Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: My Pokephilia Orgy

Before we make fun of this fanfic, i've got something to say.

I've ran out of ideas for fanfics to review,so i need your suggestions to get more..
But, this is our next fanfic i've officially decided to review... POKEPHILIA ORGY!

Yes, i haven't reviewed any Pokemon fanfics, and those are one of the worst after MLP, HomeStuck and Naruto.

Let's see how this mess begins...

Meet Shaun. He is a pokémon trainer who's lost in the woods (which he was expecting as he almost always gets lost), but he's about to have something unexpected happen to him.

One day he fell into a hole after chasing a funny rabbit with a clock.

I had just got done swimming in a lake deep in the woods (truth be told I had gotten lost and just ended up finding a lake so I decided to take a break from being lost).

So this is an author avatar? Oh geeze.

I was watching my meganium, persian, pikachu, rapidash, houndoom, and typhlosion playing on the shore

All Furry Icons? Check, expect Meganium
All Probably Female? Check
All "hot"? Check
All pre-3rd generation? Check

Man, that team sucks, where are Ninetales, Gardevoir, Milotic, Lapras and Wait, am i telling this guy what Pokemen he would use in his orgy? Fuck my life.

while I got out dripping wet and naked (yes I was skinny dipping)

WE DON'T CARE!

when typhlosion came over to me and started licking my member (which in turn made me hard).

STOP IT YOU, YOU ARE NOT A DOG!

–whoa typhlosion what are you doing-

Nobody told me Tommy Wiseau is going to play Shaun!

I ask trying to push him away

YOU... LITTLE TURD!

but, he just continues and it just starts to fell so good so I just let him keep going and then I got an idea. –everyone come here I want us to have some fun together-

Like they totally understand him...

-What do you want- meganium asked

-Yeah we were already having fun- said Persian

 SHUT UP I'M ALREADY DEAD

-Yeah- said pikachu
-Well since we were already having fun maybe he has something else planed- said houndoom

Never Forget The Fact That Americans Are Dildos, when They Blame Muslims From Everything And Write Horrible Fanfics. I rest my case.

-Ok what did you have in mind Shaun- asked rapidash
Well I was thinking of having us a little orgy so how about it
That sounds awesome everyone replied

Then Shaun woke up from his pile of unpayed taxes with his student roommates.

Ok so then let's get started ok now let's see typhlosion you get over here and ill anal you, now pikachu you can get on typhlosion and ill suck your dick, houndoom you fuck me in the ass, rapidash you and persian can 69 and meganium you can do whatever you want ok go and on go everyone got where they were supposed to be.

"What about the condoms? Did you remember the condoms? I don't want to give you Poke-Human abominations again!"

I started with typhlosion by slipping my dick slowly into his hot pleasureful ass getting a moan or two from him, next was pikachu who put his dick in my mouth right before getting poked by typhlosion

Actually, those Pokemen were actually his gay friends dressed up as Pokemen.

and letting a squeak out as his ass was being penetrated, then houndoom came over and got into position and slowly started to insert his dick into my vacant hole which made me give a muffled moan into pikachu's crotch getting a moan from him in the process

These guys moan more than that old man in Creepy Castle Catacombs.

now it was rapidash and persion's turn as they got down and started licking each other's dripping wet pussy's both becoming a moaning wreck and as they were doing this meganium came over and started to anal rapidash only causing her more pleasure.

Wait! There is one thing wrong! You forgot to give pleasure to Shaun!

Pikachu was the first to go as I got my mouth filled with cum and started pumping typhlosion harder as I was getting close, typhlosion was getting close to as he started to fuck pikachu harder as pikachu all of a sudden came down and collided his tong with mine and we each started to make out with spit and cum (from my mouth) dripping down are cheeks and with that typhlosion came squirting cum all over pikachu's ass and my stomach and right after that houndoom finished filling my insides with cum and squirting some out that had escaped my ass, with all this I was on the verge my hips turning to a blur and I went as deep as I could into typhlosion squirting every last bit of cum I could into his ass and getting a long and powerful moan from typhlosion.

TL;DR: Cum harder pump spit harder down down squirting cum cum filling cum cum ass squirting cum spit.

Persian was almost ready to cum, her and rapidash as they buried there tongs as far as they would go into their sexes and all at once they squirted all over each other's faces and mouths taking the time to clean as much of the juices as they could as meganium was pumping faster and faster until he let out a big moan along with rapidash as he shot his seed deep into her ass.

The Next day, Proferssor Oak was terrifyed.

-well did all of you find that fun- I asked
-oh yes- everyone answered
-ok then who's ready for round two-

NOT ME

Everyone just smiled and waited for their directions.
Ok let's see um pikachu I want a go at you, houndoom you can stand on top of me and ill suck your dick, typhlosion you can fuck Persian anyway you want, meganium you and rapidash can lick at my dick while I'm going at pikachu ok let's get started then.

Why can't they go like "What did you say?"

Pikachu came over and got in position and I pushed him down on my long dick and he let out a moan then houndoom came over and got in positions as I put his dick in my mouth and he went for pikachu's, typhlosion didn't spare any time to go at Persian going from her ass to her pussy taking double shots, meganium came over and started licking the anal juices coming from pikachu and rapidash did the same as I started moving pikachu who was in awe at how good he felt at the moment. I was getting close and so was houndoom as he launched his seed into my mouth and down my throat and I started to move pikachu faster which only made him feel that much better and then I came in him as he let out a moan and I lifted him off me as he gave houndoom his surprise right into his mouth, typhlosion had gone to just fucking Persians pussy and she has already cummed once and was on the verge as was typhlosion and when persian did her juices squirting everywhere and her pussy convulsing around typhlosion's dick made him soot his seed into her and fill her right up.

TL;DR: I don't know either what's happening, dude.

Ok know let's try something different

"Ok i go to jail while all of you are sterilized sent to free nature where no human will ever catch you again"

-Time for round three-
Persian get on my cock and rapidash come here my tong has a little present for you, typhlosion, meganium, pikachu, and houndoom you have an orgy amongst your selves with the one on the bottom analing me ok lets go.

That was just a bunch of sex related words spammed together.

Persian got right down on me and rapidash positioned herself facing persian and they started to make out, pikachu got on meganium, meganium mounted houndoom who mounted typhlosion

who mounted Pikachu who mounted Typholison who mounted Rapidash who mounted Persian who mounted the cop near-by and nobody mounted on anyone ever.

and typhlosion stuck his huge dick into my ass hurting me a little, then we started to move and I was in awe at how Persians pussy felt to my dick as I was eating rapidash 

Pokephilia meets Pokevore!

and all the males where grunting as they enjoyed there fun. Rapidash was on the verge and was trying to hold it in but failed and exploded all over me but I didn't care I just cleaned it up and went back to eating her out, Persian was getting there to and erupted her sex juices all over hers and my crotch which got me close to cuming and made me pump faster until I went as far as I could and exploded my seed inside her and it was so much that it started dripping out, her and rapidash got up and went over to my ass to lick at it while typhlosion was going at me harder and harder obviously ready to finish when all at once I could feel his hot cum filling my ass up and squirting out all over his crotch, right after that pikachu finished getting a satisfying moan out of meganium who was getting ready obviously because he was going harder and harder into houndoom when he blew his load and filled houndoom up and after that houndoom launched his seed into typhlosion.

TL;DR: Fuck it.

After we were done and I had gotten dressed I saw Sam a trainer I know and a friend of mine who had a pokénav (lucky for me) and he helped me out of there not having any idea what took place earlier that day even though I will never forget it because it was the first time me and my pokémon had an all out orgy.

Next day Shaun was arrested for Zoophilia and homosexuality and making interspecies pregnant.

All the Pokemen he raped died a horrible death on Viridian City's PokeCenter. And we will never see Shaun ever again.

That was gross, but thank you for reading and remember to vote and suggest!

Dave McDonalds Rants: Dwayne Johnson Is The WWE Champion??? AGAIN???

(Note: Dave McDonalds isn't a real person, or actually he is. But i'm not him)

i saw this shit today and it fucking sucked. seriously, dwayne "the cock" johnson wins wwe championship? it's 2013 when it's the last time he won it? punk held it for almost a fucking year and then dwayne takes it from him with a GIMMICK ELBOW???? get back to movies faggot seriously you're not David Arquette.

THE "ROCK" IS JUST AN OLD GRANDPA!! HERE IN CROATIA WE HAVE OUR GUNS ALREADY!!!!! JUST LIKE WE DID TO STJEPAN MESIC!!! WHY DID FRANDO TUDMAN HAD TO DIE???!!! WHY WE DIDN'T KEEP YUGOSLAVIA!!!! FUCK WORLD AND IT'S PREGATORY!!!!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction: Two Peter Chimaera Fanfics!

Okay, Donkey Dudes. It's time to review another infamously bad fanfiction, expect this time there are more than one! All written by Peter Chimei... i mean, Peter Chimaera! This dude gave inspiration to whole "And Then Jon was a zombie"-Meme. But i dislike both memes and zombies, so let's move on. (I'm still not 4channer though, i don't hate the meme if it's used RIGHT! Zombies in other hand are too mainstream and can be never used right.)

First fanfic by him is "My Litte Ponly: Friendship is Danger!"

So we are going to encouter Swedish Pony-men that are trying to teach us Friendship is dangerous?
Oh, i'm not a brony. So i generally dislike everything about MLP, swallow your hate my friend, swallow it.

So let's review this thing:

Friendship is Danger
Chapter One
Rainbow Dahs woked up and went to at the garden
Hello Rainbow Dash "said " a girl pony who wa named Flyhoof.

You know, at least some fanponies had CREATIVE names.

"OK hello Flyhoof I have never met you at before?"
"No I am a new pony and we have to find Applyjack"

That Pony who spammed the "Apply Now" button? Yeah, that was the hardest boss in the game.
How do exactly Ponies "come" to Ponyville? From what i've seen from Deviantart there must be about googolplex ponies with most of them being expies of famous characters. I guess no world in a place could fit that amount of beings into one place?

First Rainbow Dash went to Applejack's house and they ate a apple pie

Brought to you by Hulk Hogan.

 and then they went to the space base where they had to get ready to go into space

Whoa! What happened? Did i missed something?

"Put on your space suit Rainbow Dash"
"OK"

AND THEN JON WAS A ZOMBIE

And then when they landed on the moon aeverything was okay

Expect this

and they had a picnic but they coudlnt eat because they had to keep their space suits on so it was only a pretend picnic

 YOU GUYS HAVE IMAGINATION LIKE SPONGEBOB!

but while they were gone a hundred disasters happend

You see, the moon crashed on Earth. And when Moon crashes it's one huge disaster, and then under chain reaction hundred other disasters also happen. Animals die, houses get burned, wars and infighting come after it and also possible attacks of Eldritch Abomination.

Yes i'm trying to make sense out of this fanfic, got a problem with that?

"We have to go back to" Flyhoof said. Flyhoof was a pegasaur but she had horn like unicorn but it didnt do anything.

Pegasaur? New dinosaur species has been found by 8-year old fanfiction writer, Pegasaur! They can be live in moon with space suits! And they have a horn like unicorns! They eat Apple Pies so they are herbivores! They became excint way faster than others.

So they went bck to Unietd Equestraland

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Volkoff requests, that you all rise and respect the singing of Soviet national anthem!

and found Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle and the other one and then they went to solve the disasters

The Other One is the best pony.

First they found a corcodile

NOW IN 3 SIZES

 and they kicked its head and it went "Oof"

Like, that Corcodile had no teeth at all right?

and then gave back all the children it ate

And those were HIS OWN CHILDREN. Have you watched animal documents?

and they were fine but it wasn't time to say horay

This makes MLP look bad.

and they had to get to the job deal done if they wanted to solve the rest of the disasters and the crocodile felt bad and offered to help them "My name is Crunch"

"NAMED AFTER MY FAVOURITE FOOD"

 "I am Raindbow Dash and these are my friends" and they all went to find the big tree that was burning down

"MOSES!" Tree said. "HERE'S GOD! YOU MUST FREE THE PEOPLE OF EGYPT AND TAKE THEM TO THE PROMISED LAND!"

so they put out the burning tree

"NO, YOU CAN'T DENY THIS OFFER! I MAY BE A GOD BUT I'M ALSO BILLY MAYS!"

"We have to not go in the forest because it is danger"

"And i don't like German names!"

and they went into the forest and Fluttershy got caught in a beartrap and then she died

THE END.

"Fluttershy is dead oh no"

Did The Cheat direct this?

"OK"

No, i'm definetly sure this is the same person who brought us Waligie.

"We will find a key"

What? Where was i?

"Please of hurrying my leg is very much blood" Fluttershy said with cry

NO! THIS WAS WRITTEN BY TARA GILESBIE! SAME BAD GRAMMAR, SAME RANDOM RECOVERS! AND SAME USE OF BLOOD! I HAVE SOLVED A MYSTERY! NOW GIVE ME NOBEL!

So they found a lumberjack pony who came with axe

 And made sure Fluttershy stayed dead...

and cut the bear trap off but he got lost. Alog the way they solved almost all the other disasters aand then found the lumberjack but he was very sick

Can somebody explain to me what did this say? All i saw was just a bunch of words...

"I was bitten by a poisoned snake" he explared

"That's my brother, Snickers!" Crunch shouted.

"That is nt true you are halucinating and you just got a toad posion"

"That's my sister, Twix!" Crunch shouted.

"But I did not eat a toid"

A name given to a jackass from new york who cant say the words like "thirty" and say it whith a stupidass accent like "toidy".  source: Urban Dictionary.

"It does not matter some toads are poisonosu even if you look at them at their eyes"

Poisonosu is my least favourite Touhou.

Authors note im not sure if this true or not but it s part of tht story

I'm not sure should i facepalm or just laugh.

So the lumberjack was solved of the last disaster and everyone was safe.

What happened? Was it a comet? Or maybe a troll?

but Fulltershy could not talk because she was shot and the blood was everywhere. And then Fluttershy coughed and a hundred blood came out then she went nothing and everyone sadded.

This is the greatest sentence ever written.

One day they will all would learn to live their lifes without Futtershy who was dead.

 One day this artist will learn to write.

This was probably the best worst fanfic i've seen for a while!

But wait! There's more!

The next is: The Simpsons Dinner!

Chapter OIne

What a nice way tOI start the fanfic. I am excited hOIw this will cOIntinue...

Marge had to tell the Homer news. "I am glucky that my sisters are coming over do dinner"

Glucky is Lucky with G accidentally slipped on it. Source: COMMON SENSE

"OH DOH" and he dropped his hammer on foot because he was fixing dog house of Sanas little holper

I am too lazy to explain what is Sana and why he needs Holper.
Also i'm suprised they haven't used Oh D'Oh yet on the real show.

when the big news came and he was so shocked of anger that he dorped it right on his so much toes.

This is the lost episode of Simpsons! Right after Dead Bart! In Couch Gag there is 9/11 joke.

Chapter Two they come over

That was the shortest chapter of all time.

Pass the onions "No, Selma" and Homer ate so many opork chops that he went "I dont feel so good" and ran to the bathroom "Hwere did homer go"

I really need to create a comic version of this. My horrible drawing style will make this look even so-bad-it's-good-kind of better.

 "He went to bathroom dont call your father homer"

Like you didn't even tell who said it... It was that spike-haired bastard who speaks Spanish.

And maggie create suck noise

You don't have to write this, Nobody gives a shit about Maggie.

and shurgged her shoulders because it is all about homers eating too much all the time.

Pretty much every episode is the same these days.

Mr. Burns cammed over and rung the doorbelt.
Marge took off her apron "Ill get it. don't be a hurry" 

Wait, Burns doesn't even know Homer. How does he know that where Sector 7G loser lives?

But turns out at the door it was Mr. Burns!

Like we didn't knew that!

"I am doing off hours performance review and I need to speech to Homer Simpsons or he gets fired"

It's not Mr. Burns! It's Smithers after he married him!

"But he is in bathroom?what a predicament"

Chapter Three Homer has to get his job back
"Mr. Burns I missed performance review but wanted to get my old job back"
"No it is too late I have replaced you with ned F;landers"

DOES NED EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE NUCLEAR REACTOR??! He isn't Homer's rival goddamnit!

"doh"
"Googly doo mr. Homer I am workling at that power plant you work at"
"Ho home flanders"

It's Christmas!

"Okalaydokalry
But he thought it was Mr. Burns telling him and went hom so Dr. Burns had to fire him!

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. And this is my wife, Dr. Burns."

Chapter four
"Hahahahayou lost your job" Homer said to Flanders and Falnders house

Falnders House lost it's job? Too bad for him. I guess the Griffin's House was way more superior on whatever-job-he-did.

where they were having barbeque to celebrate Ned Flanders birthday

Barbeque's and Birthdays are a sin!

"It was a pickle"

Ned Flanders's Secret Episode 4.5

"UR NOT MAD" And homer went home and slamped the door on his foot "not again on my foot" and zelma was still there and laughed at him badly and so did others like bumblebeeman

A/N: Bumblebeeman is my favorate Simson!

also but Peater Graffin did not since hes on a different show.

You mean, Peter Griffin from Family Guy or, Beater Graffin from Mythology Wresslin' Super?

That was bad!

Thankfully i'm not going to review more. But this guy is an obvious troll! I like this! This is the best Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner i've ever written. And really pays for My Immortal and Rape Bandicoot!

Fortan Recommends: The Most Unoriginal Game Of All Time

Brotta Underground! Totally not Mario!
http://sandbox.yoyogames.com/games/211610/download

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: Crash Bandicoot Vengeance

Crash Bandicoot is rumoured to come back anyday after that Vicarious Visions picture, so, why not make a Crash-related Triple-F? I got tired of My Immortal, so let's review a bad Crash fanfic!

As you know, Crash games are awesome, but the character isn't in "that way". So any attempt of trying to turn our retarded Bandicoot into a mature story will fail.

That includes the tries of turning Crash into a Duke Nukem-copy. Those things seriously scare me.

So for today, we are going to review Crash Bandicoot: Vengeance!!! You know the one where Cortex rapes Coco and...
what?
WHAT?

Revenge
Deep within Dr. Neo Cortex's lair, the mad scientist paced the floor thinking of a new way to dispose of his arch nemesis, Crash Bandicoot
"That's It! I've had it with Crash Bandicoot always ruining my plans" Cortex yelled,
drawing the attention of the demonic mask Uka Uka.

That's the circle, what would that look like if there would a game where villains wins? (Homestuck doesn't count. That thing doesn't even have a real plot on it)

"Cortex! What's with all the yelling, I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!" Uka yelled, irritated.

Uka Uka  used to be cool villain until those Traveller's Tales guys fucked up his personality and turned him into a bad boss. Although he looks pretty badass in Radical's games, haters gonna hate.

"I'm trying to think of a new way to destroy that wretched Bandicoot, it seems that no matter what, I always fall short." Cortex lamented.
"What's with your voice, you sound like that baby from Family Guy" Uka noticed.

He said Family Guy, Okay i can stop reading now.

Or hell, i've seen much worse.

"We'll discuss that later, but right now I must find a way to destroy that wretched bandicoot." Cortex said
Cortex's assistant Dr. Nitrus Brio entered the Laboratory at that moment with his creation Ripper Roo, who hadn't been seen in years.

Because his second run in Therapy didn't turn out as good as we hoped.

"Cortex, great news, after years of extensive shock therapy I present to you, the psychiatric expert formerly known as Ripper Roo, Dr. Roo, who I invented!" introduced.

At least the writer used Mind Over Mutant Brio, he's a great character but very underrated because Radicalz scuks!!111

"N. Brio, not now I'm trying to figure out a way to defeat that wretched Crash Bandicoot" Cortex yelled.

Cortex really likes to use wretched, eh?

"Cortex, don't you understand? With his new high level of intelligence, Dr. Roo can be very useful in helping us defeat Bandicoot." Brio pointed out.

Yeah, right... Was Brio blind when Cortex Strikes Back happened? Oh wait, he had fetish for Gems now i remember.

"That is correct, Doctor. For years you have tried to defeat Crash with brute force, however have you ever tried defeating Bandicoot psychologically?" Ripper Roo said, his once insane, maniacal voice was now smooth, classy, and British.

Well, it's hard to tell what he sounds like because all the "talk" Roo ever said was just maniac laughter by late Dallas McKennon.

"Why yes, yes. I've got it, I'll destroy Cortex mentally to the point he'll never recover leaving me able to enslave the Earth." Cortex laughed evilly.

He's trying to destroy himself now? I guess Cortex has the brain of Homestar now.

WELL I AM THE EXACT SAME!

"Quite simple, we kill one thing he loves more than ever" Cortex replied.
"But who will that be?" asked Uka Uka.
Cortex stopped to think for a moment.

"Hmm, that is a challenge. Crunch is partly cybernetic meaning he's practically invincible. 

But you created him!

His fiancé Tawna dated mafia don Pinstripe Potoroo until he was killed in a drive by and hasn't been seen or heard since.

Pinsy is dead! Why can't you kill Tawna, she was hot!

Aku Aku is Uka Uka's twin brother so he's immortal leaving… of course! Crash's younger sister CoCo.

You know this will turn out to be a cheap porn when certain characters name is misspelled.

By God, I'm a genius.

BAW GAWD.

Get ready Crash Bandicoot because I will have my vengeance!" Cortex yelled before laughing evilly.

That would make a good game name...
sadly this is not a game...

It was a normal day on Wumpa beach. Team Bandicoot were relaxing after stopping N. Tropy from changing time to make himself ruler of the universe.

Didn't he tried to do that like... twice?

Crash was sleeping, CoCo was inventing, and Crunch was weight lifting.

Coco was inventing what? Also it's "lifting weight!"

Suddenly they heard something marching towards the hut. Crash, CoCo, Crunch, and Aku Aku went to investigate. Outside were hundreds of Cortex's lab assistant androids.

"Man, and we had to clean!" Crunch whimpered.

"Objective, destroy all Bandicoots" The androids said.

Translated to English: NYEAAAAARGH!

"Ugh, another of Cortex's army. Let's get this over with so I can get back to sleep" Crash said.

Translated to Engli... oh wait, Crash can't speak a proper language. Unless it's Pancakes.

"Crash, has your voice got deeper" CoCo asked.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, WRITER!

"Yeah, I think it was all that smoke I inhaled when I fought inside that volcano." Crash said.

I imagined that sentence with Troy McLure's voice.

"Crash! HELP!"
It was CoCo.
"Crash, CoCo's been kidnapped by Cortex's androids" Crunch informed him.

"Are you bad enough bandicoot to rescue CoCo?"

"Ugh, what the fuck?! Can't Cortex use something else as bait for once, a big, juicy Wumpa fruit pie maybe." Crash complained.

Not only that he speaks, but Crash also curses! Is this the same universe where Crash Bandicoot Retold happened???

"You go save CoCo, me and Crunch'll take care of Cortex's robots." Aku assured Crash.

Ugh, it's "i". Aaargh! Just what i needed! A Porn fanfic written by a foreigner!

After 10 minutes of running, Crash caught up to Cortex, standing atop a mountain top.
"Well, if it isn't Crash Bandicoot" Cortex said, reciting his trademark catchphrase.

Ironically i never heard him say that.

"Cortex, I don't have time for this. Return CoCo, unveil your death trap, let me kick you ass and go home."

Oh, now i get it! He's just bored! Because he hasn't starred in any game since 2009!

"Sorry, Bandicoot but things are going down a little bit differently" Cortex said.
"No, I'm pretty sure I'll beat you and walk out of here alive and well." Crash argued.

Oh god, if Crash is bored, Mario is dying already!

"You might, but can the same be said for your sister" Cortex retorted as he revealed a bound and gagged CoCo. He grabbed her by her throat and held a knife to her neck. 

Knife? That's new!

Crash leaped, but two of Cortex's androids held him back. Crash was shocked that Cortex had sunk so low.
"Cortex, don't, she's only 15! Please, I'll do anything!" Crash begged.

Now you even decide ages of the characters? Ugh!

Also, around the time of MOM, i can guess from her looks she was 22.

"Still a virgin, that's surprising,

Oh god! I can SOOOOO imagine Lex Lang saying that!

I thought a pretty little bandicoot such as your sister would have plenty of partners!" exclaimed Cortex as CoCo struggled, managing to undo her gag.

You don't know how many fan characters there exist???

Seriously, i'm a huge Crash fan but i dislike fan characters unless they're enough Bandicoot-ish. I remember i once created Fake Coco and some other stuff. You know, typical crap...

Crash gritted his teeth in rage hearing Cortex talk about his sister like that. Then Cortex did what Crash never thought Cortex would do. He pulled down CoCo's pants and broke CoCo's barrier, CoCo yelped in pain, yet Cortex paid no attention.

At this point... my childhood died, again.

"Stop! Please, I beg you." Cried CoCo, in tears, she couldn't believe that this was happening.
"Stop! Stop! Sto-op!" CoCo continued to cry.
"You are tight, this pleases me!" cried Cortex.

Oh god, i can imagine that in Lex Lang's voice too!

Coco suddenly went limp, she didn't know why. She wanted to fight back with all her might, but she could bring herself to do it. She just laid there and let Cortex take her innocence, her pride, and her will to live. Meanwhile, Cortex continued to insert himself, in and out of CoCo. Cortex didn't care if CoCo didn't move. He just continued to rape CoCo

And now we have to interrupt this review for notification by independent music maker GigaSurfer, if you please.

Dear Citizens,

Rape Jokes aren't funny.

AND DOWNLOAD MY SONGS DAMMIT!

And that was GigaSurfer's notification, back to the review.

Suddenly, CoCo felt Cortex climaxing inside, yet continued to just lie there. Her spirit was broken , and she no longer cared.

What a cruel way to describe the truth!
That my childhood is dead!

"Unnghn!" grunted Cortex as he finished delivering his seed into the young female bandicoot.

Not only that Cortex raped Coco, he just made himself a zoophile and a furfag. Baaad, baaad Cortex.

Crash just watched, tears streaming down his face. Finally, using all his strength he broke the robots' grip and destroyed them using his spin attack. As he ran towards the cliff Cortex stabbed CoCo and threw her off the side of the cliff. Crash ran and dove, managing to catch her just in time.  
The knife was still in her chest. She was coughing up blood and in critical condition.
"C-Crash" Coco said, slowing dying.
"CoCo, it's all gonna be okay" Crash said as he carefully as he scooped CoCo in his arms and ran as fast as he could.
The young female bandicoot closed her eyes as she breathed her last breath and died.

That... was... depressing...

Oh my god... why did i do this? My childhood wasn't raped by porn, it was raped by... rape

This, is worse than Crash Bandicoot Retold! Whoever wrote this is mentally crazy! I just...AAAGH!
Why didn't i stayed in My Immortal? This fanfic is officially worse than My Immortal in my opinion! Coco lost the meaning of life... when she was raped by one of my favourite villains. AAAAGH! There's also six other chapters. But i'm too horrified to read 'em.

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner: My Immortal Part 2

Ugh, here we go! More bad fanficness! Appareantly This fanfic is so bad and it's new week anyway, so i decide to not insults personally anyone anymore, expect the writer of this of course.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache 

So people swear when they have a headache??? What about you??? You seem to have a headache all the time. Also now i know why Dumbledore's actor died.

ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

They also do drugs, are obviously satanists and Enoby is having very strong despression going on.

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

MOVE BITCH, GET OUT DA WAY! Don't tell me they ran over a grandma too!

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

Vampires don't cry holy shit. This is even worse than Twilight.

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

Well, they are always angry! I'm suprised that Snake didn't kill Dumbledore. (NOTE: I know you will say BUT SNAKE KILLED DUMBLEDORE, but remember that those last three books never existed in my world!)


"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

Shouldn't Snake say that?


"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

Shouldn't McGonagall say that?


And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Shouldn't Leonardo DiCaprio say that?

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Nobody says like that! Oh come on, you should be fired!


Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.
"Yeah I guess." I lied. 

You LIED??? How could you!

I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

There was a robot at the door.

DO WE HAVE POPSTICLES TONIGHT!???

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte.

JUST A CITY BOYYYYYY...oops wrong song.


I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.
We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. 

No dirty sex scene? What kind of shit is this? I'm confused!

Well, moving on to Chapter... six?

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

Why in the hell he can't write as properly as he does in the fanfic itself? I know it's not good either, but at least it's better than this!


The next day I woke up in my coffin. 

Really?

I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

Nobody honestly gives a shit what you wear!

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

REALLY?

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

Hahahaha you deserve it!


"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. 

So he met Sweeney Todd?


He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.

Oh no... don't tell me that's...


He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. 

Like thi... oh you said Joel Madden and not Joel Deaton.

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko

What do you mean Girls can't get erection? I've seen many fanfics where girl gets erection, and those are realistic compared to THIS!

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

Ugh, not again these shy faggots again!


"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.
"My name's Harry Potter LORD HARRY although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

Yo...you....did just...um....rrrrrr...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! YOU FUCKED UP HARRY POTTER! YOU BASTARD! ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE!


"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

Ugh, i can guess Enoby turns into slut and dates both Harry and Draco and it turns out to be a Donald Duck-Gladstone Gadner-like fight expect with more porn and preps.

*sigh* Moving on...

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.

"Thy want to see how does this unholy mess ends, so i post five positive commandments for lulz"

 n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! 

AKA League Of Legends Kids in a nutshell. My brother is one of them. Cry for my family.

Evony 

She's Evony now.

isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!

Nobody's perfect! Not even Satanists! At least we learn that!

 n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Well we do see that.


Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

Yes, the whole story seems like a huge Mary Sue for me.

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

I thought you loved Draco! Damn it!


Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

SEX!


We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. 

I guessed right.

(c is dat stupid?) 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING IN THIS STORY IS FUCKING STUPID!!! HARRY IS SUDDENLY EDWARD CULLEN, HUMAN THINGS EXIST IN WIZARD WORD! EVONY CHANGES HER NAME ALL THE TIME AND EVERYONE HAVE SEX RANDOMLY!

This fails at even being lemonfic, Jesus!

I fail at many things, but i never fail so much i could do fanfic worse than THIS PIECE OF SHIT!

Suddenly, i started to appreciate Avery Petrie's work, a lot!

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

DRACO! YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!

I was so angry.
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

Wha-?


I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. 

Hilarity Ensues.

He had a really big you-know-what

He's got bigger, and he's plenty times cuter anyway. (Image by

*darkly1)

but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

Shhh... his mother is dead.


AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

You can't judge people's style. If they flass your fanfic let them flass.

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

"I'm just a fan of it!"


My friend B'loody Mary Smith

Ugh, these names get stupider and stupider.


smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

Ewwww, gross.

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

Aaagh, don't tell me B'Loody Mary Smith is Hermione. Well, i hated that stupid wiseass bitch anyway... Her actor isn't even that hot!


Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

Where did that Voldemort came from? It's Vlodemrot in this fanfic!

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. 

OH NO! WHAT AN EVIL SURNAME!

(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

So everyone who are satanists are in Slytherin? That's racist!

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

Shouldn't McGonagall say that?

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??? THEY BECAME GAY!???

Everyone gasped.

Everyone are Anti-fags from now on.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)

Excuse me, Who is talking right now??

 for a while but then he broke my heart.


Because he was Lord Harry.

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

But... they're gay! What the heck?

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility 

You used to be a man?

to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. 

Ugh, i can't believe i've survived from this story, but the worst is coming...

Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! 

???

and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

It's not Harry or Vampire, it's LORD HARRY! Biggest shame on this earth since this story.

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Ugh.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.

Who it was? The Guy, Mascot of Disturbed?

It was… Voldemort!

Well, of cour... what? Voldemort has a broom? HAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD THIS GIRL FAILS AGAIN!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. 

Oh my... oh... it's too hard to imagine that, this is just too funny.

I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

Ugh.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

NO SHIT THEY SAID IT

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun.

WHAT?!

"No! Please!" I begged.

"BUT THOU MUST!"

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way

 "I SAW YOU TWO HAVING SEX IN THE WOODS"




Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis."

Oh god...

he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

This is just... painful

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Let's have sex!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

What? A lot of random shit happens and nobody does anything? This is ridiculous!

Well, see you next time with this horrible abomination!

Fortan's Filthy Fanfiction Corner?

Fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking FUCKING

This hasn't been my week...

First, Avery can't take me seriously and now has started the dumb school. Then, Bolt, the only person who didn't hate me, starts hating me and goes away, then i piss off broku5000 and sauec because i tell them I'M FUCKING TIRED OF STUPID MAINSTREAM MY LITTLE PONY!! Then Awesomex18 starts a holocaust towards me and shit happens.

Ugh, that's why this fanfiction i'm gonna review has been dedicated for everyone of you. You all will realize that this sounds exactly like shit that blabbers from your mouth. This fanfic has the IQ of yours. This fanfic is far more enjoyable than you!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, and the ones that are both.

For this week, i'm going to review...

MY IMMORTAL!

Ahhh yes, the most infamous fanfic of all time, that is so bad it's good. But this time, i'm not only making fun of this fic, i'm making fun of YOU at the same time. And i'm going STRAIGHT to the personal stuff, nothing is held secret!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

Most ridiculous name since Avery Kane Goatface Julian Petrie The Turd The Bi Version.

and I have long ebony black hair

Doesn't ebony mean black-skinned and black-haired? Yes, AX, i've seen women unlike you.

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee

Then she's an emo! I'm going to name her "Ebony Niall Jasper Passmore Dark'ness Dementia (what) Raven Way!"

(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

And angry fangirl strikes... He's just like Jasper. Expect Andrew Hussie in place of Amy Lee.

I remember how he first mentioned HomeStuck...

Jasper: Hey do you know Hussie??
Me: Uh, nope.
Jasper: FUCK YOU!

Or at least that went somehow like that...

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

Goddarn, Ebony Niall! This is a fanfic you aren't supposed to fap to stupid celebrities!

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

Vampires in Harry Potter story?? What kind of sorcery is this?

Also, in my opinion. Harry Potter ended after fourth book. Fifth movie was boring and after it things went too dark and Twilight-ish. Harry Potter killed Voldemort in fourth movie and was a good boy for rest of the movie. I call rest of the Potter Movies "Lord Harry".

But back to the fanfic.

I have pale white skin.

But you were... oh wait you were Ebony Niall Jasper Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Carry on!

I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

Hogwarts had a seventh class? Oh wait, this is a stupid drama queen who believes that those last three ones were Harry Potter books! 

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)

What? I thought you were emo!

and I wear mostly black.

No you're not.

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

Ugh.

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.

AKA How Blade Braxton dresses up everyday. Don't tell me it's in your middle name too?

I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

What in the hell are preps???

Quote from Urban Dictionary:

A prep is a person that is totally brainwashed by the media. They wear what brands the media tells them to such as A&F, AE, Aero, hollister, express, etc. They basically only listen to mainstream music. They make fun of people who aren't afraid to be themselves otherwise know as individuals. Preps are shallow. They are monkeys --> monkey see, monkey do. The media says something's cool, prep sees, prep thinks it's cool.
As someone else on here said, "preps are the downfall of society". and they are.

Aaaaahhh, you mean Mainstream-Mandys? Jasper's friend is Dave, who hates everything that is liked more than two people so now her full name is Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness *pooh* Dementia Raven Way. 

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

Draco Armando Gigasurfer Malfoy, Jasper's original fuckbuddy. Became hetero after he wanted to become a normal person and fell in love with a fat, ugly and stupid bitch, who is probably male.

"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.

You weren't supposed to be shy, at least in first four movies! But this is Draco Armando, he's different, fusing an annoying little brat and laughable dupstep making rantist, who hugs fat girls.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

No, but it's not that infamous yet.

Welp, moving to Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

Here we see writer raging at Mainstream-Mandy's just like Dave does.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. 

Noooooo-one careeeeees....

I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. 

Looking normal there, Ebony Niall...

I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

Just look at those, what a worthless bitches! Genderless Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave etc. Raven Way pisses me off. No suprise, he has genes of Emo Vampire Witch Bitch, Gay Emogoth pedophile, Croatian Navy Hipster Nazi and Blade Braxton.

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

So since when Draco Malfoy became grown-up arrogant dude and not an annoying blonde shit? Oh wait, that happened in Lord Harry.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

Okay, out of this now. Who finds Armando, the real one, a good person? He is acting like a whining 9-year old pessimist most of the time who rants about rape jokes and gay rights even though nobody gives a shit, and if he isn't, he is high. And that means he's doing crazy stuff like using tumblr. He has vagina in the place of his balls!

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

Awwww awkward!

"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily.
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

And Andrew Hussie's music.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped.



Wasn't this meant to be y'know, REALLY HORRIBLE FANFIC?
I guess it's because this has nothing to do with Harry Potter, expect wizards.

Next: Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

What? English please?

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. 

OooOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. 

...
oh...
my...
god...

Let's See, Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Someone stop this monstrosity!

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. 

OoooOOOOooooh, Ebony Niall. That's Glossy!

Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

This is just horrible, more horrible than other fanfics i've reviewed AND SEX SCENES HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!!!

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. 

Really? A Flying Car? Did you just watched trailers for all the movies and then used them as elements for this unglossary shit! Also Armando doesn't drive a flying car because they pollute too much and increase rape in this world blah blah blah blah blah blah...

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

Ugh, stop speeling cool as "kewl"!

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

Like Gabe always does!

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. 

So everyone are suddenly satanists? Oh come on, it's obvious, he drives Mercedes-Benz!

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. 

DON'T TELL ME HE'S GERALD TOO!!

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. 

Auuugh, this is stupider than AdventureBound and more sinful than HomeStuck.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

I know what they're singing about! They sing about how Avery Petrie one night came from Teddy Hart Concert into Police station because he molested Larissa, killed her and put her into a bag of ol' Fishsticks. Then Doctor cut his card, and he was handed to Men On a Mission, and then he was executed.

Am i right???

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"People aren't hot or ugly, if we would marry clever but not 'good-looking' people, we would get better people in this world, and not ones like that Hollywood Jabroni George Bush." That's what Armando would say.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

That didn't make sense... It should go like "Hey it's ok. I don't like as much as i like you." Was that so hard?

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch."

He's now Ebony Niall Jasper Blade Dave Gabriel Lucy Rose Gerald King Martin McDonalds Braxton Passmore Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. How many people are going to this gangbang anyway??

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

AUUUGHH, THEY'RE GONNA BE EATEN BY VLODEMROT!

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
 
You just made annoying kid become a shy beer-drinking rantist! Oh my god!

Also, Ebony is now Enoby. Enoby Niall Jasper Blade Dave yougetit.

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

"I'm going to feed you to, VLODEMROT!

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) 

SOOO HE DIDN'T USE HIS TEENY-WEENY MAGIC THIS TIME??? THIS ONE WAS REAL??? HE ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOMETHING!! HE DIDN'T BORROW ANYTHING FROM... It starts with N and ends into Y, And there's also I, C, and K in the middle of it, but i won't tell more!

Ugh. Back to the story.

which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

Here it comes...
Also, "HE PUT HIS THINGIE INTO MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT" cracked me up. Oh lord. This is the stupidest shit ever.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
It was….Dumbledore!

AKA Albus Kevin Hitler Dumbledore. Nice to see you here too.

So, i will review more in every day of the week, few chapters more. Until i finally reach the peak of this craziness and Ebo... i mean Enoby Niall will have the longest name in the history of mankind.