Fortan Reviews Crap: Sonic The Hedgehog

Sorry for delays, dudes. I haven't made a blogpost after Novengelion, because i haven't came up with anything.

But, now, after i found out Avery likes Sonic again, i decided to make fun of that foolish furry icon, by reviewing ALL Sonic's games in a WrestleCrap stylish 100% pessimistic way. This isn't my official opinion, i just do it because Dave Fandom member likes this shit.

Sonic The Hedgehog is an video game mascot for Sega, and answer to Nintendo's stupid fat plumber. He once was more popular than Mickey Mouse. But sadly, now he has fallen into THAT level,

thousands of recolours, pornography, crazy fans, horrible sequels...

And Mario had only stupid fanbois, repetitive games and Weenee...

Let's start with Sonic's past, and the time when he became popular among the kids. (Yes, i said THE KIDS, not 40-year old public masturbators)

Sonic The Hedgehog (1991)

Only good thing is he doesn't look so furry.

This is the first adventure of Sonic, where evil Dr. Robotnik/Eggman has kidnapped animals, and Sonic the Animal Rights Defender must save them or else PETA would sue Sonic.
Robotnik also steal Sonic's dick, like i said in my first Filthy Fanfics Corner, which caused him to run fast.
Sonic also must find Chaos Emeralds to get into Robotnik's house and save all the animals and the whole island.

This game made Sonic popular, but PETA still sued Sonic because he was painted blue and he had no dick.

Game also got an 8-bit version, that featured a secret ending where Sonic killed Mario.

Sonic Eraser (1991)

CREATIVE.

 Sonic's second game, that debuted Tails and according to many people its the best soni...oh wait.

Why isn't this titled Sonic The Hedgehog 2? At least its a new Sonic game!
Along with this, there was SegaSonic Cosmo Fighter and Waku Waku Sonic Patrol Car, where Sonic chases terrorists with Pac-Man.

At least i think it does...

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (1992)

Featuring Sonic, his little furry buddy, Evil scottish head and a giant two!

This is actually Sonic 4, because Eraser, Cosmo Fighter and Patrol Car came before this, but whatever.
In this game we meet Sonic and his little buddy Tails, how did they meet? I don't know, the game never told.

Robotnik has once again stolen the Chaos Emeralds and Sonic's dick. (WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE LITTLE ANIMALS? DID SONIC KILLED THEM TO CREATE TAILS OR SOMETHING?)
He uses them to power his "Death Egg". (Stealing from Star Wars. How original!)

This is also the first appearance of Mecha Sonic, who doesn't look like Mecha Sonic, more like a Garbage can that is made to resemble Sonic.

Bad Game minus five stars.

SONIC SPINBALL (1993)

This game features Sonic roasting on rails! And some rocks.

Robotnik has stolen the Mountain of St. Mobius and wants to turn it into a factory that could turn animals into robots, he has also stolen the Chaos Emeralds and this time, Sonic's balls.

In this Pinballish Action Game, Sonic must go thru random pinball levels and fight his minions!

Excuse me what?

Back in the days games were serious business, and they waste all their money to this shit?

Well, i guess they were too rich because after this, even more horrible abomination was released.

Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (1993)

Also Known as "Robotnik goes Retarded"

In This game, Sonic must defeat Robotnik who has turned all the Jelly Beans (PETA has finally gone thru) into a robot slaves. Sadly, it doesnt have Robotnik as a main character.

It's based on a cartoon, named Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog, that is known as "The Grave of Friendly Sonic." Only good thing being in that Cartoon that it didn't had furry characters unlike the later cartoons. After that, Sonic made his way on failed Sega Console called Sega CD.

Sonic CD (1993)

AUUUGH!

Robotnik stoles an ENTIRE PLANET this time and he has a NEW Mecha Sonic with him! Also the debut of Amy Rose, a bitch who was the first-ever Sonic masturbator. Game won "The biggest Nightmare Fuel Of 1993," from the screen seen above, and that's why Sonic gang decided to move on...

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG TREE! (1994)

Tails has got his cartoon look for some reason.

This was the first appearance of more serious Sonic. Robotnik stoles some shit and also finds Master Emerald. Sonic and Tails try to save the world again, but instead meet Knuckles, his future bed buddy of Furries.
It also got an expansion named Sonic & Knuckles, where Knuckles becomes a good guy. After this game Sonic 4 never came, (THAT OTHER Sonic 4 doesn't count, Real Sonic 4 is released on a Sega Console!)
After this succesful game, Sonic's downfall started, by creating a horrible Mario Kart rip-off.

Sonic Drift (1994)

This is where Sega lost ideas, after few educational games. They decided to create a rip-off of Mario Kart, in 8-bit!

Seriously, who bought this game? Probadly the same guy who bought Tails's own games, Sonic Labyrinth and so horrible Sonic Schoolhouse...

The next game, however, was something completetly different.

Knuckles Chaotix (1995)

Looks like stupid limited Sonic.

In this game Knuckles works as a bodyguard in Amusement Park, but then Robotnik attacks there and imprisons Knuckles's friend, Vector The Kremling, Espio The Chameleon, Charmy The Bee and Mighty The...Beta-Shadow? Knuckles saves his friends one at the time and must face that stupid scientist because Sonic is a bitch.

You thought this was a bad game? Wait until you see THIS!

SONIC 3D BLAST (1996)

What.

Just because Mario moved to 3D Sega had to think of Sonic doing the same, and so they created Sonic 3D Blast, that has none of the characters seen before expect Robotnik, who has kidnapped Chaos Emeralds again because he's bored.

This game was boring, and Sonic looked like he was acting and was really having some kind of a Down Syndrome.
And that's where Sonic's downfall started, my friends, thankfully, he was still far away from becoming a furry icon, after Sonic The Crimefighters and few others...

he became a furry icon.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Sonic Adventure.

Sonic Adventure (1998)

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, THE MORE THE MERRIER

Robotnik wakes up a god named Chaos, who hates everyone. Sonic and his new furry-fied friends must fight that stupid water drop in a place.

This is the part where all the characters young characters became hot and 40-year old masturbators started to love it.

And after Sonic Adventure 2, The Shitty big-dick furry overrated recolour Sonic was born we all know and love...

And so original Sonic was forgotten until he showed up again in an overrated piece of shit called Sonic Generations! Thankfully, Sonic games were released a lot LESS since the beginning days. One day we might see Sonic in "Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine 2: Yogtopussies Attack!"