Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: T'Was the night

Okay, everyone loves Christmas! Expect Jews. Jenovah's witnesses, terrorists and Russians.

And christmas means caring, presents, possible burnouts and fall of your economy! Also, Christmas also means incredibly lame Christmas specials, and also, Christmas fanfics, you know, the ones that make even "Pac-Man, video game character who saved Christmas" look good.

And for christmas, i am going to review another fanfiction that ironically features my favourite series ever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Christmas Special also known as T'was the night

Hey everyone. I this is just an idea i had rolling around in my head. I'm working on my other story as well so no worries. Now i hope you enjoy the product of my hyperactive mind!

T'was the night

The theater was alive with the sounds of a full house. Happy murmurs were echoing throughout the halls as people took their seats for the main show. It wasn't every day that the cast of the enormously popular and forever well-loved show Neon Genesis Evangelion broke the fourth wall for a Christmas special. Tickets sold out instantly as fans sat patiently to hear their favorite cast members sing their choice of holiday hits.  

....WAIT WHAT???

Evangelion gang singing Christmas hits??? Who came up with this? I know this is fake, but... it's still ridiculous...

I would only buy the CD if it features Nicholas Cage, Lemmy from Motörhead, Paul Whitehouse and Gary Oldman as Pontius Pilate!

The only thing that could satisfy the fans even more is if Rebuild of Evangelion 3.0: You Can (Not) Redo found its way to torrent sites faster. But at alas, one miracle at a time.

 Nah, i haven't found any torrents for 2.0 either.

"Places people! 5 minutes to show time!" the lovely and talented Misato Katsuragi shouted as people of NERV scrambled and forth in a mad dash to get the sets ready for each individual song. When she was certain no one was listening, Misato let out a very tired sigh. "Making this event possible is even worse than filing the damage reports of angel attacks" she pouted.

So this takes place in an Alternate dimension where Evangelion was a tv show but also a REAL THING???
So that means it's like Conan O'Brien with plot! Oh my god i need to take a christmas whisky!

"What, tired already? But the night is just beginning Katsuragi" A cool and confident voiced teased her. She whirled around, her hand already poised to attack Kaji but to her surprise her hand made contact with First Lieutenant Makoto Hyuga's face, knocking his glass clean off as he spiraled to the ground.

Stop attacking people, Katsuragi!

Misato pulled at the ends of her hair while shouting "You're not KAJI! I'm so so sorry!" Kaji chuckled next to her, clearly enjoying the sight of a distress Misato. Misato keen ears pick up on his chuckle and like a smart bomb,

BI-BI-BI-BIG IRONY-ONY BOMB-OMB-OMB

her hand connects to his face cleanly. "Well that stung a bit" Kaji cheerfully replies as he attempts to cover up the tears in his eyes. Misato's cheeks puff in anger as she begins to scold Kaji "What are you doing here? You are not even allowed to be in the building!" Kaji flashed as smile as he held up a card that said NERV approved. "Gendo gave me the okay so I can help you"

Oh god, Why? Why those people have fallen into THIS?

It's like gathering HomeStuck characters to sing religional songs with Puppet Jimmy Carter, La Parka and Gabe Newell!

"You can help me by leaving me alone!" Misato shouted as she helped Hyuga to his feet. "Sorry about that Makoto" She tells him sheepishly. Hyuga simply blushes before nervously laughing "No problem Major, no problem at all" He stares dreamily into her eyes, imagining a long passionate kiss that would make the collected Ryoji Kaji fume in jealousy.

So Third Impact turned Evangelion Characters into a gang of B-List Celebrities??? Just like what happened with A-Team, Muppets and Married With Children?? Expect this time, they are in their roles BOTH in real life and in TV??? Now i know how WWE Wrestlers feel...

"Hyuga! Are you listening!?" His mind snaps back to attention "No ma'am! I'm sorry I thought I saw…" "Can it, we don't have time. Do you have the information I need?" Hyuga nods quickly, handing her the list. "That's the order of people singing tonight. While most wrote down the song they are going to sing, we have yet to get one from Mr. Ikari, Miss Sohryu and Miss Ayanami"

Did "Sans", "Samas" and "Kuns" went out of model?


Misato slapped her forehead in annoyance "I want the whole team to make them have a song ready for me! Especially since Rei's first!" Hyuga nodded eagerly as Misato went off to dress. Try getting that image out of your head.

Yes, Fanservice would save this utter piece of shit story.

Shinji Ikari sighed. Then he thought about which song to sing….and sighed some more. 

HOW ABOUT...CHARLIE BROWN'S CHRISTMAS GALLEON EHAHUHAHEHAHUHAH

l4me like rocketboy always says...

When he supported this idea for a special as a thank you for all their fans,

Me. Asuka. Mari. Rei. Maybe Kaworu. One Room. No Rules. Ten Condoms. Thank You. You're Welcome.

he had no idea that meant he would automatically sign up to sing in it. He did not believe there was any girl who wanted to hear him sing…actually he didn't think anyone wanted to see him in general.

Well, nobody wants to see you...singing.

Shinji scratched the back of his hand nervously. He was hoping to use this as a chance to show Asuka how he felt. The confident, beautiful Asuka Langley Sohryu. 

Oh come on Shinji, just turn gay. If a Big time loser like Avery Petrie could do it, you can do it too because you're a... big time loser!

He loved her since he first locked eyes with her (though many may think when she flashed him is when he fell for her but he wasn't that kind of guy). But now he had no idea what to sing. Which Christmas song do you sing to tell someone you love them?

All i want for Christmas is you? Ever heard of that? Or just show her "Jesus H. Christ in China with Gary Oldman as Pontius Pilate!"

Shinji rose to his feet and walked over to his good friend Toji, who was currently checking himself out in the mirror. "Oh yeah, I look good" he muttered as he flexed for the mirror. Shinji was amazed it didn't crack.

Shinji had a friend named Toji? Well, for a while at least...

"Toji" Shinji called but Toji paid no noticed to him. "Oh yeah, all the ladies are gonna love ya" Toji said with a grin. "TOJI! I need your help" Toji frowned before turning to his friend. "Why'd ya interrupted me Shinji? I need to practice when I strut on stage for the ladies" Shinji looked in disbelief at his friend "but…you're wearing your track suit? You think the ladies will love you….in a track suit?"Toji smiled smugly "All for the fans. Isn't that why you're wearing your school uniform?"

Well, at least in Japan. But every anime has always DIFFERENT school uniform and british uniform's don't attract ANYONE! That's why Jasper and Lucy don't have different gender interests.

Shinji peered down. Actually he wasn't sure how to dress for these events and went with something familiar. "It's still better than a track suit" Shinji shot back. "Dude, ya need some style. I make this look good" Toji said with a deluded tone.

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING SINGING! BEST WAY TO GET LADIES IS NOT TO SING OKAY??? AND WHERE THE FUCK IS KAWORU??? HE WOULD'VE ENDED THIS ME...cough, sorry, some of these fanfics just don't make sense...

Shinji resisted rolling his eyes. Right now he needed Toji's advice. He could ridicule his track suit later.

Also, why would someone wear track suit in Christmas??? I know Christmas has snow and snow is cold, but come on! This isn't the anniversary of hiking! Just wear sexy body suit or something! That's the trademark of the whole fucking series!

"Toji…I want to tell Asuka how I feel but I don't know which song would get my point across best. I mean I can't just tell her I dedicated a song to her! She'd laugh at me! But if I don't make it obvious enough she won't get the hint! Toji, what do I do?!"'

Just say, "This song has been dedicated for person i love, who passed away twice" That would get some sympathy!

Silence.
"Toji?" Shinji asked uncertainly. Toji just flexed some more and smiled at his reflection. Shinji bit his lip as he punched Toji in his shoulder. "OWW! What was that for!?" Toji rubbed his shoulder as Shinji "SONG. I need your help!" Toji looked thoughtful for a moment and Shinji was beginning to hope that his friend was going to make up for his earlier neglect.

"Dude I dunno"

IT'S VERDANT VLAD!!

Shinji let out a frustrated cry

IT'S SLUTTY BITCH AVERY PETRIE! I KNEW IT! THERE WAS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO! Expect Shinji can be nice.

The chattering of the fans came to a stop when the lights dimmed. There was a single spotlight shone on the middle of the stage as a click, clack sound of heels began to get louder and louder.

I guess only legacy this show would get is the "Super-Terrific Japanese Thing" article on Topless Robot.

Suddenly Misato appeared, wearing a strapless black dress that stopped just above her knee and shined against the lone spotlight. She wore light red lipstick and black heels that seemed to allow her to glide rather than walk. "Hello Fans!" She shouted into a microphone. At once she was met with wolf whistles and loud cheers. She shot a suggestive wink into the crowd and the theater just exploded. "Now, now settle down" She giggled, slowly the cheering died down.

It died because the show became awkward before it even started. Fuck it, put some Nicholas Cage in to sing "Merry Jollies to Everyone and NOT THE BEEEEEES!!"

"Now I am Misato Katsuragi" A loud cheer went up again "As you all know and I would like to welcome you to our showcase. This is just our way of saying thanks! Now before we get the ball rolling, I believe Mr. Gendo Ikari has a few words for you!"

The audience began clapping and cheering as Gendo calmly walked onto the stage in his usual commander outfit, hands clasped behind his back as he made his way to Misato. She handed him the microphone and took a step back as he turned to address the crowd, who were cheering their heads off. "Silence" Gendo spoke into the microphone and suddenly as if someone turned off the sound in the whole world.

Then, Gendo put his hand on his face and suddenly ripped his face off, and there was another face. Fans were astonished, instead of Gendo Ikari, there was now...

IT'S ME AUSTIN! "Oh you son of a-*gunshot" IT WAS ME, ALL ALONG AUSTIN.

But sadly that didn't happen, so let's go on.

Gendo paused, gathering the words he wished to present to his loyal, loving fans. Fans edge closer, each coming up with an idea of what the great and almighty Gendo Ikari's speech would be.

Silence rolled into seconds before Gendo finally said "Enjoy" and handed Misato the microphone as he walked pass. Misato's stunned face was nothing compared to the audiences. "Maybe…that was the wrong thing to say" she thought. As once the crowd cheered louder than what they had for Misato, which irked her a little. "Ungrateful little" She thought as she went on with her dialogue "Thank you Commander Ikari! Now let's get this show started with Rei Ayanami singing…er… a song!" Misato made her way off stage as the curtains rose, showing a sight that stunned the most devote Evangelion fan into silence.

Thankfully we won't see more, because this fanfic ended. Really!

IT WAS JOKE AUSTIN!