Fortan Reviews Crap: Sonic The Hedgehog

Sorry for delays, dudes. I haven't made a blogpost after Novengelion, because i haven't came up with anything.

But, now, after i found out Avery likes Sonic again, i decided to make fun of that foolish furry icon, by reviewing ALL Sonic's games in a WrestleCrap stylish 100% pessimistic way. This isn't my official opinion, i just do it because Dave Fandom member likes this shit.

Sonic The Hedgehog is an video game mascot for Sega, and answer to Nintendo's stupid fat plumber. He once was more popular than Mickey Mouse. But sadly, now he has fallen into THAT level,

thousands of recolours, pornography, crazy fans, horrible sequels...

And Mario had only stupid fanbois, repetitive games and Weenee...

Let's start with Sonic's past, and the time when he became popular among the kids. (Yes, i said THE KIDS, not 40-year old public masturbators)

Sonic The Hedgehog (1991)

Only good thing is he doesn't look so furry.

This is the first adventure of Sonic, where evil Dr. Robotnik/Eggman has kidnapped animals, and Sonic the Animal Rights Defender must save them or else PETA would sue Sonic.
Robotnik also steal Sonic's dick, like i said in my first Filthy Fanfics Corner, which caused him to run fast.
Sonic also must find Chaos Emeralds to get into Robotnik's house and save all the animals and the whole island.

This game made Sonic popular, but PETA still sued Sonic because he was painted blue and he had no dick.

Game also got an 8-bit version, that featured a secret ending where Sonic killed Mario.

Sonic Eraser (1991)

CREATIVE.

 Sonic's second game, that debuted Tails and according to many people its the best soni...oh wait.

Why isn't this titled Sonic The Hedgehog 2? At least its a new Sonic game!
Along with this, there was SegaSonic Cosmo Fighter and Waku Waku Sonic Patrol Car, where Sonic chases terrorists with Pac-Man.

At least i think it does...

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (1992)

Featuring Sonic, his little furry buddy, Evil scottish head and a giant two!

This is actually Sonic 4, because Eraser, Cosmo Fighter and Patrol Car came before this, but whatever.
In this game we meet Sonic and his little buddy Tails, how did they meet? I don't know, the game never told.

Robotnik has once again stolen the Chaos Emeralds and Sonic's dick. (WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE LITTLE ANIMALS? DID SONIC KILLED THEM TO CREATE TAILS OR SOMETHING?)
He uses them to power his "Death Egg". (Stealing from Star Wars. How original!)

This is also the first appearance of Mecha Sonic, who doesn't look like Mecha Sonic, more like a Garbage can that is made to resemble Sonic.

Bad Game minus five stars.

SONIC SPINBALL (1993)

This game features Sonic roasting on rails! And some rocks.

Robotnik has stolen the Mountain of St. Mobius and wants to turn it into a factory that could turn animals into robots, he has also stolen the Chaos Emeralds and this time, Sonic's balls.

In this Pinballish Action Game, Sonic must go thru random pinball levels and fight his minions!

Excuse me what?

Back in the days games were serious business, and they waste all their money to this shit?

Well, i guess they were too rich because after this, even more horrible abomination was released.

Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (1993)

Also Known as "Robotnik goes Retarded"

In This game, Sonic must defeat Robotnik who has turned all the Jelly Beans (PETA has finally gone thru) into a robot slaves. Sadly, it doesnt have Robotnik as a main character.

It's based on a cartoon, named Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog, that is known as "The Grave of Friendly Sonic." Only good thing being in that Cartoon that it didn't had furry characters unlike the later cartoons. After that, Sonic made his way on failed Sega Console called Sega CD.

Sonic CD (1993)

AUUUGH!

Robotnik stoles an ENTIRE PLANET this time and he has a NEW Mecha Sonic with him! Also the debut of Amy Rose, a bitch who was the first-ever Sonic masturbator. Game won "The biggest Nightmare Fuel Of 1993," from the screen seen above, and that's why Sonic gang decided to move on...

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG TREE! (1994)

Tails has got his cartoon look for some reason.

This was the first appearance of more serious Sonic. Robotnik stoles some shit and also finds Master Emerald. Sonic and Tails try to save the world again, but instead meet Knuckles, his future bed buddy of Furries.
It also got an expansion named Sonic & Knuckles, where Knuckles becomes a good guy. After this game Sonic 4 never came, (THAT OTHER Sonic 4 doesn't count, Real Sonic 4 is released on a Sega Console!)
After this succesful game, Sonic's downfall started, by creating a horrible Mario Kart rip-off.

Sonic Drift (1994)

This is where Sega lost ideas, after few educational games. They decided to create a rip-off of Mario Kart, in 8-bit!

Seriously, who bought this game? Probadly the same guy who bought Tails's own games, Sonic Labyrinth and so horrible Sonic Schoolhouse...

The next game, however, was something completetly different.

Knuckles Chaotix (1995)

Looks like stupid limited Sonic.

In this game Knuckles works as a bodyguard in Amusement Park, but then Robotnik attacks there and imprisons Knuckles's friend, Vector The Kremling, Espio The Chameleon, Charmy The Bee and Mighty The...Beta-Shadow? Knuckles saves his friends one at the time and must face that stupid scientist because Sonic is a bitch.

You thought this was a bad game? Wait until you see THIS!

SONIC 3D BLAST (1996)

What.

Just because Mario moved to 3D Sega had to think of Sonic doing the same, and so they created Sonic 3D Blast, that has none of the characters seen before expect Robotnik, who has kidnapped Chaos Emeralds again because he's bored.

This game was boring, and Sonic looked like he was acting and was really having some kind of a Down Syndrome.
And that's where Sonic's downfall started, my friends, thankfully, he was still far away from becoming a furry icon, after Sonic The Crimefighters and few others...

he became a furry icon.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Sonic Adventure.

Sonic Adventure (1998)

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, THE MORE THE MERRIER

Robotnik wakes up a god named Chaos, who hates everyone. Sonic and his new furry-fied friends must fight that stupid water drop in a place.

This is the part where all the characters young characters became hot and 40-year old masturbators started to love it.

And after Sonic Adventure 2, The Shitty big-dick furry overrated recolour Sonic was born we all know and love...

And so original Sonic was forgotten until he showed up again in an overrated piece of shit called Sonic Generations! Thankfully, Sonic games were released a lot LESS since the beginning days. One day we might see Sonic in "Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine 2: Yogtopussies Attack!"

Novengelion FINALE: Evangelion 3.0 Review (SPOILERS)

Alright, this month that nobody gave a shit about, has been passed. And now it's time for big finale before i return back to mocking everyone.

To be honest i haven't seen the movie, but i would like to. I WANT TO!
So instead i will use the plot written on EvaWiki...
I will update this everytime new spoilers come because they're not completissimo!


The story begins 14 years after the events of the previous film. 

WHAT? They have suddenly started a completetly new story? What kind of FACKING BULLSHEET is this?

Most of Nerv's original adult staff, sans Gendo and Fuyutsuki, now belong to an organization called Will-e (German Wille, "will"),

 Will-E? You mean, Wily?

IT'S ME MEGAMAN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!

 led by Captain Misato Katsuragi, and including Eva pilots Asuka (in Eva-02) and Mari (in the new Eva-08), Toji's sister Sakura, and several new characters. From their flying battle ship AAA Wunder, 

So Wunderbaum-spruces and a Lucha Libre company have teamed up with Dr. Wily? In An Evangelion universe? That sounds totally awesome!

the two Evas launch a mission into low orbit to retrieve a giant tesseract wherein Eva-01 has been contained, with Shinji absorbed within all this time. The 11th Angel, a collection of mechanoid orbital drones, go on the offensive, with one ultimately revealing itself camouflaged on the tesseract. When measures against it fail, Asuka pleas for Shinji to do something, and Eva-01 rouses briefly to destroy the Angel through a crack in its container. Eva-02 and the tesseract fall to Earth, as Kaworu watches, and says, "Welcome home, Shinji Ikari. I've been waiting for you." 

Kaworu becomes a creepy pervert at this point.

They return to the Wunder, currently positioned in polar waters with a fleet of warships and aircraft carriers. The crew salvages Shinji from Eva-01. Once his identity and memories are confirmed, he is brought before Misato, Ritsuko, and others, equipped with a collar device that confirms that he is still human. After being given some freedom to roam the ship, the 11th Angel attacks the Will-e fleet. Eva-01 is put in place as an energy source for the fleet at the core of the main ship, the ships become airborne, and Wunder's main weapons destroy the Angel. 

Eugh.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: Neon Genesis Equestria

In Modern Day Times of Me, there are 4 things that will make me angry:

1. Keep blabbering about shitty politics.
2. Take All My Stuff Down
3. Make Giga-Sakura or sexyasiangirl cry.
4. Crossover something i like with something I HATE

The following fanfic broked number four, and i am now very angry to this fanfic. I wish i could rip the asshole who wrote this into pieces!
As you can see, this is NGE/Pony crossover, i don't care about shitty ponies anymore, but crossing them with NGE is, just, UNHOLY.

Now, sadly, i've found an MLP - Evangelion crossover, and i guess mentally crazy kids become now cute little ponies who ride in rainbows!

Anyway, let's move to our shitty fanfics written by... Nekotabi.

"What are you doing here?"

Alone, the boy standing in the middle of the road when he heard a soothing voice whispers in his ear. He turned his head; try to find the source of the voice. But as he gazed, nothing he but an endless darkness where light fade away. He hears no sound. Not even the speckled rain made voices. It was like a scene from a silent movie. Not in monochrome it is in full color provided by the light from the only source, a street lamp. He could see the black color of the asphalt and gray color of rubble, and also the faded paint of broken bicycle that was belong to him.

Okay, this had a lot of grammar errors, so it's gonna be BAD!
I won't be surprised if "I ALSO SOMETHING IMPORTANT!" makes an appearance in this fic.

The voice, what did it says? It asked him, what he doing here? He doesn't know, more than that, he simply never cares.
"Why are you alone, where is your friends?" the voice heard again, asking silly question..

"Where is your friends?" So this tells about Jamaican Ponies?

Friend!? What a strange word, an alien concept, a mysterious thing. What constitute a friend? The boy find no suggestion, yet his heart drawn painfully to this word. He know some people, their name. Are those people his friend? No, he answers.

This would've been good evangelion imagination, but the jamaican talk ruins it and makes it just laughable.

What a friend? What constitute a friend actually?

 "What a friend? That is tricky question, how if I show you instead?

 My name is Twilight Sparkle. What is your name?"

...
OH
MY
GOD

SERIOUSLY, NGE IS A SERIOUS STORY OF MANKIND'S FAITH! NOT A KAWAII PONY STORY! GET BACK TO SWEDEN!


The boy answers the question, Shinji. Ikari Shinji.
"Shinji.. Nice to meet you..."

"LET'S HAVE SEX!"

"Train A2 has been left... Tokyo three station."
Darkness fades away into light as Shinji awakened by the voice of the train station announcement. It seems that he daydreaming again, with same dream, each dream more vivid than before. This dream got stronger, especially since he accepted a letter from his father.

Had long since his father contacts him, it's been years. No telephone, no letter, nothing. He did not even come to his birthday, always busy with his works in Tokyo three. The boy has long been considered his father to be dead. His old guy left him to an uncle that never really care and then gone. He think his father share that mutual feeling.

So this is appareantly Neon Genesis Evangelion re-told with Ponies being characters in Shinji's mind And everyone are Jamaican?

FUCK THIS COMPANY!

But dead man can't write a letter. A letter that are marked a big logo of Nerv, organization where his father works, comes to him few days ago. All the writing comes with type, except the signature. Shinji know, that this signature belong to his father. He ever see it once, he never forget.

Never Forget the Montreal Screwjob!

Why is Shinji talking like Hulk anyway?

Even he hates his father so much, he accept this invitation because he would accept any ticket to go away from that empty hole where he lived before. Deep in his heart, he seeks to change. Deep in his heart he find hope for his father, a hope that he had already try to extinguish so hard.

NOPE.

What time is it? Shinji looked to a big clock hang in station. It is showed him that he has wait for more than three hour. Hope was slowly lost in his heart. He gets sleepy.
A mirage of a purple little unicorn awakens him. It is only a mere second, and the unicorn gone. Maybe it is only a hallucination provided by hot air of this city. But why the Pony.

Yes, i'm asking the exact same question, Shinji. WHY THE FUCKING PONY?

"Shinji, Ikari Shinji Right?" said a very beautiful woman, "I'm so sorry, we had a little trouble."
A beautiful woman with black purpleish long hair greet him. Shinji and this woman shakes hand, he only see a smile that beauty from magazine. If Shinji doesnt see the Nerv Logo, he must been guess the girl is a model or movie star.

Everyone fucking knows where this is going, this is Neon Genesis Evangelion BUT WITH FUCKING PONIES AND INSTEAD OF JAPAN THEY'RE IN FUCKING JAMAICA! Next we are going to have Robot Donkey Kong or La Parka making an appearance!

Suddenly Shinji acknowledge in the air three helicopter flies with loud noises, the type Shinji only ever see in a movie, heavy armored helicopter. They go full speed to the south, like going to a battlefield.
"Damn JDSF, we too late, hop in the car kid, we need go fast, really fast, by the way my name Misato Katsuragi, nice to meet you," Mitsuko invite shinji to a shake.

Oh god, she name Misatu Katsuragi! She Jamaican. Also suddenly she's called Mitsuko anyway!

FUCK THIS COMPANY (x2)

"Shinji, Ikari Shinji..." said Shinji.
"Prepare Shinji-kun It is going to be one hell of a ride," This lady was not kidding.
It is really one hell of a ride, at least they flip over the car once and almost hit a cat twice. Misato, the lady with a black-purple hair ride along the city street like a drunk nascar racer. Shinji almost can't believe he still alive, in that roller coaster to death. It look like this woman try to defy gravity as they jump and drift along quiet city.
"Aw, Damn! I hope NERv got Insurance Policy on my car," Said Misato "Well, Shinji! Welcome to NERv Tokyo Three Base, Incredible spacious underground base, that makes no sense. Yes, they should pay the worker more."
Shinji gap in amazement as he look from the window to a underground city. Buildings hanging on the ceiling of the sky, and in the ground an mysterious pyramid stand in artificial forest. The scenery is soo beautiful yet so absurd. They now sit in a car, that slowly moved along inside giant escalator. They go deep down to the earth.
"Misato, what is this earthquake?" Said Shinji after he felt small tremor.
Misato answer with a flat voice, "It's kind of... hey how your travel? I heard that your village had nice sake, is it right?"
"I guess"
"If only I got more holiday. By the way do you want to know what we doing here... we defend the earth... do you know the Second Impact.. "

God, am i really wasting my time for this Jamaican NGE with ponies appearing randomly!

Behind the black Glasses his father stare him, Shinji didn't see his father eyes, but yet he can feel that cold icy eyes pierce into him. Shinji clenched his hand. He look up above him. A giant purple devil face look back to him, they called it Evangelion. That is war machine, build to fight the Angel. The monster that rampage everything, and destroy world few years ago by creating second impact.
The people busy looking into the monitor, or passing away with sophisticated equipment. Shinji know, they look at Shinji, try to eavesdrop everything. Want to know who is this new child soldier. In anger, he looks back to Misato. That woman look troubled, even in her strong composure. Misato smiled, a smile of warm vanity.
"I know you afraid, it not that hard, you just need to ride on the Evangelion and you gonna be okay..."
"Don't touch me!" Shinji reject Misato hand that reach for him "I know it is a lie".
"Do you really understand what the stakes here, do you realize what happened if we can't destroy this angel. That could be the end of the world, many people will die!"
"Just find somebody else!" Said Shinji.

Somebody, who's, all black and has you know, green glasses! He Sucks, get him!

The short silent was interrupted by tremor that grow stronger each time. Misato looked like lost word, he only stare Shinji. The boy did not dare to see Misato's face. Misato try to seek help from the boys father, she know that it is a wrong choice. Commander gendou not a people person.
"What a waste of time! The boy useless make he gone, we send first child..." The boy's father turns his back on Shinji while fixing his glasses position.
Misato glare in anger to his commander, then he said with rage "Do you understand the situation commander; Rei is not in the good condition!"
"The boy won't work, send her here."
Misato then glance a Shinji with mixture of hate, sad and desperate. She didn't do anything, only go away from the location after a salute to her commander. In the wind Shinji hear Misato's curse, he don't know it is for his father or for him.
Shinji still there, inside he want to scream, not by fear but by anger. He stares to his father back and yell.
"So you want me to come for this!"
Gendou hold his walk; turn around to Shinji, "What do you expect? Cookies?"

What Did i Expect? Good Grammar? No!

"I... " Shinji doesn't answer, he stare on the ground, girt his teeth.
The backup pilot came, and Shinji shocked. A gurney with a young women lay in it push into near the Evangelion. The beautiful girl was wrapped by bandage, he look like seriously injured. He try to stand, but then fall into floor. He was try to stand but only unsteady hold to the rail, even to breathe already very hard for her. The girl groaned in pain, try to stand up. Even to watch is already very painfull.
"First child reporting to duty... uhuk" She cough blood.
"Rei how your condition?" Said Commander Ikari.
"Yes sir I can do it.. uhuk.. uhuk.."
What happening? His father send a sick girl in a battle. This is madness! Inside, Shinji want to scream but outside he only stare the floor in silence. Clench his fist, he want to hit the air, scream to the sky. He want to explode his anger in center of being. He want to die.

JAMAICAN HULK WANT TO DIE!


"Shinji... Shinji..."
And then suddenly, comes the great shock. A great earthquake shakes the earth as Angel try to dig a hole to base below. Nerv base was build to defend from inhuman attack, but that not enough. Nerv base was shatered piece by piece. Shinji look up, when he found a great debris fall from the Nerv celling. The piece of concrete will flatened him to the ground. He gonna die.
"Shinji.. Shinji.."
With same voice that he heard in the dream, she speak to him. It is inside a dream again, he become a six year old boy again.
"Shinji... This is Twilight, how your doing?"
"Not good, I, I.."
"Afraid?"
"..." Shinji not answer

I've got to seriously tell you, this is the most ridiculous fanfic i've ever read. I've said it already million times!

FUCK THIS COMPANY! (3x)

Twilight smile" Dont worry Shinji. We in this together. Hoof to hoof. Now it is time for you to stand up. You have things to protect... you are not alone..."
Shinji looked up. The hand of Eva protecting him from debris fall. He look at the sick pilot then to his father.
"I will pilot Eva.." The Boy Said.



Okay, i don't even want to know how this continues, read rest of this shitty fanfic here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8124034/2/Neon-Genesis-Equestria

Excuse me, now i must walk to the other room and think why am i still living. AND REMEMBER TO VOTE FOR TCoS AWARDS!

Novengelion Filthy Fanfiction Corner! Angel's Soul

October is over, school and work is on full basis, and we come close to Winter, and 2013 WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE END OF THE WORLD COMES LOLno.

Anywho, let's start Novengelion Month, with a Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner! The Only corner here that people actually read! I guess nobody will visit my blog for this month because it's all about Neon Genesis Evangelion, and it's old. Yes guys, NGE totally aired in 1936! Keep going on your HIWHEness!

HIWHE, now THAT is an old word, and makes no sense anymore anyway.

But let's not go to past, let's go to future. Not to 2016, to Far Far Future, when Rei is dead and Shinji's son goes to her grave and Asuka's ghost is jealou.....

What?

The Following fanfic was written by Dolpher.

1.
"Enough this boring math!" with these words Shinji entered the classroom and looked around. Good. Rei is here.
Ignoring both his classmates, who were staring at him (all but Ayanami), and his teacher who hesitated between 'student Ikari, why are you so late' and 'WHAT? How dare you!' Shinji took a pistol out of his book-bag.

It started goodly, but then the writer confused Shinji with Sousuke Sagara at the end.

Great, now we are missing La Parka and Metalhead Donkey Kong, and we can say FUCK YOU to this story.

2.
"Let's get a history lesson." Shinji smirked knowing that he was a center of his classmates - even Rei - and teacher's attention now.
"TT. Guns TT-system were used during the World War Second. In 1990s, that means 50 years later, they began popular again. Why? It turned out that a TT pistol is unstoppable. There was not - and there still is not - a bullet-proof jacket which would be able to stop a bullet shot with TT. So, bad news for you guys. The gun in my hand is TT-system. And remember that you do not have bullet-proof jackets. See? You are in troubles."

Why the hell writer turned Shinji into menacing school shooter? Real Shinji would drop the gun from his hand and then start waving weirdly.

Not sure about the Red-eyed Rebuild Shinji though, he would kick universe's ass with fists.

"Ikari!" Kentsuki glared at the boy, "What are you doing?"
Shinji looked at his friend and the teacher believed that was the right moment for an attack. But Shinji - as if he had eyes on his back - turned around in the very last moment and shot.

And suddenly Shinji was Gendo.

3.
It was not a dead shot. Bullet in stomach won't kill immediatly. But it gives results - instead of getting Shinji and disarming him the teacher fell on the floor bleeding like the proverbial pig.

Now i get it! This is Neon Genesis Evangelion: Pink Floyd Version!

That means La Parka is actually a Crazy Diamond and there will be no money!

"What am I doing?" Shinji smirked one more time.

"Curse my regimented upbringing!"

 "Don't you get it?

"MEEEEEEE!"

"I am not kidding. Well, boys and girls, move your butts and go. Get out of the classroom! And take this parody on sensei with you. NOW!"

Shinji seems to be mad about school system of Japan and now wants everyone move to the big blue bubble in the middle of the nowhere.

All 9 students stood and three boys came to the teacher. They had no idea how they would be able to carry him out of the classroom. The man was really fat and heavy.

GABE NEWELL!

Two of the boys were Shinji's friends but that was obvious for them that their friendship meant nothing for the boy with the gun right now.

OF COURSE IT DIDN'T! STOP STATING THE OBVIOUS! WHEN ARE THE COPS COMING?

Having this choice between "leave and live" and "stay and die" 4 girls joined the boys. The girls believed that Shinji - and his gun - will stay in the room, so the sooner a student leave it the longer he or she will live.

THERE IS A FREAKING GUN SEQUENCE HAPPENING! THERE ARE CAMERAS FOR THINGS LIKE THESE! CALL THE FUCKING COPS ALREADY!

And it looks like the girl were right. When the seven students took their teacher and left Shinji didn't follow them. He looked at two girls who still were inside.

*Suddenly, a sex scene*

4.
'God, thank You, Rei-chan is here' with that thought Shinji glared at Asuka:
"What are you waiting for, Reds? Get out!"
"No way, baka! I am not scared of you!"

Why Those silly Americano's always think Japanese people insult people with the word baka? I know it means stupid, but Japs are people too, that's why the word "Kusottare" exists.

Although Asuka's catchphrase was "What are you, stupid?". But he doesn't say it every time.
Kusottare is good enough.

"You should be." Shinji smiled to Ayanami, "as for you, I am glad you are here..."
"WHAT?" the hitler-girl interrupted him.

What a fancy way to insult german people, are there any images where Asuka is a nazi anyway?

We need "Asuka is Informed"-videos to replace the Hitler ones. Seriously.

"You mean, you did it just because you want to stay alone with Wonder Girl in the classroom? BAKA!"

These days Baka is only used by otaku people against trolls.

 'Does that idiot have any brain in her skull? To call a man with gun 'baka' does not serve for her life.' Shinji sighed:

I've got to agree with Shinji. And he's got a gun.

"Yes I did this because I need to talk with Ayanami-san in private. Happy now, Asuka? Get lost."

"No, I will not let you..."
"I am not going to hurt Ayanami, okay? Leave us alone. I won't kill her."

Sounds like Tommy Wiseau for some reason.

"I don't care about the doll! I will not let you die. Idiot! What do you think our classmates do right now? They are calling police."

FUCK THE TOMORROW POLICE!

"What will you do when S.W.A.T. come for you?"

WHATCHU GONNA DO, WHEN ASUKA AND THE BAKAMANIACS, RUN WILD ON YOU!

"No one will come, stupid girl. GET OUT!"

Sounds like Jasper from 2011, plus capitals and symbols.

And now Asuka saw her own destiny in Ikari's eyes. She saw it clear and crystal if she says something right now (no matter what: "hello", "I love you", "baka") Shinji will send dozens bullets in her head. Asuka looked at Rei hoping the Wonder Girl would do something.

DANCE, DANCE BOTH OF YOU!

And the albino did.

And more insulting! This fanfic is more rude than Married......With Children!

She came to Shinji.
Rei Ayanami stopped near the boy and asked:
"Who are you?"

Oh Rei you're just one successful troll.

Asuka didn't believe in what she just heard. What a stupid question! But to her surprise Shinji smiled and said:
"I knew that of all people you were the only one who could guess."

I.
AM.
OVERMIND BATMAN BEOWULF IRON MAN THE GAME SHINJI FUCKING IRAK IKARI

What a... Is he not Shinji?
Asuka looked at him with the best of her attention. It looked like Shinji. No doubts it was Shinji Ikari, the Third Child.

Unless it was La Parka, the master of disgussion and games and sack of bones.

Shinji (Shinji?) sighed:
"Well, Ayanami-san, would you like me to explain everything in private?"
"I want Pilot Soryu to listen your explanation with me if that is acceptable for you."
"Fine. Hey, Redhead, you may stay."
"I don't need your permission, you idiot."

Last line sounds like typical Giantess Collager.

'That's it' the boy thought. 'I am so sick of this witch.'
He shot right in the red-haired girl's forehead. The dead body fell on the floor and the boy said to Rei:
"Looks like that was UNacceptable for me."
"I see."

What? Somebody gets killed and Rei is like "I See?". In my fantasies you weren't so heartless!

Also in my fantasies doesn't have bitch Asuka.

Or Shinji with a Gun.

Also what a way to kill guest star! I'm telling to Hideaki Anno!

5.
"Man, I am really scared." They boy shook his head. "Fine, let's start. Rei... um... suppose commander Gendo Ikari was shot by major Misato and suppose that happened in his office... um... and suppose a year later you enters the office - and it is the same date, the 25th of November- and sees the commander. He is alive but when you say something like you are so happy to see him alive, he doesn't understand you. He says that of course he is alive and how could he not. Can you suppose that situation, Ayanami-san?"

"Affirmative."

What in the bloody hell they're talking about? Suddenly Shinji gone nice, Misato killed Gendo. (Didn't it go backwards?)

"Good news." The boy smiled but the smile vanished really fast:
"So, how do you explain it? Why is Gendo alive and doesn't know that he was killed? And before you answer: no, he is not a clone who doesn't have memory of its original. See? NOT a clone."

So Shinji gone bullshit crazy because his father didn't know that he was supossed to be dead and 304th law of united Nations say "Dead Must Stay Dead!"
Don't break the law to follow the law.

Man, that sounds like the new Judge Dredd quote.

"I do not have any explanation then."
"Oh come on, I know you do, Rei-san."
The girl nodded:
"Negative. What I would think can not be considered as a solution for your riddle."
"Just tell me!"

"Any supernatural thing. A shipskinner, a doubler, a ghost,.."
"Stop. So, it is a ghost. Ghost who doesn't know that he is dead."

Now i realized the point of this fanfic.
This was written by Fuzzy chicken who wants to troll Evangelion fans by making nonsense-making and random story that is supossed to mock NGE's weird plot.

If you want to mock nonsense-making plot, write an Anti-Homestuck fanfic.

The boy kept silence for a minute or two and said:
"If you explained him that would he believe you?"

Just call the Ghostbusters already.

"I don't know. On the one hand, according to mythology a ghost who thinks it is alive will never believe in opposite information. On the other hand, the commander knows that I always tell him truth so he would has no choice but to believe me. He would think that he is alive and as a living person he would knew I told the truth."

Well, go tell this guy is dead and nobody wants to see him anymore.

"You mean that depends on what would be dominated personality in him: a ghost or the commander?"
"Yes, I do."
"And what does dominate in you right now?"

If this Fuzzy Chicken goes even crazier i will give up.

6.
The blue-haired girl glared at the boy and saw sadness on his face:
"I am sorry but I do not understand your question."
"Remember, I said Asuka that no one would come? I said it because... Rei-san, I AM so sorry... I mean... Well, I am Shinji Ikari's son. I am 15, so today is not the 26th of November, 2015. Today is the 26th of November, 2038. There was an accident in this school 23 years ago. An explosion and fire then. Forty five pupils as well as sixteen teachers, two janitors and five white rats from biology room died."

What? So that's why Shinji, i mean Shinji Ikari Jr. would go crazy?
Alright, if this story also features evil space cowboys, Dutch ballerina's and appearance by La Parka, i'll give up. I can hold the sex fanfics but not crazy ass Fuzzy Chicken trollfics.

Their eyes met themselves and all Rei could see was truth and sorrow. The boy kept talking:
"Well, as for the war. When you died commander Ikari activated your clone. The third clone'd been killed by the sixteenth angel and the commander activated yet another clone. The clone and my father stopped the last angel then SEELE sent army to destroy NERV. My grandpa was trying to use your clone for the Third Impact (oh, by the way, that was your last clone - Dr. Akagi killed them all). But..... so, thanks to my father and to your clone, Lilith gave people their second chance. But people, who died before the Impact has begun, didn't get their lives back. Most of them were reborn and some of them decided to be in the LCL ocean. And some of them... they are like..."
"Like me" Ayanami finished his sentence.

Did this just make sense? I know it didn't made sense for you who didn't watch Evangelion AKA Fuzzy Hens.

"Y... Yes. Ghosts in trap. They are doomed to spend their last day and die again and again and again."
The boy became a bit more nervous but managed to say his next monologue with no sign of any hesitation:

Damn it, it's starting to make sense! Goodbye!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: When song got Wings! Part 1

Alright, the next fanfic seems stupid, first of all, it's a Vocaloid Fanfic written by FINN.


Finnish Vocaloid fans exist??? What's next? American who likes films made in Middle-East? South Korean who likes DKC Cartoon? Black guy who likes "Gone With The Wind"?

Anyways let's stop being racist. And let's move on to fanfic written by Zukkini, which is written in Finnish and only i can understand it out of you guys ha ha fuck you.

Miku's P.O.V

I was reading the lyrics. I was ready to throw up. The words were really "syrup-ish"

 I thought Miku was all about love and creepy monotone voice? Or was it GLaDOS?

"Isn't this too much?" I told at one of the lyricwriters of Yamaha

What is Yamaha? Sounds more like Hawaii than Japanese.

"Well that's nothing. Just good enough for you," I got as an answer.

My posture crashed, but i started to train.

Hi. I am Miku Hatsune from Vocaloid 2. Nice to meet you. I was just created. I got my voice from Japanese Saki Fujita. As you can see, i am training for my new song.Vocaloid

2?? Isn't she from Vocaloid 1? You know, those stupid clones came in Vocaloid 2 i believe.

After the training there was a lunch break. They told me that i would meet other Vocaloids. Then i got totally excited. What kind of people they might be? Girls? Boys? Small? Tall?

Two last words are funnier in Finnish.

I stept into the canteen
"There is a lot of people!" I whooped. Part of them were the workers of Yamaha

What the HECK is Yamaha? I thought this was Vocaloid!

I fastly took something on light-blue tray. I looked for association. I started to walk towards one group.

And they were BLACK Y'ALL!

I wonder why they haven't made black vocaloid yet. UTAU's don't count, because they suck.

"This is completetly unfair" said one pink-haired girl, who had a bow on her head.

Evil Mixture of Luka Megurine and Rin Kagamine??

"I guess that's not anything special" said one boy, who hate ice cream

Of course they had to tell what he EATS, and not what he looks lik...wait a minute

Eats Ice Cream?

EATS ICE CREAM???

It's La Parka!!! You son of a bitch! First you raped Mike Hassumair's girlfriend and now walk into Finn's stupid fanfic?? Damn it! I should've read this before so i would know you would appear in this story! Fuck you, La Parka! Fuck You!

 Great, first we have Yamaha and now we have La Parka. What's next?

I kind of hesitated but i said:
"Can i join?"
"Len! Don't play with food!" One lady in red upbraid -Sure, she smiled at me.

I wish joining into an internet group would be easy as that. But no, you get always badmouthed by some 4chan-veteran, in this group's case, La Parka.
Also Len? Len Kagamine? Japanese Justin Bieber? That guy who Negau-Chan used to love? Even the writer seems to hate him!

I sat next to that gril who had a bow
"What is so unfair?" I asked.
"Meiko's and Kaito's voices will be taken to the market!" Girl shouted and bite a sandwich.

Who is Meiko and Kaito? They seem sisters because they have name that rhymes.
If i checked right, Meiko seems to be a human version of Courtney Gears and Kaito is, well, typical bishounen. 

"Is it really a miracle, as they are from the first series, and you from the second?" beautiful woman with pink hair said.

Well Miku seems lesbian if she calls a lady beautiful, or then she has equality standards.

"Who are you, anyway?" asked the ice cream eating man.

CORRECTION: La Parka doesn't care about other people's names. He simply kills, or rapes.

"Hatsune Miku, from the second series" I introduced myself.                             "Kagamine Rin, a bow-girl said.                                                                                  "Kagamine Len, boy next to the Rin said, and moved peas to the other side of dish.
-"Sakine Meiko"
-"Shion Kaito".                                                                                                        "Megurine Luka", pink-haired girl said.

I cut a piece of meat.
"By the way, what the market launch of the voices mean?"
"Voices will be announced as simply put." Kaito said and munched waffles.

What are Kaito and Meiko doing there anyway? I thought that pink-haired girl with bow was jealous? And when the UTAU invasion happens?

After lunch there was a free stuff to do. We all hold training together and tried a variety of duos. We had to ask for more songs, because we got tired of the old ones.

In my opinion, all the Vocaloid songs are boring. I would like to see Miku singing "Welcome To The Jungle" damn it!

Later in the day there was a news report that presented the latest Vocaloids. In addition to me Rin, Len, Luka and one Megpoid introduced themselves. Megpoid came up to me later.

"Hello. You Probably know who I am. Call me Gumi, he held out his hand".

 Who is Megpoid? Is she/he some kind of dinosaur? That would give this story new impact!

"Hello. Nice to meet you. You can call me Miku-sama", i shook Gumi's hands.
-"Miku-SAMA?"
"No-no. Joke, joke!"                                                                                                             "I shocked already!" Gumi laughed.

What's wrong with "Sama"? In Finnish it means "same".

In the evening, when I was just going to bed, Rin knocked on my door.
-"Miku-oneesan, you want to come for a sleepover?" Rin almost jumped for joy."Sleepover? Well, sure," i accepted.

I would invite Miku for a sleepover, if she accepts to have sex with me.

Rin had got chips and soda from. Len brought a Playstation and a few fun games.
-I've heard that Vocaloid will become a game! Len enthused.
And I've heard rumours that you will become perhaps the most popular Vocaloid ever!, Rin said.

Where did they heard that?

To know everything, you must give up everything.

-"Huh? Me? How is that possible, I'm only a newcomer" I was wondering, while focusing on accuracy games.
-Yes, Len said too.

 Later, when Len had left the room, Rin found me a mattress, which we placed together.
-Is Len nice brother, I asked.
-Yes, Rin nodded and smiled. -Yes, he is sometimes a little bit silly, but kind and funny.
-I wish I would have a brother, I said quietly.
-Of course it would be possible. It may be that you'll be developed in a boy version.
-Really? I wondered. -That would be fun.

Ladies and Gentlemen, i present to you.
AUTOTUNE.

We had fallen asleep with Rin in early morning. The next day, I woke up before Rin. I wondered first where I was. I started to think about what Rin had said yesterday. The boy version of me ... I thought. Rin thought that I still slept. He came to tickle me.
-Rin! Stop it! I laughed. It was wonderful to be a Vocaloid.

It's wonderful to be overrated MIDI Replacement bitch!

Who is boy Miku anyway? Is that some kind of rule 63? Nah, it's a fan thing anyways.

What will happen next? Find out Later! 

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction: The End Of Boredom!

OHMIGOSH ITS THURSDAY ALREADY!

I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY DIGIMON FANFIC YET!

But anywho, here's another edition of Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner! Which is:

"The End of Boredom?" No, that's not End Of Evangelion fanfiction from Hideaki Anno's P.O.V.

This is, Andrew HussieXLauren Faust.

...
......
......... 
Excuse me, what?

Now let me get this straight. Their both creations are popular, but SHIPPING them is only for mad fanboys/girls from tumblr!
Though, that somehow fits. Because Faust is depressed drug addict and Hussie is, according to Guinness World Records, person who has bought the most porn ever? (1,034,234,100 dollars if i remember right) So Catholic Church hates them both.

Also i hate them both....

Anyways, let's move to our fanfic, where Lauren Faust writes a Valentine Card to Andrew Hussie, and it's written by SiFi270.

"Mister Hussie?" Ms. Paint, the classiest artist in all of Prospit, knocked gently on the door. "There's a letter for you. It seems to be a Valentines card."

And story of course has to be started with a stupid HomeStuck word!

"Valentines!" Andrew Hussie rubbed his hands together in excitement. "What a day! Ms. Paint, do 
you know what's so special about Valentines for me?"

Also Ms. Paint? That's the second most ridiculous name pun i've ever seen! Also why is Andrew excited about Valentine Cards? It could be from some crazy fangirl who wants him to send his sperm to her so she could make herself and her sister pregnant?

 "What is it, Mister Hussie?" She tilted her head.
"It's the one day I bring my characters closer together instead of killing them off!" He declared proudly. "Show me the card!"

Well this writer at least showed ONE truth about Hu-Say.

Ms. Paint nodded as she produced a pink envelope decorated with stars, hearts, and horseshoes. Andrew accepted the letter and opened it.

Don't open! It might contain link to Tumblr!

"Huss." He read aloud. "Meet me in Princess Celestia's castle in Canterlot at 3PM. Hoping to see you very soon, L F." He put the letter down. "L F? What do those letters have to do with DNA? What kind of awful fantroll is...

What kind of awful fantroll?

100% of fantrolls are awful!

" He paused, reaching once more for the letter. "Celestia... Canterlot... Very soon? Ms. Paint, do you know what this means?"
"That equines will haunt you forever?" She guessed.

Hahahahahahahaha... Last RAW was funnier than that.

"No, I already worked that one out long ago." He said. "It means that my fanbase and the brorses are going to be very upset. To Canterlot!"

Brorses? The writer doesn't know ANYTHING about bronies! Also nice way ruining Camelot, Lauren!

---

Lauren Faust paced nervously back and forth as she waited for her guest.
"Is something wrong, mother?" Celestia approached her with a worried look on her face. "You've been like this for an hour now. I haven't seen you this nervous since... Well, since you started on this show!"

She's a drug addict! She is used to be nervous! Also what is a fictional pony doing there? Lauren is heavy on drugs, i see.

"What time is it?" Lauren asked hastily.

IT'S ADVENTURE VADER PAY HORRIBLE SLASH TIME!

 "Do I look humanoid or equine right now? Where's Andrew?"
"It's... Half past two..." Her daughter answered. "You look equine, and... Andrew?" Her pupils narrowed until they were the size of pin-pricks. "Oh... Oh no... Mother, you didn't!"

"Oh yes i did! And i also invited Gabe Newell!

"Surprise!" Andrew barged through the front door. "This had better be important. I was in the middle of making the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Thanksgiving Special!"

"prother pass the trukey"
"no"
"AAGAGSGVCSVCVHASJAABRAFSHAJ"

IMAGE RELATED

"Andrew!" Lauren ran excitedly towards him. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see you! I have something very important to tell you."
"I'm... Half an hour early..." He noted. "So what is it?"

"I want your sperm so i can make me and my sister pregnant."

"Andrew..." Her voice lowered down to a whisper. "I... I love you, Andrew. Will you be my very special somepony this Hearts and Hooves day?"

...

Andrew raised his left hand and wiggled his fingers. "There may be a problem with that..."
"You mean..." Tears began to form in Lauren's eyes. "You won't...?"
"Well, I..." He nervously scratched his head.

"I've got something to tell you" Andrew said.
"What?" Lauren said with an extremetly sad voice.

IT'S ME LAUREN! IT WAS ME, ALL ALONG, LAUREN!

THE END

Just then, Lauren's despair caused Discord to break out of his stone prison.
"Ha-ha!" He cried triumphantly. "After another thousand years I'm free! It's time to bring about the end of the universe!"

And then writer didn't had any idea what to write and added a stupid overrated villain

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "But it hasn't even been a thous..."
Just then, the universe ended. And, as you'd expect, Lord English arrived as a result.
"WHAT A PEACEFUL UNIVERSE THIS HAS BEEN." He bellowed. "I INTEND TO GO BACK AND CHANGE THAT." His massive Cairo Overcoat transformed into two halves of a sarcophagus, both of which joined together around him before disappearing into the past.
"Oh, what an idea!" Discord clapped his hands excitedly as he too began to disappear. "I am so there!"
Celestia's eyes burned with rage. "Oh, now look what you've done!" She chastised. "I suppose now you expect me or the Elements of Harmony to go out there and fix this. Well, allow me to be the first ever in Equestria to say; Fuck that! You and my mother are going back in time and you're going to fix this together! Do you understand?"

What...

"Waaaaaaaay ahead of ya." Andrew jumped onto Lauren's back and pointed straight ahead. With a reluctant nod, she flew in that direction. Upon reaching 80MPH, she began to leave a trail of flaming rainbows behind her, and as soon as she hit 88, the two disappeared completely, leaving naught but a Sonic Rainboom to signify that they were ever there to begin with.

AND THEN THOUSAND KILLER ROBOTS CAME AND KILLED DISCORD! BUT DISCORD INVITED THE POWER RANGERS!! *Glass Shatters*
JIM ROSS: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
AND BEFORE AUSTIN COULD STUN THE SIXTH RANGER SLENDERMAN CAME AND ATE ANDREW HUSSIE.
THEN BEAR ZOMBIE CYCLONE HEAD NICHOLAS CAGE CAME AND FOUGHT GODZILLA AND CAPTAIN QWARK CAME WITH Q-FORCE AND THEY FOUGHT EVIL POWER RANGERS WHICH WERE CONTROLLED BY CTHULHU. BUT ONE OF THE KILLER ROBOTS HYPNOTIZED HIM AND HE TURNED INTO *pause breath* A PHILOSOPHER'S STONE AND HARRY POTTER USED IT TO KILL CAPTAIN QWARK'S AIRSHIP AND SWEET BRO DIDN'T PASS THE TURKEY, MICHAEL COLE RAPED HEIDENREICH AND...
*faints*

---

"So do you have a plan?" Lauren asked. "I'm fairly sure our author powers alone won't be able to stand up against those two."

Just invite your angry fanbois and they love and tolerate the fuck out of 'em!

"Do I have a plan?" Andrew began to laugh hysterically. "Do I have a plan? Do I have a plan? Do I havNo. No I do not. How about you?"
"I was thinking we could defeat them using the power of love..." She sighed. "But that doesn't seem very likely to work given the circumstances."
"Lauren Faust!" His eyes widened. "Are you saying that I am incapable of love? That is just so untrue! Why, I'm the lovingest person ever! Just ask anyone!"

Yes, ask those 1000 fangirls Hussie raped. And Avery Petrie, but he's gay! That explains everything!

---

Elsewhere, Ryan North finished the latest episode of Dinosaur Comics and sighed loudly.

And somewhere Fortan was puking because this story sucked.

---

"Listen here..." He demanded. "We are going to stop these two, and we are going to stop them using the power of love, and we are going to stop them using the power of love between you and me."
Lauren grew teary once more. "You... You really mean...?"
"You're welcome." He smiled.

And Andrew Hussie ripped Damien Sandow off ONCE AGAIN.

And with that, they finally arrived in the past. Or rather, what was left of it.
"YOU ARE ALREADY TOO LATE." Lord English bellowed. "DISCORD AND I HAVE TORN THIS WORLD TO SHREDS, AND YOU TWO ARE NEXT."

YOU ALSO SOMETHING IMPORTANT!

"Oh, are we next?" Andrew climbed off Lauren's back and assumed a fighting stance. "Are we next? ARE WE NEXT? No."

Now i know where those "No."'s came from! I should've knew it was a HomeStuck meme!

"You're next, Lord English." Lauren's horn began to glow. "You and that freak over there. You two are going down."
"Oh, please..." Discord waved his hand dismissively. "What could you two possibly hope to do to us? You have no weapons! No defenses! No plan!"

"Don't worry" Hussie said. "We've got an AIRBAG"




That makes anyone, even Hussie look badass!

"And doesn't that scare you to death!" Andrew grinned. "Lauren Faust?"
"Yes, Andrew Hussie?" She displayed a similar grin.
"...I love you."
Discord's pupils narrowed until they were the size of pin-pricks. "Oh... Oh no..."
"They didn't..." Lord English breathed.
"We're just about to!" Andrew turned around and began to move closer to Lauren, who immediately realized what he had in mind. Before either Discord or Lord English could comprehend what was happening, the two were engaged in sloppy makeouts.
Moments later, both Discord and Lord English were nothing more than statues.

They were like me, the worst nightmare came up true. Meanwhile Gabe Newell had sex with Notch.

Lauren finally broke away for air. "Andrew, that was incredible!" She declared. "We just saved the multiverse by making out!"
"Who cares about the universe?" He dismissed. "We're each other's very special someponies now! We can do anything!"
The two stared awkwardly at one another for a while.
"So..." She tried to scratch her head, only to remember that she was still in equine form. "You said you were working on a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Thanksgiving Special?"
"Oh yeah, that!" He laughed. "I was thinking, maybe, Sweet Bro eats too much turkey, and so the next few panels show him expanding until he's larger than the earth itself, and then it... Just kind of ends. I dunno."

NO! DON'T MAKE SWEET BRO BIGGER THAN EARTH! THAT'S GIGA-SAKURA'S JOB!

And then Hussie and Faust made everyone to hail their creations, and also they recruited Vince McMahon, who cancelled NFL seasons. And everyone laughed.

THE END. 

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Co rner: Daddy Dearest!

Sorry, No Fortan Reviews Crap today. Mainly because i can't find any crap i should review.

Instead i give you a second Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner, whose main target of mocking was requested by Niall "Jasper" Passmore.

What?

 If it''s requested by Jasper himself it MUST be bad, and this isn't any fanfic, this is HOMESTUCK fanfic.

"Daddy Dearest", also known as "John Loves His Daddy" written by HannaFalkCross.

John is a good boy. And he loves his daddy. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! This is a joke fic, purposefully written badly! I'm happy if you enjoy it, I'm thrilled if it makes you laugh, but please, PLEASE, don't take this seriously.

Well i've gone to Tumblr and people seem to take this shit seriously.

I'm going to review this in "serious" mood.

 Daddy Dearest
John is a good boy.
And he loves his daddy.

Sounds like a nursery rhyme, why didn't they included it in "Kiddy Korner"

And this story has been accepted by Aloysius Pig from *BA-DUM* the network!

John loves making his daddy happy.
He always makes good grades in school so his daddy will smile and pat him on the head.

I would also love making my daddy happy.

If he wasn't asshole for like, 24/7 or something.

 He learned to bake even though he hates cakes so his daddy would praise him and give him hugs.

PRAISE THE LORD EGBERT! Daddy seems to be Laestadian...
Also why John hates cakes? Just because Andrew Hussie also does?

He never uses bad words and is always polite so his daddy gives him kisses

But he seems to drop ridiculous amounts of blood anyway.

John loves how his daddy still lets him sit in his lap.
And he loves how his daddy's arms hold him close, all snug and warm.

John, that is not your daddy! That's Uncle Steve!

Uncle Steve seems to grow backwards

John loves how his daddy undresses him for bathtime.
And he loves that he's allowed to undress his daddy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 John loves sitting in the bathtub with his daddy.

Daddy loves to grab John's Tweeny-Weeny! "Oooooh that feel's gooooooooooood" Daddy says.

 And that his daddy is careful to wash him everywhere.

Including his Tweeny-Weeny.

He loves how his daddy wraps him in a big fluffy towel and picks him up.
And he loves how his daddy lays him very gently on his bed.

Sounds bawdy? I don't care!

John loves when his daddy kneels over him and starts gently touching him, carresing him.
And he loves the soft murmurs of encouragement he gets when he moans softly, like a mewling kitten.

Okay, this is starting to suck even if it was a JOKE FANFIC

He loves when his daddy gently spreads his legs, hands so gentle like he's afraid he'll break John.
And he loves when his daddy's slick fingers press inside of his little hole, finding this little spot that makes him shudder and mewl and vision go white.

At least we now know why John is white! And why his daddy doesn't have a face!

John loves how his daddy gently strokes his small cock as he pulls his fingers out.

AND THEN AMY KILLED EVERYBODY

And he's careful to take deep breaths like his daddy says, keeping himself relaxed.
John has no problem relaxing and even smiling softly as his daddy presses the head of his cock to his stretched hole; he knows it hurts a little at first, it always does.

I think Aloysius has commited a suicide....

 But John trusts his daddy, and his daddy never hurts him on purpose.

Expect in this case.

And it does hurt, and John clenches his daddy's shoulders, trying not to cry.
And his daddy softly murmurs what a good boy he is and strokes him gently, rubbing his sides and back where he can reach to comfort John.
His daddy waits, patiently still, until John has adjusted and is nodding to move.
And his daddy thrusts into him, soft and slow.
Until John starts mewling and squirming, pressing the softest kisses to his daddy's cheeks and neck, then his daddy thrusts a little faster, and just a little harder.

"Mewling" and "Squirming"? Now i know why this fanfic is bad! It has too many words that Tumblr-users can't understand.

And he hits that little spot again, and John arches up into his daddy's touch.
And his daddy keeps up his steady pace, stroking John in time, until John clenches his hands again, moaning loudly as he 'cums' (as his daddy calls it).
His daddy shudders and kisses him lightly, as he cums inside of John, which feels warm and wet but nice.
John falls limp on his bed, giving a small, weak mewl as his daddy pulls out of him.
His daddy cleans him up with the towel from his bath, and kisses his forehead, and tells John that he did good, and he loves him.

"I love you, i don't have a wife, so i keep doing my inside desires onto you my son."
And thus we proved John is a test tube baby.

And John smiles up at his daddy, as sweetly as he can manage, and tells his daddy that he loves him too, before yawning softly and kittenishly, rubbing at his eyes.
His daddy tucks him snuggly into bed, brushing his hair back and kissing his forehead again, whispering goodnight.

.If we skip the raping part, we could make it a good nursery rhyme. BUT NO!

John whispers goodnight back, and his daddy leaves, turning off his light and closing the door.
John snuggles down in his bed, soft little fingers curling gently in his sheets as he drifts off to sleep with only one thought in his head;
He loves his daddy.

And this "joke" fanfic stereotyped not-only Pedophiles, but also homosexuals ONCE AGAIN!

This story was bad, and the creator of it should feel bad. I don't even... I've never.... what the....

Alright, i will never look at the HomeStuck, no, entire MSPA same way again, EVER.

I don't even want to know what Hussie's reaction is.

And by this we proved Hussie steal from Damien Sandow before he even existed.