This hasn't been my week...
First, Avery can't take me seriously and now has started the dumb school. Then, Bolt, the only person who didn't hate me, starts hating me and goes away, then i piss off broku5000 and sauec because i tell them I'M FUCKING TIRED OF STUPID MAINSTREAM MY LITTLE PONY!! Then Awesomex18 starts a holocaust towards me and shit happens.
Ugh, that's why this fanfiction i'm gonna review has been dedicated for everyone of you. You all will realize that this sounds exactly like shit that blabbers from your mouth. This fanfic has the IQ of yours. This fanfic is far more enjoyable than you!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, and the ones that are both.
For this week, i'm going to review...
MY IMMORTAL!
Ahhh yes, the most infamous fanfic of all time, that is so bad it's good. But this time, i'm not only making fun of this fic, i'm making fun of YOU at the same time. And i'm going STRAIGHT to the personal stuff, nothing is held secret!Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Most ridiculous name since Avery Kane Goatface Julian Petrie The Turd The Bi Version.
and I have long ebony black hair
Doesn't ebony mean black-skinned and black-haired? Yes, AX, i've seen women unlike you.
with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee
Then she's an emo! I'm going to name her "Ebony Niall Jasper Passmore Dark'ness Dementia (what) Raven Way!"
(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
And angry fangirl strikes... He's just like Jasper. Expect Andrew Hussie in place of Amy Lee.
I remember how he first mentioned HomeStuck...
Jasper: Hey do you know Hussie??
Me: Uh, nope.
Jasper: FUCK YOU!
Or at least that went somehow like that...
I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.
Goddarn, Ebony Niall! This is a fanfic you aren't supposed to fap to stupid celebrities!
I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.
Vampires in Harry Potter story?? What kind of sorcery is this?
Also, in my opinion. Harry Potter ended after fourth book. Fifth movie was boring and after it things went too dark and Twilight-ish. Harry Potter killed Voldemort in fourth movie and was a good boy for rest of the movie. I call rest of the Potter Movies "Lord Harry".
But back to the fanfic.
I have pale white skin.
But you were... oh wait you were Ebony Niall Jasper Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Carry on!
I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).
Hogwarts had a seventh class? Oh wait, this is a stupid drama queen who believes that those last three ones were Harry Potter books!
I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)
What? I thought you were emo!
and I wear mostly black.
 | |
| No you're not. |
Ugh.
For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.
AKA How Blade Braxton dresses up everyday. Don't tell me it's in your middle name too?
I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
What in the hell are preps???
Quote from Urban Dictionary:
A prep is a person that is totally brainwashed by the media. They wear what brands the media tells them to such as A&F, AE, Aero, hollister, express, etc. They basically only listen to mainstream music. They make fun of people who aren't afraid to be themselves otherwise know as individuals. Preps are shallow. They are monkeys --> monkey see, monkey do. The media says something's cool, prep sees, prep thinks it's cool.
As someone else on here said, "preps are the downfall of society". and they are.
Aaaaahhh, you mean Mainstream-Mandys? Jasper's friend is Dave, who hates everything that is liked more than two people so now her full name is Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness *pooh* Dementia Raven Way.
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!
Draco Armando Gigasurfer Malfoy, Jasper's original fuckbuddy. Became hetero after he wanted to become a normal person and fell in love with a fat, ugly and stupid bitch, who is probably male.
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
You weren't supposed to be shy, at least in first four movies! But this is Draco Armando, he's different, fusing an annoying little brat and laughable dupstep making rantist, who hugs fat girls.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
No, but it's not that infamous yet.
Welp, moving to Chapter 2.
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!
Here we see writer raging at Mainstream-Mandy's just like Dave does.
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.
Noooooo-one careeeeees....
I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.
Looking normal there, Ebony Niall...
I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
Just look at those, what a worthless bitches! Genderless Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave etc. Raven Way pisses me off. No suprise, he has genes of Emo Vampire Witch Bitch, Gay Emogoth pedophile, Croatian Navy Hipster Nazi and Blade Braxton.
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
So since when Draco Malfoy became grown-up arrogant dude and not an annoying blonde shit? Oh wait, that happened in Lord Harry.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
Okay, out of this now. Who finds Armando, the real one, a good person? He is acting like a whining 9-year old pessimist most of the time who rants about rape jokes and gay rights even though nobody gives a shit, and if he isn't, he is high. And that means he's doing crazy stuff like using tumblr. He has vagina in the place of his balls!
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
Awwww awkward!
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily.
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
And Andrew Hussie's music.
"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped.
Wasn't this meant to be y'know, REALLY HORRIBLE FANFIC?
I guess it's because this has nothing to do with Harry Potter, expect wizards.
Next: Chapter 3
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.
What? English please?
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.
OooOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!
I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.
...
oh...
my...
god...
Let's See, Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Someone stop this monstrosity!
I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.
OoooOOOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!
Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.
This is just horrible, more horrible than other fanfics i've reviewed AND SEX SCENES HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!!!
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.
Really? A Flying Car? Did you just watched trailers for all the movies and then used them as elements for this unglossary shit! Also Armando doesn't drive a flying car because they pollute too much and increase rape in this world blah blah blah blah blah blah...
He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).
Ugh, stop speeling cool as "kewl"!
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.
Like Gabe always does!
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert.
So everyone are suddenly satanists? Oh come on, it's obvious, he drives Mercedes-Benz!
On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.
DON'T TELL ME HE'S GERALD TOO!!
When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
Auuugh, this is stupider than AdventureBound and more sinful than HomeStuck.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).
I know what they're singing about! They sing about how Avery Petrie one night came from Teddy Hart Concert into Police station because he molested Larissa, killed her and put her into a bag of ol' Fishsticks. Then Doctor cut his card, and he was handed to Men On a Mission, and then he was executed.
Am i right???
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
"People aren't hot or ugly, if we would marry clever but not 'good-looking' people, we would get better people in this world, and not ones like that Hollywood Jabroni George Bush." That's what Armando would say.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.
That didn't make sense... It should go like "Hey it's ok. I don't like as much as i like you." Was that so hard?
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch."
"Nothing." he said shyly.
You weren't supposed to be shy, at least in first four movies! But this is Draco Armando, he's different, fusing an annoying little brat and laughable dupstep making rantist, who hugs fat girls.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
No, but it's not that infamous yet.
Welp, moving to Chapter 2.
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!
Here we see writer raging at Mainstream-Mandy's just like Dave does.
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.
Noooooo-one careeeeees....
I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.
Looking normal there, Ebony Niall...
I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
Just look at those, what a worthless bitches! Genderless Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave etc. Raven Way pisses me off. No suprise, he has genes of Emo Vampire Witch Bitch, Gay Emogoth pedophile, Croatian Navy Hipster Nazi and Blade Braxton.
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
So since when Draco Malfoy became grown-up arrogant dude and not an annoying blonde shit? Oh wait, that happened in Lord Harry.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
Okay, out of this now. Who finds Armando, the real one, a good person? He is acting like a whining 9-year old pessimist most of the time who rants about rape jokes and gay rights even though nobody gives a shit, and if he isn't, he is high. And that means he's doing crazy stuff like using tumblr. He has vagina in the place of his balls!
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
Awwww awkward!
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily.
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
And Andrew Hussie's music.
"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped.
Wasn't this meant to be y'know, REALLY HORRIBLE FANFIC?
I guess it's because this has nothing to do with Harry Potter, expect wizards.
Next: Chapter 3
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.
What? English please?
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.
OooOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!
I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.
...
oh...
my...
god...
Let's See, Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Someone stop this monstrosity!
I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.
OoooOOOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!
Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.
This is just horrible, more horrible than other fanfics i've reviewed AND SEX SCENES HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!!!
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.
Really? A Flying Car? Did you just watched trailers for all the movies and then used them as elements for this unglossary shit! Also Armando doesn't drive a flying car because they pollute too much and increase rape in this world blah blah blah blah blah blah...
He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).
Ugh, stop speeling cool as "kewl"!
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.
Like Gabe always does!
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert.
So everyone are suddenly satanists? Oh come on, it's obvious, he drives Mercedes-Benz!
On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.
DON'T TELL ME HE'S GERALD TOO!!
When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
Auuugh, this is stupider than AdventureBound and more sinful than HomeStuck.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).
I know what they're singing about! They sing about how Avery Petrie one night came from Teddy Hart Concert into Police station because he molested Larissa, killed her and put her into a bag of ol' Fishsticks. Then Doctor cut his card, and he was handed to Men On a Mission, and then he was executed.
Am i right???
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
"People aren't hot or ugly, if we would marry clever but not 'good-looking' people, we would get better people in this world, and not ones like that Hollywood Jabroni George Bush." That's what Armando would say.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.
That didn't make sense... It should go like "Hey it's ok. I don't like as much as i like you." Was that so hard?
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch."
He's now Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Lucy Rose Gerald King Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. How many people are going to this gangbang anyway??
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!
AUUUGHH, THEY'RE GONNA BE EATEN BY VLODEMROT!
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
You just made annoying kid become a shy beer-drinking rantist! Oh my god!
Also, Ebony is now Enoby. Enoby Niall Jasper Blade Dave yougetit.
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"
"I'm going to feed you to, VLODEMROT!
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)
SOOO HE DIDN'T USE HIS TEENY-WEENY MAGIC THIS TIME??? THIS ONE WAS REAL??? HE ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOMETHING!! HE DIDN'T BORROW ANYTHING FROM... It starts with N and ends into Y, And there's also I, C, and K in the middle of it, but i won't tell more!
Ugh. Back to the story.
which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
Here it comes...
Also, "HE PUT HIS THINGIE INTO MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT" cracked me up. Oh lord. This is the stupidest shit ever.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
It was….Dumbledore!
AKA Albus Kevin Hitler Dumbledore. Nice to see you here too.
So, i will review more in every day of the week, few chapters more. Until i finally reach the peak of this craziness and Ebo... i mean Enoby Niall will have the longest name in the history of mankind.
