidass accent like "toidy".  source: Urban Dictionary.

"It does not matter some toads are poisonosu even if you look at them at their eyes"

Poisonosu is my least favourite Touhou.

Authors note im not sure if this true or not but it s part of tht story

I'm not sure should i facepalm or just laugh.

So the lumberjack was solved of the last disaster and everyone was safe.

What happened? Was it a comet? Or maybe a troll?

but Fulltershy could not talk because she was shot and the blood was everywhere. And then Fluttershy coughed and a hundred blood came out then she went nothing and everyone sadded.

This is the greatest sentence ever written.

One day they will all would learn to live their lifes without Futtershy who was dead.

 One day this artist will learn to write.

This was probably the best worst fanfic i've seen for a while!

But wait! There's more!

The next is: The Simpsons Dinner!

Chapter OIne

What a nice way tOI start the fanfic. I am excited hOIw this will cOIntinue...

Marge had to tell the Homer news. "I am glucky that my sisters are coming over do dinner"

Glucky is Lucky with G accidentally slipped on it. Source: COMMON SENSE

"OH DOH" and he dropped his hammer on foot because he was fixing dog house of Sanas little holper

I am too lazy to explain what is Sana and why he needs Holper.
Also i'm suprised they haven't used Oh D'Oh yet on the real show.

when the big news came and he was so shocked of anger that he dorped it right on his so much toes.

This is the lost episode of Simpsons! Right after Dead Bart! In Couch Gag there is 9/11 joke.

Chapter Two they come over

That was the shortest chapter of all time.

Pass the onions "No, Selma" and Homer ate so many opork chops that he went "I dont feel so good" and ran to the bathroom "Hwere did homer go"

I really need to create a comic version of this. My horrible drawing style will make this look even so-bad-it's-good-kind of better.

 "He went to bathroom dont call your father homer"

Like you didn't even tell who said it... It was that spike-haired bastard who speaks Spanish.

And maggie create suck noise

You don't have to write this, Nobody gives a shit about Maggie.

and shurgged her shoulders because it is all about homers eating too much all the time.

Pretty much every episode is the same these days.

Mr. Burns cammed over and rung the doorbelt.
Marge took off her apron "Ill get it. don't be a hurry" 

Wait, Burns doesn't even know Homer. How does he know that where Sector 7G loser lives?

But turns out at the door it was Mr. Burns!

Like we didn't knew that!

"I am doing off hours performance review and I need to speech to Homer Simpsons or he gets fired"

It's not Mr. Burns! It's Smithers after he married him!

"But he is in bathroom?what a predicament"

Chapter Three Homer has to get his job back
"Mr. Burns I missed performance review but wanted to get my old job back"
"No it is too late I have replaced you with ned F;landers"

DOES NED EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE NUCLEAR REACTOR??! He isn't Homer's rival goddamnit!

"doh"
"Googly doo mr. Homer I am workling at that power plant you work at"
"Ho home flanders"

It's Christmas!

"Okalaydokalry
But he thought it was Mr. Burns telling him and went hom so Dr. Burns had to fire him!

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. And this is my wife, Dr. Burns."

Chapter four
"Hahahahayou lost your job" Homer said to Flanders and Falnders house

Falnders House lost it's job? Too bad for him. I guess the Griffin's House was way more superior on whatever-job-he-did.

where they were having barbeque to celebrate Ned Flanders birthday

Barbeque's and Birthdays are a sin!

"It was a pickle"

Ned Flanders's Secret Episode 4.5

"UR NOT MAD" And homer went home and slamped the door on his foot "not again on my foot" and zelma was still there and laughed at him badly and so did others like bumblebeeman

A/N: Bumblebeeman is my favorate Simson!

also but Peater Graffin did not since hes on a different show.

You mean, Peter Griffin from Family Guy or, Beater Graffin from Mythology Wresslin' Super?

That was bad!

Thankfully i'm not going to review more. But this guy is an obvious troll! I like this! This is the best Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner i've ever written. And really pays for My Immortal and Rape Bandicoot!

Fortan Recommends: The Most Unoriginal Game Of All Time

Brotta Underground! Totally not Mario!
http://sandbox.yoyogames.com/games/211610/download

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: Crash Bandicoot Vengeance

Crash Bandicoot is rumoured to come back anyday after that Vicarious Visions picture, so, why not make a Crash-related Triple-F? I got tired of My Immortal, so let's review a bad Crash fanfic!

As you know, Crash games are awesome, but the character isn't in "that way". So any attempt of trying to turn our retarded Bandicoot into a mature story will fail.

That includes the tries of turning Crash into a Duke Nukem-copy. Those things seriously scare me.

So for today, we are going to review Crash Bandicoot: Vengeance!!! You know the one where Cortex rapes Coco and...
what?
WHAT?

Revenge
Deep within Dr. Neo Cortex's lair, the mad scientist paced the floor thinking of a new way to dispose of his arch nemesis, Crash Bandicoot
"That's It! I've had it with Crash Bandicoot always ruining my plans" Cortex yelled,
drawing the attention of the demonic mask Uka Uka.

That's the circle, what would that look like if there would a game where villains wins? (Homestuck doesn't count. That thing doesn't even have a real plot on it)

"Cortex! What's with all the yelling, I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!" Uka yelled, irritated.

Uka Uka  used to be cool villain until those Traveller's Tales guys fucked up his personality and turned him into a bad boss. Although he looks pretty badass in Radical's games, haters gonna hate.

"I'm trying to think of a new way to destroy that wretched Bandicoot, it seems that no matter what, I always fall short." Cortex lamented.
"What's with your voice, you sound like that baby from Family Guy" Uka noticed.

He said Family Guy, Okay i can stop reading now.

Or hell, i've seen much worse.

"We'll discuss that later, but right now I must find a way to destroy that wretched bandicoot." Cortex said
Cortex's assistant Dr. Nitrus Brio entered the Laboratory at that moment with his creation Ripper Roo, who hadn't been seen in years.

Because his second run in Therapy didn't turn out as good as we hoped.

"Cortex, great news, after years of extensive shock therapy I present to you, the psychiatric expert formerly known as Ripper Roo, Dr. Roo, who I invented!" introduced.

At least the writer used Mind Over Mutant Brio, he's a great character but very underrated because Radicalz scuks!!111

"N. Brio, not now I'm trying to figure out a way to defeat that wretched Crash Bandicoot" Cortex yelled.

Cortex really likes to use wretched, eh?

"Cortex, don't you understand? With his new high level of intelligence, Dr. Roo can be very useful in helping us defeat Bandicoot." Brio pointed out.

Yeah, right... Was Brio blind when Cortex Strikes Back happened? Oh wait, he had fetish for Gems now i remember.

"That is correct, Doctor. For years you have tried to defeat Crash with brute force, however have you ever tried defeating Bandicoot psychologically?" Ripper Roo said, his once insane, maniacal voice was now smooth, classy, and British.

Well, it's hard to tell what he sounds like because all the "talk" Roo ever said was just maniac laughter by late Dallas McKennon.

"Why yes, yes. I've got it, I'll destroy Cortex mentally to the point he'll never recover leaving me able to enslave the Earth." Cortex laughed evilly.

He's trying to destroy himself now? I guess Cortex has the brain of Homestar now.

WELL I AM THE EXACT SAME!

"Quite simple, we kill one thing he loves more than ever" Cortex replied.
"But who will that be?" asked Uka Uka.
Cortex stopped to think for a moment.

"Hmm, that is a challenge. Crunch is partly cybernetic meaning he's practically invincible. 

But you created him!

His fiancé Tawna dated mafia don Pinstripe Potoroo until he was killed in a drive by and hasn't been seen or heard since.

Pinsy is dead! Why can't you kill Tawna, she was hot!

Aku Aku is Uka Uka's twin brother so he's immortal leaving… of course! Crash's younger sister CoCo.

You know this will turn out to be a cheap porn when certain characters name is misspelled.

By God, I'm a genius.

BAW GAWD.

Get ready Crash Bandicoot because I will have my vengeance!" Cortex yelled before laughing evilly.

That would make a good game name...
sadly this is not a game...

It was a normal day on Wumpa beach. Team Bandicoot were relaxing after stopping N. Tropy from changing time to make himself ruler of the universe.

Didn't he tried to do that like... twice?

Crash was sleeping, CoCo was inventing, and Crunch was weight lifting.

Coco was inventing what? Also it's "lifting weight!"

Suddenly they heard something marching towards the hut. Crash, CoCo, Crunch, and Aku Aku went to investigate. Outside were hundreds of Cortex's lab assistant androids.

"Man, and we had to clean!" Crunch whimpered.

"Objective, destroy all Bandicoots" The androids said.

Translated to English: NYEAAAAARGH!

"Ugh, another of Cortex's army. Let's get this over with so I can get back to sleep" Crash said.

Translated to Engli... oh wait, Crash can't speak a proper language. Unless it's Pancakes.

"Crash, has your voice got deeper" CoCo asked.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, WRITER!

"Yeah, I think it was all that smoke I inhaled when I fought inside that volcano." Crash said.

I imagined that sentence with Troy McLure's voice.

"Crash! HELP!"
It was CoCo.
"Crash, CoCo's been kidnapped by Cortex's androids" Crunch informed him.

"Are you bad enough bandicoot to rescue CoCo?"

"Ugh, what the fuck?! Can't Cortex use something else as bait for once, a big, juicy Wumpa fruit pie maybe." Crash complained.

Not only that he speaks, but Crash also curses! Is this the same universe where Crash Bandicoot Retold happened???

"You go save CoCo, me and Crunch'll take care of Cortex's robots." Aku assured Crash.

Ugh, it's "i". Aaargh! Just what i needed! A Porn fanfic written by a foreigner!

After 10 minutes of running, Crash caught up to Cortex, standing atop a mountain top.
"Well, if it isn't Crash Bandicoot" Cortex said, reciting his trademark catchphrase.

Ironically i never heard him say that.

"Cortex, I don't have time for this. Return CoCo, unveil your death trap, let me kick you ass and go home."

Oh, now i get it! He's just bored! Because he hasn't starred in any game since 2009!

"Sorry, Bandicoot but things are going down a little bit differently" Cortex said.
"No, I'm pretty sure I'll beat you and walk out of here alive and well." Crash argued.

Oh god, if Crash is bored, Mario is dying already!

"You might, but can the same be said for your sister" Cortex retorted as he revealed a bound and gagged CoCo. He grabbed her by her throat and held a knife to her neck. 

Knife? That's new!

Crash leaped, but two of Cortex's androids held him back. Crash was shocked that Cortex had sunk so low.
"Cortex, don't, she's only 15! Please, I'll do anything!" Crash begged.

Now you even decide ages of the characters? Ugh!

Also, around the time of MOM, i can guess from her looks she was 22.

"Still a virgin, that's surprising,

Oh god! I can SOOOOO imagine Lex Lang saying that!

I thought a pretty little bandicoot such as your sister would have plenty of partners!" exclaimed Cortex as CoCo struggled, managing to undo her gag.

You don't know how many fan characters there exist???

Seriously, i'm a huge Crash fan but i dislike fan characters unless they're enough Bandicoot-ish. I remember i once created Fake Coco and some other stuff. You know, typical crap...

Crash gritted his teeth in rage hearing Cortex talk about his sister like that. Then Cortex did what Crash never thought Cortex would do. He pulled down CoCo's pants and broke CoCo's barrier, CoCo yelped in pain, yet Cortex paid no attention.

At this point... my childhood died, again.

"Stop! Please, I beg you." Cried CoCo, in tears, she couldn't believe that this was happening.
"Stop! Stop! Sto-op!" CoCo continued to cry.
"You are tight, this pleases me!" cried Cortex.

Oh god, i can imagine that in Lex Lang's voice too!

Coco suddenly went limp, she didn't know why. She wanted to fight back with all her might, but she could bring herself to do it. She just laid there and let Cortex take her innocence, her pride, and her will to live. Meanwhile, Cortex continued to insert himself, in and out of CoCo. Cortex didn't care if CoCo didn't move. He just continued to rape CoCo

And now we have to interrupt this review for notification by independent music maker GigaSurfer, if you please.

Dear Citizens,

Rape Jokes aren't funny.

AND DOWNLOAD MY SONGS DAMMIT!

And that was GigaSurfer's notification, back to the review.

Suddenly, CoCo felt Cortex climaxing inside, yet continued to just lie there. Her spirit was broken , and she no longer cared.

What a cruel way to describe the truth!
That my childhood is dead!

"Unnghn!" grunted Cortex as he finished delivering his seed into the young female bandicoot.

Not only that Cortex raped Coco, he just made himself a zoophile and a furfag. Baaad, baaad Cortex.

Crash just watched, tears streaming down his face. Finally, using all his strength he broke the robots' grip and destroyed them using his spin attack. As he ran towards the cliff Cortex stabbed CoCo and threw her off the side of the cliff. Crash ran and dove, managing to catch her just in time.  
The knife was still in her chest. She was coughing up blood and in critical condition.
"C-Crash" Coco said, slowing dying.
"CoCo, it's all gonna be okay" Crash said as he carefully as he scooped CoCo in his arms and ran as fast as he could.
The young female bandicoot closed her eyes as she breathed her last breath and died.

That... was... depressing...

Oh my god... why did i do this? My childhood wasn't raped by porn, it was raped by... rape

This, is worse than Crash Bandicoot Retold! Whoever wrote this is mentally crazy! I just...AAAGH!
Why didn't i stayed in My Immortal? This fanfic is officially worse than My Immortal in my opinion! Coco lost the meaning of life... when she was raped by one of my favourite villains. AAAAGH! There's also six other chapters. But i'm too horrified to read 'em.

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: My Immortal Part 2

Ugh, here we go! More bad fanficness! Appareantly This fanfic is so bad and it's new week anyway, so i decide to not insults personally anyone anymore, expect the writer of this of course.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache 

So people swear when they have a headache??? What about you??? You seem to have a headache all the time. Also now i know why Dumbledore's actor died.

ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

They also do drugs, are obviously satanists and Enoby is having very strong despression going on.

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

MOVE BITCH, GET OUT DA WAY! Don't tell me they ran over a grandma too!

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

Vampires don't cry holy shit. This is even worse than Twilight.

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

Well, they are always angry! I'm suprised that Snake didn't kill Dumbledore. (NOTE: I know you will say BUT SNAKE KILLED DUMBLEDORE, but remember that those last three books never existed in my world!)


"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

Shouldn't Snake say that?


"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

Shouldn't McGonagall say that?


And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Shouldn't Leonardo DiCaprio say that?

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Nobody says like that! Oh come on, you should be fired!


Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.
"Yeah I guess." I lied. 

You LIED??? How could you!

I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

There was a robot at the door.

DO WE HAVE POPSTICLES TONIGHT!???

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte.

JUST A CITY BOYYYYYY...oops wrong song.


I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.
We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. 

No dirty sex scene? What kind of shit is this? I'm confused!

Well, moving on to Chapter... six?

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

Why in the hell he can't write as properly as he does in the fanfic itself? I know it's not good either, but at least it's better than this!


The next day I woke up in my coffin. 

Really?

I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

Nobody honestly gives a shit what you wear!

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

REALLY?

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

Hahahaha you deserve it!


"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. 

So he met Sweeney Todd?


He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.

Oh no... don't tell me that's...


He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. 

Like thi... oh you said Joel Madden and not Joel Deaton.

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko

What do you mean Girls can't get erection? I've seen many fanfics where girl gets erection, and those are realistic compared to THIS!

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

Ugh, not again these shy faggots again!


"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.
"My name's Harry Potter LORD HARRY although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

Yo...you....did just...um....rrrrrr...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! YOU FUCKED UP HARRY POTTER! YOU BASTARD! ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE!


"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

Ugh, i can guess Enoby turns into slut and dates both Harry and Draco and it turns out to be a Donald Duck-Gladstone Gadner-like fight expect with more porn and preps.

*sigh* Moving on...

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.

"Thy want to see how does this unholy mess ends, so i post five positive commandments for lulz"

 n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! 

AKA League Of Legends Kids in a nutshell. My brother is one of them. Cry for my family.

Evony 

She's Evony now.

isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!

Nobody's perfect! Not even Satanists! At least we learn that!

 n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Well we do see that.


Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

Yes, the whole story seems like a huge Mary Sue for me.

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

I thought you loved Draco! Damn it!


Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

SEX!


We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. 

I guessed right.

(c is dat stupid?) 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING IN THIS STORY IS FUCKING STUPID!!! HARRY IS SUDDENLY EDWARD CULLEN, HUMAN THINGS EXIST IN WIZARD WORD! EVONY CHANGES HER NAME ALL THE TIME AND EVERYONE HAVE SEX RANDOMLY!

This fails at even being lemonfic, Jesus!

I fail at many things, but i never fail so much i could do fanfic worse than THIS PIECE OF SHIT!

Suddenly, i started to appreciate Avery Petrie's work, a lot!

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

DRACO! YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!

I was so angry.
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

Wha-?


I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. 

Hilarity Ensues.

He had a really big you-know-what

He's got bigger, and he's plenty times cuter anyway. (Image by

*darkly1)

but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

Shhh... his mother is dead.


AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

You can't judge people's style. If they flass your fanfic let them flass.

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

"I'm just a fan of it!"


My friend B'loody Mary Smith

Ugh, these names get stupider and stupider.


smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

Ewwww, gross.

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

Aaagh, don't tell me B'Loody Mary Smith is Hermione. Well, i hated that stupid wiseass bitch anyway... Her actor isn't even that hot!


Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

Where did that Voldemort came from? It's Vlodemrot in this fanfic!

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. 

OH NO! WHAT AN EVIL SURNAME!

(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

So everyone who are satanists are in Slytherin? That's racist!

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

Shouldn't McGonagall say that?

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? THEY BECAME GAY!???

Everyone gasped.

Everyone are Anti-fags from now on.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)

Excuse me, Who is talking right now??

 for a while but then he broke my heart.


Because he was Lord Harry.

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

But... they're gay! What the heck?

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility 

You used to be a man?

to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. 

Ugh, i can't believe i've survived from this story, but the worst is coming...

Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! 

???

and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

It's not Harry or Vampire, it's LORD HARRY! Biggest shame on this earth since this story.

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Ugh.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.

Who it was? The Guy, Mascot of Disturbed?

It was… Voldemort!

Well, of cour... what? Voldemort has a broom? HAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD THIS GIRL FAILS AGAIN!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. 

Oh my... oh... it's too hard to imagine that, this is just too funny.

I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

Ugh.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

NO SHIT THEY SAID IT

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun.

WHAT?!

"No! Please!" I begged.

"BUT THOU MUST!"

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way

 "I SAW YOU TWO HAVING SEX IN THE WOODS"




Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis."

Oh god...

he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

This is just... painful

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Let's have sex!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

What? A lot of random shit happens and nobody does anything? This is ridiculous!

Well, see you next time with this horrible abomination!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner?

Fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking FUCKING

This hasn't been my week...

First, Avery can't take me seriously and now has started the dumb school. Then, Bolt, the only person who didn't hate me, starts hating me and goes away, then i piss off broku5000 and sauec because i tell them I'M FUCKING TIRED OF STUPID MAINSTREAM MY LITTLE PONY!! Then Awesomex18 starts a holocaust towards me and shit happens.

Ugh, that's why this fanfiction i'm gonna review has been dedicated for everyone of you. You all will realize that this sounds exactly like shit that blabbers from your mouth. This fanfic has the IQ of yours. This fanfic is far more enjoyable than you!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, and the ones that are both.

For this week, i'm going to review...

MY IMMORTAL!

Ahhh yes, the most infamous fanfic of all time, that is so bad it's good. But this time, i'm not only making fun of this fic, i'm making fun of YOU at the same time. And i'm going STRAIGHT to the personal stuff, nothing is held secret!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

Most ridiculous name since Avery Kane Goatface Julian Petrie The Turd The Bi Version.

and I have long ebony black hair

Doesn't ebony mean black-skinned and black-haired? Yes, AX, i've seen women unlike you.

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee

Then she's an emo! I'm going to name her "Ebony Niall Jasper Passmore Dark'ness Dementia (what) Raven Way!"

(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

And angry fangirl strikes... He's just like Jasper. Expect Andrew Hussie in place of Amy Lee.

I remember how he first mentioned HomeStuck...

Jasper: Hey do you know Hussie??
Me: Uh, nope.
Jasper: FUCK YOU!

Or at least that went somehow like that...

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

Goddarn, Ebony Niall! This is a fanfic you aren't supposed to fap to stupid celebrities!

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

Vampires in Harry Potter story?? What kind of sorcery is this?

Also, in my opinion. Harry Potter ended after fourth book. Fifth movie was boring and after it things went too dark and Twilight-ish. Harry Potter killed Voldemort in fourth movie and was a good boy for rest of the movie. I call rest of the Potter Movies "Lord Harry".

But back to the fanfic.

I have pale white skin.

But you were... oh wait you were Ebony Niall Jasper Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Carry on!

I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

Hogwarts had a seventh class? Oh wait, this is a stupid drama queen who believes that those last three ones were Harry Potter books! 

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)

What? I thought you were emo!

and I wear mostly black.

No you're not.

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

Ugh.

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.

AKA How Blade Braxton dresses up everyday. Don't tell me it's in your middle name too?

I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

What in the hell are preps???

Quote from Urban Dictionary:

A prep is a person that is totally brainwashed by the media. They wear what brands the media tells them to such as A&F, AE, Aero, hollister, express, etc. They basically only listen to mainstream music. They make fun of people who aren't afraid to be themselves otherwise know as individuals. Preps are shallow. They are monkeys --> monkey see, monkey do. The media says something's cool, prep sees, prep thinks it's cool.
As someone else on here said, "preps are the downfall of society". and they are.

Aaaaahhh, you mean Mainstream-Mandys? Jasper's friend is Dave, who hates everything that is liked more than two people so now her full name is Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness *pooh* Dementia Raven Way. 

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

Draco Armando Gigasurfer Malfoy, Jasper's original fuckbuddy. Became hetero after he wanted to become a normal person and fell in love with a fat, ugly and stupid bitch, who is probably male.

"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.

You weren't supposed to be shy, at least in first four movies! But this is Draco Armando, he's different, fusing an annoying little brat and laughable dupstep making rantist, who hugs fat girls.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

No, but it's not that infamous yet.

Welp, moving to Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

Here we see writer raging at Mainstream-Mandy's just like Dave does.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. 

Noooooo-one careeeeees....

I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. 

Looking normal there, Ebony Niall...

I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

Just look at those, what a worthless bitches! Genderless Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave etc. Raven Way pisses me off. No suprise, he has genes of Emo Vampire Witch Bitch, Gay Emogoth pedophile, Croatian Navy Hipster Nazi and Blade Braxton.

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

So since when Draco Malfoy became grown-up arrogant dude and not an annoying blonde shit? Oh wait, that happened in Lord Harry.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

Okay, out of this now. Who finds Armando, the real one, a good person? He is acting like a whining 9-year old pessimist most of the time who rants about rape jokes and gay rights even though nobody gives a shit, and if he isn't, he is high. And that means he's doing crazy stuff like using tumblr. He has vagina in the place of his balls!

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

Awwww awkward!

"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily.
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

And Andrew Hussie's music.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped.



Wasn't this meant to be y'know, REALLY HORRIBLE FANFIC?
I guess it's because this has nothing to do with Harry Potter, expect wizards.

Next: Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

What? English please?

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. 

OooOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. 

...
oh...
my...
god...

Let's See, Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Someone stop this monstrosity!

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. 

OoooOOOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!

Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

This is just horrible, more horrible than other fanfics i've reviewed AND SEX SCENES HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!!!

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. 

Really? A Flying Car? Did you just watched trailers for all the movies and then used them as elements for this unglossary shit! Also Armando doesn't drive a flying car because they pollute too much and increase rape in this world blah blah blah blah blah blah...

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

Ugh, stop speeling cool as "kewl"!

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

Like Gabe always does!

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. 

So everyone are suddenly satanists? Oh come on, it's obvious, he drives Mercedes-Benz!

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. 

DON'T TELL ME HE'S GERALD TOO!!

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. 

Auuugh, this is stupider than AdventureBound and more sinful than HomeStuck.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

I know what they're singing about! They sing about how Avery Petrie one night came from Teddy Hart Concert into Police station because he molested Larissa, killed her and put her into a bag of ol' Fishsticks. Then Doctor cut his card, and he was handed to Men On a Mission, and then he was executed.

Am i right???

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"People aren't hot or ugly, if we would marry clever but not 'good-looking' people, we would get better people in this world, and not ones like that Hollywood Jabroni George Bush." That's what Armando would say.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

That didn't make sense... It should go like "Hey it's ok. I don't like as much as i like you." Was that so hard?

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch."

He's now Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Lucy Rose Gerald King Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. How many people are going to this gangbang anyway??

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

AUUUGHH, THEY'RE GONNA BE EATEN BY VLODEMROT!

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
 
You just made annoying kid become a shy beer-drinking rantist! Oh my god!

Also, Ebony is now Enoby. Enoby Niall Jasper Blade Dave yougetit.

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

"I'm going to feed you to, VLODEMROT!

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) 

SOOO HE DIDN'T USE HIS TEENY-WEENY MAGIC THIS TIME??? THIS ONE WAS REAL??? HE ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOMETHING!! HE DIDN'T BORROW ANYTHING FROM... It starts with N and ends into Y, And there's also I, C, and K in the middle of it, but i won't tell more!

Ugh. Back to the story.

which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

Here it comes...
Also, "HE PUT HIS THINGIE INTO MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT" cracked me up. Oh lord. This is the stupidest shit ever.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
It was….Dumbledore!

AKA Albus Kevin Hitler Dumbledore. Nice to see you here too.

So, i will review more in every day of the week, few chapters more. Until i finally reach the peak of this craziness and Ebo... i mean Enoby Niall will have the longest name in the history of mankind.

Fortan Recommends: Kaye Fabian

Remember when i reviewed Craphole? Well, i obviously forgot to mention a person who is also against that site. Kaye Fabian, who does blogposts that i used to do. "Reviewing" people that are assholes to him.

I understand good ol' Kaye, i agree with most of his blogposts. Heck, he does better job at insulting people than me!

Go read his blog! He's better rantist than i am! I think we should share our hates together. And such.

http://behindthecurtainz.blogspot.fi/

FortCrap: My Old Xtranormal Videos!

Okay, i'm presenting you another new corner of our blog that you probably never see again because Triple-F of Doom takes all the time and nobody would even care about it anyway.

Anyways, this is FortCrap, where i review all the shit I have done in the past, yeah, my internet life was pretty shitty. And it still kinda is, i haven't tried to learn anything and i keep running a unfunny blog that is only viewed by swedish admin site robots.

But back to the past, i deleted my old deviantart account so i might never see my old stuff ever again, however, i found my old xtranormal account full of Anti-Japan messages, which is kind of ironic because, i'm not a weeaboo, but i seem to like anime stuff a lot. I don't that much care about Japan or roam in Anime sites, but Evangelion is the greatest piece of moving pictures i've ever seen and also hentai fucking rocks. But this was that time, that time i call "Lord Harry", that time when every person who liked Japanese stuff even a small piece was automatically a kawaii-desu weeaboo who had to be executed.

Let's see how it went, with the first video known as

HOW TO PEOPLE BECOME ANTI-WEEABOO

In correct speech: "How people become Anti-Weeaboos" or "How to make himself look like a(n) complete asshat", lets view this shit:

First scene has an unnamed boy with a voice that sounds like... i can't figure out what he sounds like, but that sounds like a british accent. Well, the boy tells he has now a lot of time and...
"Heh who are you???". And out of nowhere comes the "Anti-Weeaboo Spy" , he looks like detective, because according to Valvefags Spies are mask-wearing arrogant suit-dudes who sap people's poor sentries.

Back to the video, boy is interested what exactly is Anti-Weeaboo, and doesn't give a shit that he is seeing an actual SPY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STREET. Seriously, aren't spies supposed to be top secret men? No wonder Not-Sonich Kuchedoff declared this to be fail.

Well, Spy tells Anti-Weeaboos are a force that want to stop weeaboos. (no shit???) Weeaboos are people who like or love Japan, (There isn't real difference there??) and, Anti-Weeaboos hate Japan, and then Spy-Detective-Person makes a patriotic pose.

Why Anti-Weeaboos hate Japan anyway? Are they actually a bunch of dudes whose grandparents death in Pearl Harbour shocked them, or did they only watched that Michael Bay movie? Or are they butthurt 4channers who want Anime Boards off the site? I just hated it for no reason, i can't really figure it out myself either, probably it was just the lack of Evangelion.

But back to the video, how does the boy react to the dude's "speech"???

"Wow."

GO TO YOUR ROOM, STUPID KID!

And then Spy-Dude is like "Yes, you know what?? Join Us!"

Really? Just because he said "Wow" he's apparently interested in hating Japan??? Go figure, dude! That kid must be some bum from street who never talked with anyone or never had an internet. Strange enough, Spy didn't mention Anime, so i don't really remember did i hated Japan that much.... KYM will prove it eventually.

Then Spy says that joining Anti-Weeaboos is easy and Falkyjar (Translation: Pinfeather) would take boys like him AKA Street bums. And the boy just nods. And then Spy says "Perfect, let's GHOAEUAOH!" No, He really did, just watch it! It was just plenty times fasturd.

That was silly, and now into a complete change... in style. Now people are replaced with robots from DreamWorks movie!

THE ROBOT WANT TO BE AN ANTI-WEEABOO

In Correct Speech: The Robot who wants to be an Anti-Weeaboo, or "The Robot who didn't got into Super Robot Wars game and got very angry about it".

"Jade, I'm bored to this stuff" A Television Android built from Coca-Cola cans blurted in a space bar where no man has gone before.
"What now, Dr. Weez?" A Stupid rubbish pin made out of Kitchen machines asked.
"I'm working to a man called MatrixMarioX Eustace Pietime" Weez responded. "He always wants me to fix his PeeCee."
"Now i'm bored." Living Junkyard declared. "I want some more stuff (to do) than him fixing dead PC's all the time."
"And what should i be?" Lady in Brown asked as she scratched her head.
"A Man.", Weez cursed "Something more than Weeaboo stuff... I want anti-stuff!"
"You mean..." Jade started. "Antiweabos?" she muttered quickly.
"Oh, hell sure yes i mean!" Coca-Cola thing said. "Whatevah..."

Dr. Weez was shortly killed after his journey through dataspace, nobody knows what killed him but it looked like... onions.
Not many people cried.

ON THE HIGH CONVERSATION'S ROOM

In Correct Speech: At The Room Of The Highest Authority, also known as "Cunning Plans"

Now, the video starts with the guy with Spy's voice (They must be same person!) telling that he has bad news for the President of Anti-Weeaboos. While not being visible, he asks "Mr. Hurry", what is it. And appareantly, SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN REQUIRED INTO WEEABOO ARMY!!! *gasp*
Some People! Who knows how MUCH is that??? The Highest Authority states that this has happened previously too, but it's still bad, because SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN REQUIRED INTO WEEABOO ARMY GUYS!!! THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM, I DON'T EVEN MENTION THEIR NAMES!!!
Those people have apparently "thinked" that Japanese people have a lot of awesome stuff.

Like this.

Falkyjar can't do anything about this! Of course he can't because he knows that people have opinions! Goddamn it!
So, the Highest Authority states that they might start a war against Anti-Weeaboos! And it means the end of Anti-Weeaboos!
Wait? They can't fight back? So they're actually a group of weak men who waste all their money on spies who force street bums into their army?? I get it! Anti-Weeaboos are the CHINAMEN.
Then he tells Mr. Hurry to "get the grenades." More like...
"GET THE GRANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS PUTA!"
Highest Authority tells Mr. Hurry has he ever heard of suicidebomber Konata... Azumi. Mr. Hurry wonders why should they throw suicidebomber with grenades, he even tells that it sounds stupid, but then decides to accept.
Have you realized, Mr. Hurry, that WHOLE ANTI-WEEABOO SHIT SOUNDS AND IS STUPID IN GENERAL???
Then we see finally Highest Authority's face, and it turns out he's John McCain and even does a nazi pose.
WHAT?

This is... very... confusing....

message to all

In Correct Speech: ... Message to Everyone Also Known As What Is This?
I don't know either, dude.

"Hello, here is OriginalFalkyjar, I know you're calling me mad and faggot, because i hate Japan."

Ironically, nowadays they would call me mad and faggot if i would say i love Japan, just saying.

"But i say you one thing, you people are faggots and idiots because of my calling. After this, i'm going to hate Japan more than ever before. Thanks to you, idiots, HAWEHAWHEEYAH!"

That ending wasn't really necessary.

That was childish and silly, and doesn't fit my personality, well, it does fit FORTAN's personality but not mine. Me and "Fortan" you know are different people.
Besides, this "style" gives me creeps. I don't find it pretty enjoyable to stare at that Black and White Man's soulless stare.

GOOD NIGHT OKLAHOMA

Uhhh... next video please.

Weeaboo Robot Francis

In Correct Speech: Japan-Crazy Robot Called Francis, and it wasn't Francis from L4D, valvefags.

"Oh my god." Jade started. "What now, Francis?" She asked and crossed her arms.
"Oh, What a night!" An Ancient Camera-Radar thing moaned. "Jade, They clicked me about million times... That was fun!"
"Okay." Jade replied and sighed.
"The Weeaboo Party was fun." Francis reiterated. "All this gayness there and..."
"Yes," Coffee Machine Lady interrupted. "I know you're gay, like all weeaboos."
Camera-Computer dude turned on Jade and blurted: "Oh man, don't start it... Jade, this is hybrid you know."
"You are!" Jade shouted. "What??" Gay Version of Lost In Space Robot asked.
"Gay." Jade said and stared.

Then Francis killed Jade by knocking her head down and burning the bar down. Francis got 5 years in Inter-galactic prison.

Neeeeext...

On The Spy's Room:

In Correct Speech: Highest Authority visits room of the Anti-Weeaboo detective.

We see Anti-Weeaboo Spy sitting on his chair and telling how this work as Spy is taking him off.
Suddenly we hear Highest Authority who came out of nowhere and also said Spy's real name, and it turns out he's just a guy named Hudson.

Hey everyone! We've got Hudson here!

So, Highest Authority wants to talk with Mr. Hudson. Well, Spy Hudson thinks it's neeze to see Mr. President again. What Wiktionary states to me, i'm sure everytime Spy sees Mr. President he starts to sneeze, so no wonder that guy is forced to collect bums from a street!
Well, Hudson also recommends President to call him just Spy because "Weeaboos are On The Door" Hmm, that would make a good songname. Note to Self!

So, The Highest Authority has to talk about "The Weeaboo Lovers." Spy goes sad and wonders why those people want to make theirselves look stupid. Because of this President changes quickly the topic and wants Spy to help him to attack the Weeaboo Base. President has also heard that "Dutchman Joe" lives in there.

Dutchman Joe? Who is he? Long lost son of The Dutchman? We'll see.

Anti-Weeaboo Spy accepts, suddenly we hear, or they hear, something and Spy's mouth turns into black goo. Highest Authority tells him it's the Suicidebomber, and he needs to "Get On." And by that we mean, GET ON! GET ON BABY! GET ON! If you don't know the reference, Finnish teens from 70's will beat the shit out of you.

Anyways, the next video, where we finally see stuff from Weeaboo's point of view.

Jweck 9son In Joe Humbles' Midnight Radio(tm)

There is no name for that so i made something up.

So, Joe starts by telling that they have a special guest tonight, who is Jweck 9son.
Hm, Joe doesn't even tell who he is. Is this a sign that Weeaboos are actually overlords in this universe? That explains robots and big heads...
Joe asks Mr. 9son how does it feel to be the boss of every weeaboo on the ear...wait.

So you're telling me that that nigga is the leader of the Japanfags? I expected someone cool, and evil, but nope.
If i remember right, Jack was supposed to be white, but xtranormal had very limited amount of characters. So i chosed the one with black hat.

Well, Jweck tells that leading every weeaboo on earth is "not bad" and "it's just fun." Now i know how Kim-Jong Un feels!
Well, Jweck tells that he has ability to mind-control people, but really can't. Jweck tells that it's really his scientist, Dr. Archy, who is the only person who has a surname that doesn't sound stupid.
Then Joe asks why did he...i mean Dr. Archy brainwashed Konata... Azumi, who is a famous tv star.
Well, Jweck says that this world needs suicidebombers, how ironic, so Dr. Archy brainwashed Konata A. and thus made... him(?) insane.
Joe is being ignorant once again and asks Jweck just one question, Does he love anyone.
And Jweck tells he's a pervert.
Hmmm, i don't really love anyone in Anime Universe, because i'm a pervert for every single anime girl, so i guess i somehow predicted future.
Well, Joe thanks Jweck and then tells that Giant Bus is driving in Orguila. Whatever is that, and Jweck realizes he "needs to be hurry." I can't remember what was the point of that.

This one was pretty decent, it was too short, but pretty much all these videos are too short.
I hope the next video is decent as this...

UNNAMED

In Correct Speech: I Have no idea what is the name of this video.

So, we see a priest-like person who tells to Mr. 9son that Anti-Weeaboos and trolls are attacking here. Then Jweck says probably the most fanciest line of all these videos.

"Trolls, What they are?"

By using the bad grammar, Jweck sounds like he isn't giving a fuck, and doesn't know that a shitload of Weeaboo Haters are coming to kill him. That must become my tagline!

Well, Priest-Dude mentions three people that-i-totally-don't-know-anything-about. Heh, i don't really want to know what those guys do these days, especially the first one!

You know, something, like, this.

 After finding out that trolls are Weeaboo and Anti-Weeaboo "hatters", Jweck says another quotable line:

"What god has created to this world???"

I mean, you're not a villain at all if you're not Christian, this guy is awesome! Why didn't i use him more?

Well, Jweck wants that Weeaboo's must be saved before basement gets ruined, and is planning to go to battlefield with president.
Priest-Dude (Who is Dr. Archy i just remembered) asks Jweck is he crazy and says that the Antis will kill him if he does that. He also tells that Nico Nico Douga's code ornaments(?) are in the basement.

Jweck says that he doesn't care, and he will go there, no matter what.

"Time is Up, We Must do peace with them both."

I Don't really think that Jweck is a villain, Anti-Weeaboos just think they are because they're stupid.

Then to the last Anti-Weeaboo War video, starring two leaders of the both armies.

FINAL JUDGEMENT

Okay, i don't remember much about this video, so let's see what they say.

"President of Weeaboo Haters, Nice to see you again."

I think Jweck thinks it's pretty satire to call Weeaboo's Antis. But Anti-Weeaboos call theirselves Antis too, so what?
President says the same words.

"This is our last fight, Probably. The Trolls are a new challenge for us."

Highest Extremetly Flat Authority tells that trolls are complaining about the Anti's and their... gayness? I Don't know was that guinness or gayness.

"Hey, how about we fuse our powers and destroy trolls together."

SING DIGIMON THEME SONG! NOW!

Well, President commands that they must stop fighting and destroy the trolls, once and for all.

Nobody knows did they win. But it's better than leaving it into a cliffhanger.

After this i tried to start new series, that didn't work, and it was also my last vid, because my youtube account was hacked and Xtranormal started to cost.

This Scrappy Doo is known as...

A Plan To Destroy Vocaloid

In Correct Speech: Haters try to delete Vocaloid from Someone's computer.

We see a hippie with a voice never heard before, he wonders where that sound comes from, and it turns out to be an old mans throne room(?).

Hippie says that he can't be serious, i agree. Then Hippie asks what he wanted from him.

Suddenly, the old man starts ranting about Vocaloid, or "Vookaloid" and he tells how that place is a hell on earth and tells that the place has rapes, drugs, alcohol, racism and even Nazi's.

I think somebody just fused Vocaloid with "Tumblr." Or then he was actually talking about Vookaloid and not Vocaloid.

But hippie tells that he thinks that Miku is loveful... but the old man interrupts hippie with a buzzer sound and "double-w-Rong". And tells that everyone in Vookaloid, this time spelled as "Vocaloid", sucks.

He even tells the hippie to grow up, and tells that he is going to destroy this evil "Infestation"

And the hippie... ugh... just replies "Oh! Okay!"

GO TO YOUR ROOM, STUPID HIPPIE!

Then the old man brokes the fourth wall by telling that "Those guys" will get something that they never forget, and mentions again some usernames...

Hippie lampshades this by asking who is he talking to, and man just replies "To Jaybus???" Followed with a late laughing track.

And then it ends.

Man those were stupid! But My mercy for Jweck has grown back again. I'm soooo going to bring him back as full time OC and nobody could stop me!

Expecially when the dude who used to stop me is doing something, like, this. And i'm out.

Dave McDonalds Rants: New Pokemon Game????

(Note: The Person known as Dave McDonalds doesn't exist, he is a fictional character that is supposed to be a stereotype of Croatians. If you're croatian and you do not act like this, you're not Croatian or then you're Stjepan Mesic or whatever his name was, anyways enjoy this "post")


i saw this shit today and it fucking sucked. seriously, a "new" pokemon game???????? same fucking thing all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first this is the same fucking thing as previously, it's just in threedee!!!! MAN LETS TURN IT INTO 3D AND ITS NEW LOL!!!!! no. after gaming turned into threedee it fucking sucked since first 3d game president evil. after that gaming became just a bunch of shitty fps's that repeat each other all the time. nothing new, same shit.
then lets move to new pokaymans

lol a monkey pokemon DIDN'T WE JUST SAW ONE IN FOURTH GEN?????!!!!!!!!!!! it looks like a gay atrosnaut.

totally not vlupix!

oh no not another super original toad pokemon

this game is same fucking shit, this generation is same fucking shit. NINTENDO IS FUCKING SHIT!! STOP REPEATING SAME SHIT BILLION TIMES!! HERE IN CROATIA WE HAVE OUR GUNS ALREADY!!!!! JUST LIKE WE DID TO STJEPAN MESIC!!! WHY DID FRANDO TUDMAN HAD TO DIE???!!! WHY WE DIDN'T KEEP YUGOSLAVIA!!!!

FUCK WORLD AND IT'S PREGATORY!!!!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: a sunken friendship

Okay, this is not a sex fanfic, this is a Crossover/bad grammar fanfic.

Starring the most overrated Cartoon of all time, Spongebob Squarepants, and Penguins of Madagascar.

Oh yes, Penguins of Madagascar, popular show for 7-year olds, and i can see why.
I once watched the show with my 6-7 year old cousin, and i've got to admit it's not bad. I'd rather watch that than MLP. And yes, they both air in Finland, suprisingly, because those overrated fuckfests like Invader Jim and Adventure Time never did. Anyways, let's see this fanfic written by asdf14, i hope you don't rage.

And suprisingly, this story goes to "Friendship/Suspense" category, and you know the rule, "When kid tries to turn show darker and edgier, it always fails". Anyways, let's review this crap.

Characters:
Skipper
Private
Rookie( has a crush on private)
Cadet(has a crush on skipper)
Jenna(kowalski's sister)
Kat(also has a crush on Rico)
Julietta (sadly has no crush)
Rico
Kowalski
Isau
Abbi (has a crush on Rico)
Killah(married to caleb)
Amelia(also sadly has no crush)
Caleb (married to Killah)
Mort
Maurice
King Julien
Rosie (mort's GF )
Brooke(KJ's gf)
Yasmine (Maurice's gf)
Marlene

I don't really know which one is who, but next we have SpengBab characters, i know most of them thanks to my limited watching of the show.

Sponge-bob
Sandy
Patrick
Squid-ward
Mr. Krabs
Sponge-bob's mom
Sponge-bob's dad
Larry
Katamy (Sponge-bob's sister)

Spongebob had a sister??? Ugh. Also, isn't Larry a cucumber from that christian show VeggieTales?

Kowalski: ok we are here at the Atlantic Ocean this should be perfect latitude 13 longitudes 46.
Skipper: ok boys you ready to catch the BIG one
Private: the th t big one
Skipper: Yes the BIG one

Curses! It was sex fanfic all along! Call the cops!

Rico: *holding a lit stick of dynamite* Kaboom kaboom!

Russian Problem Solve in a nutshell.

Skipper: *licks his flipper and puts out the fuse* not now rico
Rookie: not right now Rico maybe later

Maybe tomorrow!

Rico: awwwww maaan
Julian: what ze heck is the big one?
Skipper: gather around my friends, daughter, and Julian

Now you told me that The Big One is... a huge orgy??? Good grief, i've reviewed too many sex fanfics.

Kowalski: oh god not this story again you change it every time you tell it
Skipper: I do not I just add more details
Kowalski: well you've mentioned 50 different locations, 10 different scientists and one time an all-beef wiener

That sounds pervy.


Skipper: well duh it is important to the story
Private: not really skippah and by the way whatever did happen to the big one
Skipper: I will tell you if you let me finish the story
Private: but you haven't even stated skippah
Skipper: well I am now, so shut up
Private: ok
Skipper: it was a sunny day in 1989 my thoughts were short my hair was long-

"THIZ IZ SO FAEK,

FURST, PENGUINS DONT LIVE MORE THAN 20 YEARZ!!111
SEKOND, PENGUINS DONT HAVE HAIRS!!
THIRD, LEARN YOUR FAKTS YOU STUPID CARTOON KHID!!111 FUK U!"

That was sarcasm, you know.

Rookie: *interrupting him* daad the story
Skipper: oh right sorry I got carried away singing a song

Oh... that reminds me of a song...

WE'RE A BAND OF VICIOUS PIRATES... no that's not it. Stop dancing!

Rookie: and btw your thoughts have never been short and your hair was never long

No shit.

Skipper: back to the story, it was a sunny day in 1956, us penguins were chillaxing at the old H.Q in southern France when our H.Q was destroyed by a huge reptile of some sort-
Private:*interrupting him* well why are we bringing fishing poles
Skipper: because it is a cover up


Well suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure it is...

Private: but how are we going to catch him at the ocean
Skipper: because he lives in a sewer right next to the ocean, back to the story the reptile was like 85 feet tall 30 feet wide and had razor sharp teeth he knocked down the left wall-
Private: yes it also took the wall of the bathroom, which I was using

bathrom joeks LOLLLL

Skipper: anyways that woke rico up , I was already awake, it was terrifying because that mutant ugly disgusting gross reptile stepped on our weekly supply of peanut butter winkies
Cadet: nooooo not the p.b winkies

Yes, P. B. Winkies will elect himself to be president of Serbia!!

Jenna and cat: *hugging each other* crying
Everyone accept for rookie and rico was crying

Just kidding, P. B. Winkies doesn't exist. OR DOES HE???

Skipper: its ok penguins and friends don't dwell on the past
Rico: ba to da stowi
Skipper: oh right we all got in a boat and tried to escape but mr reptile mc stupid pants knocked over the boat with his tail I flew back onto land and the other penguins flew halfway across the ocean
Rookie: was singing I believe I can fly splat she hit the water *making bubbling noises I bblleeb I cnnn ffllbiii*

What?

Skipper: back to the story read the next chapter and find out what happened next (if I finish it by then)

Okay i didn't stand it anyway... 

Also, i've got to find more about that P. B. Winkies everyone are afraid of...